SoylentNews

Chapter One
Previously...

Fire!
        "Shit!" I said. "A fire! Oh, hell!" I took off running toward the burning cabin. I heard screams as I approached the door. Horrible, blood-curdling screams of terrible pain. And then, even worse - the screams abruptly stopped.
        The door wouldn't open. "Computer," I said to the tablet. "Open that damned door, there's someone in there that's hurt."
        "Unable to comply," it said.
        "Reason?"
        "Danger to the ship and cargo, crew, and passenger."
        "GOD DAMN IT!" I yelled. "There's a woman dying in there."
        "Containment in approximately two minutes." This must be a bad one for the automatic suppression to take hold – but of course, since the cabin was occupied it couldn't just let all the air out like if the engine room had caught fire.
        "OPEN THAT GODDAMNED DOOR!" I screamed.
        "Unable to comply" the computer answered programitically. God damend piece of shit computer! God DAMN it!
        A cot rolled up behind me and the door opened, air rushing into the smoke-filled quarters, its pressure already lowered but not enough to harm a person. The cot lifted the woman, who I recognized as the Billie whore, on itself. It put an oxygen mask over her face and a needle in her arm and she and the cot left for the infirmary.
        I walked around and saw what caused the fire – the stupid whore was trying to make an ancient drug called "methamphetamine". Even on Earth making that shit is dangerous, in space it's a fucking crazy menace. I guessed that since she couldn't get angel tears she figured she'd make a substitute, as if all drugs were alike or something. Dumb whore.
        My fone buzzed; it was Destiny. "Is everything OK?"
        "Yeah, sugar, just one of those stupid whores trying to get high. Blew up her quarters and burned herself up pretty good."
        I went outside. As soon as I closed the door I could hear the smoky air being blown out to space. Maids were already waiting outside the door to clean up the mess. I started walking back home. A dozen whores were coming down the hallway towards me. "What's going on?"
        "Billie blew herself up trying to make drugs," I said. "I catch anybody else doing that and they're in deep shit. Now excuse me."
        Wait! Is she OK?"
        It was that one broad, the one that was fighting with Billie the first week. Apparently they'd not only made up, but were lovers. Lesbian hookers? That don't make no sense to me, but I ain't went to college. The bunch of them went on to the infirmary and I went back to drink some wine with Destiny.
        The robots would take care of Billie.
        As I walked back to my cabin I pulled out my fone and hailed the ship's communication stuff. "Attention, ladies," I said. "There has been a fire caused by someone really, really stupid. Pay attention, now. If I catch any open flames whatever, the lady with the fire is locked up 'til we get to Mars. So if you're going to try to make drugs, you damned well better not need fire to do it. And even if you don't use fire if I catch you with drugs you're alone until we get there. So be good."
        As I passed the commons there were two naked women having oral sex with each other. "Hey, you two. Get a room," I growled. What was wrong with these whores?
        They ignored me.
        "You wanna be locked up?"
        "Fuck off, Joe."
        "That's Captain Knoll to you," I said, and pulled out my taser.
        "You're an asshole."
        "Get. Both of you. You're alone the next twenty four hours."
        They weren't paying me enough for this shit. Fucking droppers!
        Well, Destiny would cheer me up, she always did. I was pretty cheerful when I got back.
        "Took you long enough," she said slyly.
        "Oh, them whores," I said. "I had to lock a couple up."
        "What did they do?"
        "They were eating each other, I told 'em to go somewhere else and they told me to fuck off. Look, hon, there's two hundred of them and they act like feral children. They'll take over if I let 'em."
        "Feral?" she grinned.
        "You're rubbing off on me, Brainiac!"
        She giggled. "Here, I got some cheese while you were gone."
        I picked up my glass. "To cheese!"
        She laughed. "I'll drink to that. Want to watch something?"
        "Nah, put on some music and we'll cuddle."
        "Cuddle?"
        "Well, I know where cuddling goes."

This is a crude, rough draft of an upcoming book that is less than 10% finished. Continues.

I posted reruns from fifteen years ago at my slashdot journal. New material will be posted here at Soylent first.

Chapter One
Previously...

