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I got a really bad case of the shits last night as well as excruciating abdominal pain.

Once I convinced myself that I would not piss out my asshole until after a hearty meal, I walked to the Emergency Room. Of all the toetullie kewal things I was the _only_ ER patient between 2:00 and 5:00 AM so I got the Red Carpet treatment.

They were concerned about my abdominal pain so they gave me a CT scan.

This is point at which the Roffle Copters start up their engines, their blades turning slow at first then whirling faster and faster:

The scan and some blood tests turned up that I have a garden variety case of the shits that the doc said would "resolve itself" with the aid of such over-the-counter remedies as Imodium. Too bad that I'm busted so flat that I can't buy any yet.

LOLCATS:

That same CT scan turned up a "mass" on my right kidney. The diagnostic radiologist and my ER doc both said it's most likely cancer.

But the ER doc said "It's not going to kill you as it's quite treatable. They'll just surgically remove your kidney then prescribe a course of chemotherapy."

I'm down with that as I've always hoped that the day would come that I might be completely overcome with vomiting while at the same time receiving an IV drip of Fenergin, Arnold Schwarzenegger-like anti-nausea medication.

I'll book an appointment with my Primary Care Physician just after I post this. Their scheduling people always ask _why_ I want to see her. The worse my complaint is the sooner I get seen.

I'll need a referral most likely to a Nephrologist, then that same kidney doc will give me a biopsy. I'll know from my Pathologist's report how likely I am to fulfill you sorry lot's heart's desires by perishing in indescribable agony, as well as what the best course of treatment would be.

Wish Me A Long And Happy Life!

Dying,

Mischa

Alison Angel of all people. I was quite dumbfounded.

This particular photo is completely appropriate for your workplace - but no others you have been warned!

Just now a ravishingly lovely young nanny responded to my acceptance of her Friendship request by asking about my family then but minutes later letting me know that she loved me than one or two minutes more asked me to marry her.

I sincerely pointed out that I would be honored were she to accept my sincere offer of friendship.

Not long at all after that she informed me she needed me to buy her an iTunes card Right Now so I instantly blocked her.

That's the third time that I've been approached with quite likely the single most-popular romance scam.

I assert it's vitally important you learn to be a judge of character lest you fall victim to scammers.

This Means you: among my very worst experience as a consulting software engineer was getting stiffed for seven solid weeks of sixteen-hour days.

Happily my tormentor bailed and so sold her site when she was one of the very first to get the bad news that the Dot-Com Crash hit one month before.

I still have my source for a truly fascinating graphics application and have consulted experts who assert that I own its copyright because that particular client never paid me for it.

Real Soon Now you'll find it as an iPad App in the App Store. I'll drop you a dime once it's there.

• Powerhouse

tl;dr: So as to make The "Global" Computer Industry Index truly Global, I listed all of ARM's and Synopsis' shops and many but not yet all of Oracles but decided to totally bail on Oracle when I met an SAP coder at Starbucks this afternoon. He said to me that "Oracle are amateurs."

I devoted a few paragraphs to my very-most beloved fan:

As I write this, SAP has over 2,800 open reqs world-wide.

One of my online friends as well as one of my online - I Am Absolutely Serious - enemies are completely convinced there are no jobs to be had, and that advertisements of job openings are purely for the consumption of potential investors so as to drive up stock prices.

And friends, that really does happen! I Am Absolutely Serious. Among my Real Life friends is a serial entrepreneur whose startup dwindled down to just one employee - my RL friend himself - whose Venture Capitalist gave him a free office at the Venture Firm's headquarters in hopes of somehow salvaging his investment.

Rhat Real Life friend advertised two positions throughout the Dot-Com Crash. And Why?

"So our creditors don't try to collect."

Had his company's creditors demanded payment, they could have forced my Real Life friend's startup into Chapter 13, thereby leading all of his startup's assets to be sold at auction with the proceeds being divided among those his company's creditors who lifted a finger to turn up at his corporate bankrupcy hearing.

It happens that I think of him whenever I shampoo William Jefferson Clinton.

In other news, NedSpace's alleged "24-hour showers" close each weekday at six as well as throughout the weekends.

This after I purchased a brand-new Gillette Mach 3 Turbo handle and enough generic yet excellent quality "Mach 3[*] Compatible" refill blades to give close, comfortable shaves to a herd of bison.

[*]"Mach3" is a Registered Trademark of Gillette. Our generic yet excellent refill blades are in no way endorsed or sponsored by Gillette. Despite that, our refill blades' price puts those of Gillette's Completely To Shame.

I have designs on a certain stone-deaf and so quite shy young lady so I managed to tidy up in the Men's Room but eventually concluded I had not the wherewithal to purchase an admission ticket for the South-East Portland "Entertainment" Venue where she and I are both regulars.

But I'll be Rolling In Samoleons Real Soon Now.

Send Them All Your Money: Portland Rescue Mission.

I gave them a thousand dollars in December. They bought a new water fountain - the old one was always breaking down. This new one has a spout for filling water bottles.

I have some data entry work that I want to give to a homeless person. If my friend Chena shows up sometime soon I'll give it to her.

