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In case anyone's been wondering why a hefty plurality if not an outright majority of the stories pushed over the weekend and the first couple days of the week came from yours truly, it's because I hopped on my cavalry bear, rode all over the country, and beat all the Editors except martyb (who I saved for last and only had to threaten into submission) upside the head with a double-barrel chainsaw.

Or it's because I saw there was pretty much nothing except partisan hack jobs and bloody stupid garbage that I sincerely hope the Eds never publish in the submission queue and quickly subbed everything remotely interesting that I found in my feed reader.

Believe whichever amuses you the most.

I am thinking about changing the name #FakeNews CNN to #FraudNewsCNN! Fraud News Network. #FNN pic.twitter.com/WYUnHjjUjg

Looks like we let the story queue run completely dry last night for about 3.5 hours. Feel free to give the Eds some good-natured ribbing over it here.

Canada Day is coming, and what better way to celebrate than with a luxurious stay at @TrumpToronto or @TrumpVancouver! Enjoy! #TrumpHotels

@CaitrionaPerry has a perfect ass, like you've never seen before in your life. Best reporter ever, a credit to her profession. Very, very welcome in my office! Can't get over that beautiful Irish press.

I'm still locked out of my @POTUS account so I'm tweeting this here.

On behalf of the American people, Melania and I send our warm greetings to Muslims as they celebrate Eid al-Fitr.

Muslims in the United States joined those around the world during the holy month of Ramadan to focus on acts of faith and charity. Now, as they commemorate Eid with family and friends, they carry on the tradition of helping neighbors and breaking bread with people from all walks of life.

During this holiday, we are reminded of the importance of mercy, compassion, and goodwill. With Muslims around the world, the United States renews our commitment to honor these values.

Eid Mubarak.

The fine pieces of shit over at Rolling Stone recently interviewed Billy Joel:

Critics used to give you a hard time. But it seems like in the past few years you've become cool.
Look, man, Trump is president, so all kinds of weird shit can happen.

What do you make of that?
I'm still flabbergasted. I try to stay out of politics. I am a private citizen and I have a right to believe in my own political point of view, but I try not to get up on a soapbox and tell people how to think. I've been to shows where people start haranguing the audience about what's going on politically and I'm thinking, "You know, this isn't why I came here." As a matter of fact, one of the biggest cheers of the night comes when we do "Piano Man" and I sing, "They know that it's me that they're coming to see to forget about life for a while," and the audience lets out this huge "ahhhh" and I say, "OK, yeah, don't forget that." We're more like court jesters than court philosophers.

Normally I wouldn't even pay attention to some celebrity spouting off on politics (Because who gives a damn?) but Joel absolutely nails what a whole lot of folks are thinking on the matter. Tip of the hat to the Piano Man for keeping it classy.

In the early 1980’s, GYGAX had been generating about $1 million per year in income. [Redacted] advised that GYGAX spent his money frivolously. GYGAX was involved in an unpleasant divorce and [Redacted] further advised that GYGAX was a drug abuser. GYGAX is approximately 55 years of age and is currently [redacted]. He lives on Madison Street in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and may be contacted at (414) xxx-xxxx. GYGAX maintains a mailing address as follows: P. O. Box 388, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. [Redacted] considers GYGAX to be eccentric and frightening. He is known to carry a weapon and was proud of his record of personally answering any letter coming from a prison. GYGAX set up a holding company in Liberia to avoid paying taxes. He is known to be a member of the Libertarian Party.

Oh dear.

In light of the horrible attack in Alexandria on MY BIRTHDAY, I've signed an executive order declaring next week National Liberal Violence Awareness Day. Eric Bolling on @FoxNews said something very smart:

How many innocent people have to die before we realize that words do matter? Crazy people act on the crazy things they hear from politicians and celebrities. Think before you utter those blind, hateful words next time, liberals, because there are crazy people out there taking your metaphors literally. https://t.co/nKWid37odD

Wear my favorite color, orange, and be aware of the hatred the liberals (and Dems) spew and the violence they do. #WearOrange

I talked with Malcolm Turnbull on the phone. With the Prime Minister, the disgusting Prime Minister, of Australia. Of all the phone calls I've been on, it was the worst call by far. Believe me, folks, it was a terrible phone call. That happened in March. He asked me to take in Australia's refugees. I said we'll do it, but we have to vet them. Refugees, for America, are a huge problem. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. They're rapists. Even with extreme vetting, they're making big problems for America. And Australia doesn't want them either. So they made a deal, Australia made a deal, with Obama. Who came to America as a refugee. And let me tell you, folks, the deal they made is terrible for America. Totally one-sided. But I said I'd stick to the deal. Because promises are important. Even when I didn't make them. Very reluctantly, I'm sticking to the deal. But now Malcolm is making fun of me and it's very hurtful. My wife, Melania, and my son, Barron, heard about the way Malcolm made fun of me, how he mocked me, and they are very hurt by it. He's hurting my family. He should be ashamed of himself. He has no shame, but he should be ashamed.