Confession
          I'd brought a bottle of wine from the storeroom and almost dropped it. "Destiny! Oh God, no! Not you!"
          "Huh?" she said with a concerned look on her face. "What's wrong, John?"
          "What's wrong? You're a dropper! Oh, God..." I was devastated.
          She looked at the dropper and laughed. "These aren't angel tears, silly, they're antibiotics."
          "Antibiotics? What, you got pinkeye?"
          She laughed. "Don't worry, I don't have any diseases. I had lens implants put in my eyes before we left. I have to put these in my eyes once a week for six months. It was three times a day for the first week and once a day for the first month. It's just to prevent infection."
          "Why did you have to get Implants?"
          "I was nearsighted, my vision was 20/40. I had a little astigmatism, too. These new lenses are great, they're like having strong binoculars and a built in microscope. I never would have believed how sharp and clear everything would be. I can see a blood cell, and the doctor said I should be able to see Earth's moon from Mars if the planets' orbits are close."
          "Wow. Did it hurt?"
          "Did what hurt?"
          "The surgery."
          "No, it's painless. You don't feel a thing."
          "Still," I said, "I'd have just worn contacts rather than let somebody stick needles in my eyes."
          "Well, I used to wear them but they said they'd get in the way on Mars. And I can see so good now... I'm really glad I had the procedure."
          Procedure. Folks who went to college talk like that. I thought of something... "You told me once you were planning on taking advantage of me. How and why?"
          "Oh, John, you're going to hate me."
          "Well, look, you already confessed."
          She sighed. "I work for the company. My job was supposed to keep the whores from taking over your ship. But I didn't expect to like you so much. Actually, at all. They told me you were an asshole."
          I laughed. "I am!"
          "Is that for me?" she said, looking at the wine.
          "It's for us. Got a screw and glasses?"
          "Robot, screw and glasses" she said. A square box with rounded corners wheeled across the room with two wine glasses sitting on top of it. I set the bottle on it and the thing opened and poured the wine. I started to take a sip.
          "You have to let it breathe," she said.
          "I gotta what?"
          She laughed. "Let it sit for a couple of minutes. It'll taste better."
          "You never did tell me why you were going to Mars," I said.
          "I'm an astronomer. There's too much light on Earth, there hasn't been a useful telescope there for a century. So it was the moon or Mars, and they have plenty of people on the moon. Mars isn't just short of women, it's short of everything. Almost everybody there is a scientist; there's no unemployment on Mars at all. It needs more robots, too. It needs more everything. It's a real frontier, I think it's really exciting, like an adventure."
          Adventure? It was old hat to me. I'd made the Mars trip lots of times. Now Saturn, that was an adventure. I'd been on my way back from Titan one trip and the damned engines quit and the robots couldn't fix them. I had to wait six damned months for a tow tug and I'd almost made it home when the boat crapped out on me.
          Mars was usually a six month trip, but it was on the opposite side of the sun and we were going to be gone a year and a half. That's a long time to put up with dropless whores.
          Destiny raised her glass. "To Mars!" she said.
          "Nah," I replied. "To us."
          She smiled. "I'll drink to that!"
          An alarm went off. It never fails. I grabbed my tablet.
          Shit! A fire!

This is a crude, rough draft of an upcoming book that is less than 10% finished. Continues...

Chapter One
Previously...

Drops
          I'd been with Destiny for a month and a half now. We were talking over coffee before I had to go to work.
          Yeah, my job is work. I have to go to the pilot room and make sure we weren't going the wrong way, then I have to inspect the whole ship, and I have a pretty big boat. You think the people part is big? It's tiny. Yeah, the cabins are like apartments but storage and machinery takes up ninety percent of boats.
          And I had to inspect all of it except the passenger quarters, and I only had one passenger. Twice a day. It's a lot of walking, believe me. Even though we only have three quarters gravity; we get the gravity from acceleration. When we get more than halfway there the boat will turn around and we'll have the same kind of weird gravity until we get there.
          Anyway, I asked her if she was really going to be a hooker. She giggled. "You're not going to turn me in to the company, are you?"
          Shit. "Uh, what? I mean, turn you in for what?"
          "You'll keep it a secret? If you can't we're done."
          Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.
          "Yeah." Sweat was running down my cheek.
          "Ok, John, I have no intention of becoming a hooker. I just signed up because it was the cheapest way to get to Mars."
          "But your contract..."
          "Cheaper to break than buying passage. I have a pretty good lawyer, John. She teaches me stuff."
          "Well, OK" I said. "As long as nobody knows, I don't know. Kinda wish you hadn't told me."
          "I don't want to keep secrets from you, John. I think I'm in love."
          "Lets get married!"
          "Lets take it a little slower, OK, John?"
          "I guess," I said. "Better go to work."
          "See you, lover," she said, kissing me. God but I liked this woman.
          The pilot room was close to the Captain's quarters, of course. Hah! Captain! My crew were a bunch of robots and other machines, I only had one passenger and my cargo was whores.
          Shit.
          While I was walking through the boat I heard cats. What the hell? There weren't supposed to be any cats in my boat, but it sounded like two of them were in here fighting. I ran toward the sound, which was coming from the Commons.
          It wasn't cats. It was Lek and Lek, two whores from Thailand. Lek could talk English OK but Lek only spoke pidgin English. Wouldn't you know it, two people from the same country with the same names. I couldn't pronounce either of their last names.
          And they were in the throes of violence. Lek punched Lek so hard she flew all the way across the room and hit a wall. It was like some of the ancient 20th century movies me and Destiny like to watch. Of course, those movies were silly and the boat's at low gravity. So it looked really silly when that whore knocked the other whore across the room like in one of those stupid old movies.
          I'd talked to Lek before, the one who spoke English pretty good. It seems that in Thailand, prostitutes are revered for their service to humanity. I'm sure all those horny guys on Mars will agree wholeheartedly.
          I think she's full of shit.
          "OK," I said, "What the hell is this all about?"
          "I don't know," said the semi-fluent one. "She just attached me!"
          "You tenee drops! Cuen me drops! Me ow! the other one said. At least that's what it sounded like she said.
          "She thinks I have drops and she wants some. I guess she ran out."
          Uh, Oh. "There are drops on my boat?"
          "Are you stupid? Yes. Everybody got them."
          "You?"
          She laughed. "Come find 'em," she said with that twinkle in her eye that, well, I saw in most of them when they boarded.
          I gave the less fluent Lek an hour of confinement. Kids, you gotta ground 'em sometimes. I didn't have a clue what to do about the drops. I should have went to college.
          I went and inspected the engines... shit, I had no idea how they worked but I was supposed to inspect them? OK, just follow the checklist on my tablet and I don't have to have a clue.
          A robot was working on one, and I noted it. Standard procedure. Even though there's always a robot working on one, seems like.
          I was still chuckling about the Thai chick flying across the room in the boat's reduced gravity. We could do one G but the bean counters say it would cost too much, so I fly 'em like they tell me to. Times like that I'm glad gravity is reduced, that was hilarious!
          See, they tell me the gravity is from propulsion, we're always burning fuel. Or acceleration or something, I ain't never went to college.
          I walked back to our quarters. I opened the door – and saw her with an eyedropper.
          SHIT!!!

