But the standard to which I hold myself is much the same as when I enrolled at Caltech to study Astronomy. While my life's course is much different than I originally intended, I still aim to leave something of value behind when I'm gone.
For the last fifteen years, that thing of value has been my writing - essays like Living with Schizoaffective Disorder.
While I expect I could make money from my writing, I do not yet attempt to do so, so at least for now I'm a coder. In some ways it appeals to me but in other ways I want nothing to do with it. I feel very strongly that the software industry is a Den of Iniquity. Coders - especially young coders - are often quite naive; those with the money take advantage of us.
By contrast I am recently able to realize there are many people in software who are genuinely good people. The clients I will start working for next week are that way. Their product is something that is genuinely useful to their customers. They treat me really well.
Among the reasons I have grown to dislike software is today's prevalence of Javascript. It's not exactly a bad language, however it is often used in reckless ways, with the result that many websites work poorly. That is, javascript isn't bad, javascript coders are.
I prefer C++, Python and Assembly Code.
When you consider my mental illness, compare it to that of my friend "Annellie". That's not her real name. She was twenty-nine years old when we met at Washington's Western State Hospital. She is a lovely young woman, always cheerful and full of happy things to say.
All the time she either wears a rain hat or holds a newspaper above her head because she has the delusion that a chemical rain is falling from the sky. She was especially terrified when we were out in the exercise yard.
"Look up in the sky. Can you see that it's sunny? Do you feel the sun's warmth on your face?"
"Oh yes, it's very nice!"
But when she turns away she can sense the chemical rain again.
Mighty No. 9 Suffers Another Delay, Inafune "Sincerely Sorry" for Disappointing Fans
Mighty No. 9, Keiji Inafune's spiritual successor to Mega Man, has been delayed again. The announcement was made in an update to Kickstarter backers, where Inafune--who created Mega Man along with a number of iconic properties for Capcom, before leaving in 2010--explained developer Comcept encountered "critical" issues in the game's online matchmaking.
I've been taking the antidepressant imipramine for a month now. It has worked well in the past, and in many ways I feel it's working now. However I am finding that the things that once interested me, no longer do. I can't motivate myself to do anything productive. Instead I just hit the Reload button in my web browser.
When I reload a page only to discover no new content has appeared, I feel totally useless.
I've experienced this before; the experience passed after some time, even without medication. So at times I tell myself just be patient this will go away.
My depression is not the "Goodbye Cruel World" sort. I've experienced that before as well, and have attempted several times. These days I feel silly about that - I demolished a perfectly good car because I lost all hope, but then a few months later that hope had returned, but with the exception that I was riding public transport.
In reality there are many things I could do to enjoy my time.
Yesterday I contemplated this problem then walked about five miles round trip to fetch my prescriptions, also to hang out in a day center for the mentally ill. It was a good experience. I felt really weary when I finally got back to my camp and lay down in my sleeping bag, but it was a good sort of weariness.
I often write Walls Of Text then publish them online. Lately I cannot even do that I have nothing to write about, and when I attempt to write a new Wall Of Text it falls flat.
I know this will pass too, I am heavily into writing.
George Washington slave book pulled after criticism
A children's picture book about George Washington and his slaves has been pulled by publishers Scholastic.
A Birthday Cake for George Washington tells the story of Washington's slave Hercules, a cook, and his daughter.
It had been criticised for its images of smiling slaves, and described as being "highly problematic".
Scholastic said in a statement that without more historical context, the book "may give a false impression of the reality of the lives of slaves".
The book, telling the story of Hercules and Delia making a cake together, had been released on 5 January. It was met with a barrage of one-star reviews on Amazon, with readers describing it as "disgustingly inaccurate", and one writing: "I can't believe people are celebrating a children's story that depicts happy, joyful slaves."
Scholastic's description of the story had read: "Everyone is buzzing about the president's birthday! Especially George Washington's servants, who scurry around the kitchen preparing to make this the best celebration ever. Oh, how George Washington loves his cake! And, oh, how he depends on Hercules, his head chef, to make it for him. Hercules, a slave, takes great pride in baking the president's cake."
Auschwitz price-fixing claims: Israel police arrest nine
Nine executives at Israeli travel agencies have been arrested on suspicion of fixing the price of high school students' trips to former Nazi death camps, including Auschwitz.
Police say they are investigating allegations of a secret price-fixing arrangement by companies who organise the trips for students.
Investigators have raided the homes of executives and frozen bank accounts.
At least six travel agencies are accused of violating competition rules.
They are suspected of colluding on prices before responding to an education ministry tender to take students to Holocaust memorials.
When the Israeli education ministry approached a number of different companies, it received identical quotes.
Reports say the alleged collusion was aimed at artificially inflating prices.
Rubio: "we make deals with Iran, we betray our allies like Israel"
...You forgot to say Saudi Arabia.
Long exchange between Trump and Cruz over Cruz's citizenship. It seems most of the boos around this portion are pro-Trump.
~40 minutes in. Carson: "I was mentioned." Host: "You were?" Carson: "He said 'everybody'."
~86 minutes in. Christie trying to be the NSA's top cheerleader yet again. No Rand on stage to balance him out anymore.
~95 minutes in. Kasich: "I believe in the PTT."
~100 minutes in. Trump cuts in to call Jeb weak. Are the boos for Trump or Jeb?
~124 minutes in. Some kind of heckling. "We want ----."
Christie calls FBI Director Comey a friend.
~131 minutes in. Rubio calls Snowden a traitor who committed treason while bashing Cruz.