Whoever I hire is going to transcribe all the street addresses of the companies I list into a database. I want to send direct - ie. junk - mail which will politely request that they verify their listings are correct and oh by the way I could use some donations right about now.

(Donations to Soggy Jobs are not tax deductible but may be in the future. I might make Soggy Jobs a non-profit but am as-yet uncertain. I am quite certain that I will never charge for listings so I don't want to accept investment. To be a tax-deductible non-profit would enable me to apply for grants.)

Stefan Youngs pointed out Dave Taylor's Call To Action: "Buy Me A Coffee". However I expect that many who would otherwise buy him a coffee are distracted by the three different options Taylor provides, one of which is to buy him lunch.

Such Calls To Action are required for direct sales advertising but not for brand awareness campaigns. To quote Dave Johnson, the owner of Working Software:

"Do you know why direct mail offer letters always say BUY NOW! DON'T DELAY!"

"No, why?

"Because it works."

Next month I will add crypto donation options to my Calls To Actions, the month after that I'll do something else until I arrive at a CTA that yields the most income.

(Has anyone bought me coffee yet? I Shall Pray To Paypal... Stefan did, but just so he could verify that I implemented his suggestion correctly. Even so I'll keep this CTA up for an entire month; at that time I'll calculate the ration of hits to coffees, as well as unique visitors to coffees.)

We're sorry, your submission "Alleged UK Neo-Nazi Admits Plot to Murder Lawmaker" was declined for the following reason:
We don't usually report murders or other sensational stories - so the only reason that you would submit this is because it includes the alt-right? Journal--JR

The editors felt it inappropriate for them to correct the issue themselves. Please feel free to correct the issue yourself and resubmit.

JR, in case you actually read this, there was no murder, only a confession to a plotted murder by one of your countrymen. I fear the real danger is not Syrian refugees, but Englishmen exposed to that alt-right. And I especially fear that janrinok is one of those.

svn: E200009: Commit failed (details follow):
svn: E200009: '/Users/build/BuildBox/FL2000/formal-releases/1.1/Added Golden Master Release Candidate 1' is not under version control

For the most part I've been down with working at home because most of my homes had an extra room that I used as an office. But my current tiny little apartment does not; my desk is in the living room. It's all too easy to get districted by some other activity one engages in at home.

My desk at NedSpace is in a proper office that I share with one other quite-experienced coder. I was able to focus all day long. Among other things I added all of Snap, Inc.'s locations to The Global Computer Industry Index:

$ find . -name index.html -exec fgrep -q snap.com {} \; -print
./www/computer/united-kingdom/england/london/index.html
./www/computer/united-states/illinois/cook/chicago/index.html
./www/computer/united-states/new-york/new-york/index.html
./www/computer/united-states/california/los-angeles/los-angeles/index.html
./www/computer/united-states/california/santa-clara/mountain-view/index.html
./www/computer/united-states/california/san-francisco/san-francisco/index.html
./www/computer/united-states/washington/king/seattle/index.html
./www/computer/telecommute/index.html
./www/computer/ukraine/kiev/index.html
./www/computer/ukraine/odessa/odessa/index.html
./www/computer/canada/ontario/toronto/index.html
./www/computer/australia/new-south-wales/sydney/index.html
./www/computer/france/paris/paris/index.html
./www/computer/switzerland/vaud/yverdon-les-bains/index.html
./www/computer/united-arab-emirates/dubai/index.html
./www/computer/china/shenzen/index.html

Tomorrow I'm not going to list any companies instead I'll start working on some - long overdue - automation.

To my great - and endlessly-repeated - dismay, every time I start to write a new Python program I soon realize that I've forgotten it all.

I long ago grew weary of the Python.org tutorial. Perhaps I can find a fresh, new tutorial that doesn't make my eyes glaze over.

Whereas she preferred to drink in such a way that she'd really get into her dance moves, on top of a table while wearing a lamp shade.

One of Nedspace tenants is trading an infinite supply of Kombucha for a hot desk. The guy's into marketing.

Kombucha is sad to be good for your dookies. Us old guys gotta be concerned about stuff like that.

While it's not labeled as an alcoholic beverage, the fermentation puts a little alcohol in it. Just a little.

But that "little" is big enough that I'm now drunk.

At work. ;-)

Meet the Team.

This particular draft of my bio is what I just submitted to Nedspace's members-only Google Group to introduce myself. For the Team page I'm going to go into more detail about my background in drivers and embedded systems development. Aside from OSX those have both been mostly storage and crypto.

Stylesheet.

Both the markup and the css are valid yet I'm fucked if I know why my photo isn't to the left of my bio.

And yes, Portland Custom Software Development really has always been a "we" and not just an "I". Rod Schmidt was a schoolmate at the Institute, Blacker House Engineering And Applied Science '83.

Oddly at least at the time Caltech did not offer a Computer Science major.

I have Rod's photo but haven't yet cropped and resized it. He'll write his bio after I'm done writing mine.

#include "Hello.hpp"

#include <IOKit/IOLib.h>

int foo()
{
        kprintf( "Hello World!\n" );

        return 0;
}