This is a crude, rough draft of an upcoming book that is less than 10% finished. Continues...

Chapter One
Previously...

Catfight
          Three days after liftoff we had docked with the ship, quarters were assigned to the women, the rocket went back down, the tube was jettisoned in a trajectory that would burn it up, and we were on our way to Mars.
        I was watching a movie, Destiny cuddled in my arm. God, I liked this woman. She was like a female me, only refined, she'd went to college.
        Of course, the tablet had to ruin the mood, damn it. I had to go to the commons area.
        Right now the commons area was a bar and the robots summoned me because there was a damned bar fight.
        I like having company but I hate being a babysitter.
        Tables were overturned, two women were fistfighting so I tasered and handcuffed both of the dumbasses. "OK," I said, "Who are you girls and what's this about?"
        "I'm Billie and that bitch called me a cunt so I hit her," the blonde with the black eye said.
        "I'm Sparkle," the other one said. "And I was just defending myself from that cunt."
        I sighed. "Look, bitches, there ain't gonna be no violence on my boat, get it? Billie, you're confined to quarters, and that means the door's locked, for twenty four hours. It happens again and you're locked up for the rest of the trip. Got it? That shit don't happen on my boat.
        "Sparkle, you get two hours and you better stay out of trouble." I escorted them to their quarters and removed their handcuffs, locked the doors and returned to Destiny.
        If I'd gone to college maybe I'd known about drops.
        As I was going back to Destiny's, Tammy walked up. Tammy, my sole passenger. "Trouble?" She asked.
        "Nope, just a couple of pissed off whores," I said. Yeah, I held this woman in contempt. A dropper whore was... well, you don't want to know one. Believe me.
        "That's what happens when they don't get their drops." she said.
        "Huh?" I hadn't known whores or droppers. But I knew I didn't want to.
        "Droppers get violent when they don't get their drops."
        "You?"
        "Best not fuck with me, asshole."
        Shit, no wonder the company gave me a raise. Droppers and no drops.
        I was in trouble.
          Or maybe not. It was a month before another such incident occurred, and was quickly quelled; I didn't have to ground the kids this time.
        When I say "babysitter" I'm not kidding. These fully grown women acted like spoiled children. It's like they weren't raised right, I don't know.
        Hey, can I go to the bathroom? Thanks.
        OK, where was I? Oh, yeah, drops.
        I knew those damned things were addictive, but I didn't know that withdrawal from them caused violence. And, it seemed, every time. I was in trouble and didn't know it.

This is a crude, rough draft of an upcoming book that is less than 10% finished. This short chapter will be enlarged for the book. continues.

Someone anonymously commented in chapter three that "I'm a sucker for spaceships in the solar system, so thanks for posting!" As he was AC there was no point in answering since he wouldn't have seen the answer, but had he been logged in I'd have said he should read "Nobots" if he hasn't already.