~134 minutes in. Bush talks about encryption/cybersecurity. "NSA should be put in charge of the civilian side of [cybersecurity]." "If you can encrypt messages, ISIS can." Narrowly avoids endorsing backdoors, but he's a Bush so we know how much that's worth.
Kasich's closing statement mentions reform of military contractor spending. Bencarson.com's closing statement mentions bencarson.com. Rubio: a Hillary Clinton-based closing statement. Cruz: mentions a Benghazi movie, panders to military and law enforcement. Trump: mentions the 10 sailors in Iran, something about making America good again.
I Went to a Cannabis-Themed Gala and Saw the Future
Marketed as "Canada's first vapour gala," the Go Greene Winter Gala was held at a "private upscale location" made known to ticketholders the day of. Go Greene is an advocacy group that promotes diversity within the cannabis community. It was founded by former Alaska-based TV journalist Charlo Greene, who quit her job on air to become a full-time activist.
[...] A table outside the door of the party room was stacked with goodies like THC-infused soda, cookies, and candy. I passed, and by that I mean I stuffed them into my purse, because I knew I wouldn't be able to interview people baked. Once outfitted with green wristbands, we headed into what was akin to a massive hotbox. There was green lighting, gold balloons that spelled out "Go Greene," and a green carpet that was made of felt or something very similar to felt and was secured to the floor with visible packing tape.
The 80 or so guests were instructed to dress to impress, and many of them obliged, wearing gowns, tuxedos, and random head gear. (I put on a grey dress that I wear to work all the time because I'm lazy.) They posed for photos in front of a backdrop branded with the names of different cannabis industry sponsors—the kind normally reserved for film festivals and obnoxious clubs.
[...] Caterers made their way around the room carrying trays of prosciutto-wrapped melon and black bean cakes, while hip-hop artists and DJs performed on a slightly elevated stage. The bar was manned by two dabtenders with blowtorches. (There was no booze on premise, which is probably for the best.)
Sarah Gilles, who works at promotions/events company The High Five, was serving up weed juice shots and giving away swag bags filled with her cannabis-infused beauty products like body butter and a scrub. She told me weed is responsible for her glowing "420 face" and that people who suffer from skin conditions and pain should consider using it.
[...] My photographer and I were separated briefly until I found her sitting alone on a bright red dentist's chair beside the bathroom, hair tousled and eyes glazed.
"I did dabs," she said. "I seriously actually can't feel my face right now." Her words convinced me to do one, after which we posted up on a couch in the loft discussing all the times we'd ghosted on events because we were too high. Then we did exactly that.
In hindsight, I realized the weed ball was novel for more than just its atmosphere; there seemed to be no fear of being busted by cops and, for the first time in my experience reporting on drugs, no one hesitated to give me their name.
But the party is only a small reflection of movements taking place across the country. Pot shops (including a recreational one with a dab bar), already well-established on Canada's west coast, are making their way east. Judges have been calling bullshit on possession-related cases due to the "ridiculous" laws they hinge on, and politicians are vocalizing their visions for having cannabis sold in liquor stores. Dealers are even hosting holiday sales.
So while pragmatists will tell you legalization is a long way from being a reality, in some ways it seems it's already here.
Other selected stories:
Google dives into virtual reality with new division and new boss
Yahoo dumps 13.5TB of users' news interaction data for machine eating
Intel: For Mainstream Gamers, Our IGPs Are Equivalent to Discrete GPUs
Plan For Cuba Ferry Terminal Reveals Shift In Miami Politics
Microsoft Releases Its JavaScript Engine As Open Source 'ChakraCore'
It's not all about Oculus:
JB McRee, Sr. Manager of Product Marketing of Virtual Reality at HTC confirmed to us that the Vive headset will in fact be available for pre-order on February 29, 2016. HTC doesn’t have any other details to share about the retail release, but McRee told said the details will be announced prior to the pre-order date.
HTC Vive is an upcoming virtual reality head-mounted display being developed in co-production between HTC and Valve Corporation. It is also part of Valve Corporation's SteamVR project.
Today was a beautiful sunny day here in Portland. Cold, but clear.
I earned $14.50 in tips just by singing for twenty minutes.
I only know twenty minutes worth of songs. I always sing the same songs, I'm growing rather weary of them:
The Star Spangled Banner
America the Beautiful
My Country 'Tis of Thee
Battle Hymn of the Republic
Oh Clementine
You Are My Sunshine
House of the Rising Sun
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
It's hard to find songs that work well for me, singing both solo and a capella. But there are such songs I just got to find them.
I only sang for twenty minutes today because that's all the money I required for what I want to do today and tomorrow. But most people work full-time, why shouldn't I, by singing?
A room in Portland is about $600.
Next time I sing I'm going to keep singing until I have some money that I can just save.
To be edited
When Will Potential 2016 Candidates Discuss the ‘Extraterrestrial Issue’?
Former Obama aide and well-known X-Files obsessive John Podesta tweeted this month that his "biggest failure of 2014" was "Once again not securing the #disclosure of the UFO files."
Many assume that Podesta will soon sign up for the still-hypothetical Hillary Clinton presidential campaign, which means that the UFO lobby might just endorse Clinton for a second time if decides to run.
Stephen Bassett, head of the Paradigm Research Group (which runs a blog about presidential UFO news and hosted an off-brand hearing for ex-members of Congress on government transparency in matters extraterrestrial), told the Huffington Post in 2007 that Hillary Clinton "knows this issue is not trivial." Nearly eight years later, Bassett is still trying to access any government documents on UFOs, and still hoping that Clinton will reach out to constituents like him.