I hope if anyone sees any typos, misspellings, grammatical errors (unless it's the uneducated Knolls who's speaking), incongruities, or contradictions, please comment; I have no editor or proofreader. Also if you have an idea for some crazy stunt one of the droppers pulls, comment and I'll consider it.

Thanks for reading!

Chapter One
Previously

Liftoff
          I woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee and the sound of a woman saying "Good morning, Johnny."
          It took me a second or two to figure out who was talking. I was a little hungover. "Mmmh," I said. "Mornin', Destiny." I got lucky, I usually suck at remembering names but hers was so different it was easy.
          "Come have some eggs before they get cold, John."
          "You made breakfast? Damn, I think I'm in love!"
          She laughed. "Slow down, cowboy."
          I laughed. "Don't worry, I'm a snail. I thought you liked me too?
          She grinned sheepishly. "I do. That's the problem. I didn't want to like you, I wanted to use you. But I can't, I like you.
          "I might even be falling in love, damn it. Shit, I shouldn't have said that."
          I was glad she did. I thought I was falling in love, too. Never happened before, I don't know why I married my ex. But I might be...
          My brain exploded again.
          It was a little awkward but I had a way out. I sighed. "Time to secure passengers and cargo for liftoff. I guess you're first, lover."
          Her eye twinkled. "Lover?"
          "No?"
          She smiled. "Yeah."
            I strapped her in and started on the other two hundred women.

  "Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven... Six... Five... Four... Three... Two..."
          I braced myself for the Gs. "One. Ignition. Liftoff."
          God but I hate liftoff. Hey, you wanted this report to be complete, didn't you? Then shut up and let me talk. Jesus, guys.
          Anyway, after we were in orbit I unleashed Destiny, and she helped me unleash the rest. In fact, most helped unleash the rest. I was impressed, maybe the whores weren't as depraved as I thought?
          It turned out that that was completely wrong. They were more depraved than I could imagine.

This is a crude, rough draft of an upcoming book that is less than 10% finished. This short chapter will be enlarged for the book. Continues...

Previously...

Destiny
                The maid woke me up about noon. I hate that damned thing, always noisy as hell. Why does it have to clean at noon?
                "Coffee," I growled. A couple of minutes later a table with a cup of coffee on it rolled to me. Why are those damned things so slow? Anyway, I don't know why I'm putting this in my report except I don't want to get in trouble for leaving anything out.
                I took a shit and drank another cup of coffee.
                I switched on the video and turned to the news. Tornadoes, floods, fires, shootings, robberies, political corruption, some bullshit about the Martian terraforming project that's been going on for a hundred years... Why do they call it "news"? It's never new, it's the same shit all the time. Bored, I switched through the channels. Shit, all boring. I'll get a beer. So I locked up the boat and hailed a taxi with my fone and went to the nearest bar, which was five miles away. Why ain't there no bars near spaceports, I wondered. It was like that everywhere.
                I sat down and ordered a beer. "I'm sorry, sir," the bartender said, "but this says you're underage."
                "What? Christ, lady, I'm forty five!"
                "Well, this says 'underage', no ID carried."
                "Shit," I said, and got out my fone and turned on GPSID. "Try it again."
                "OK," she said, "It worked that time." I checked my balance - wow, beer wasn't cheap here.
                "Hi, Captain."
                "Huh," I said, startled. "Oh," I said, seeing who it was. "The woman that wanted on my boat. Gonna buy me a drink, lady?"
                "The name's Tamatha. You can call me Tammy. If I buy you a drink are you going to let me on?"
                "Nope."
                "Buy your own booze, loser."
                "Fuck you," I retorted. "I ain't cheap like you droppers."
                "I told you, I want to get away from that shit. That's why I haven't gone home, even though I really, really want to. Come on, please, I'll fuck you all the way to Mars!"
                I laughed. "Yeah, you and two hundred other hookers."
                "You're an asshole," she said.
                "So what, cunt," I replied. "Get outta my face."
                "What did you call me?" she demanded.
                "Are you good for anything but putting a dick in?" I asked.
                "OOOOH!!" She shouted, and stomped off. I got another expensive beer. Damn, I should have had the taxi take me to a cheaper part of town, even if the fare would have been more. I guess I could have took the bus, but hell, I got money, I don't need no bus.
                A blonde sat down next to me. "Hi," she said. "I overheard, why did she call you captain? Are you on the Mars boat?"
                "Yeah," I said. "Why?"
                "I'm going to Mars."
                "Yeah? That's what she said. She's not on the manifest."
                "I am."
                "Yeah?" I said, pulling out my fone and checking out the manifest. Of course, as soon as I activated it her face and information was shown. "Why, pleased to meet you, uh..." I glanced at the manifest, "Destiny. Is that your real name?"
                She giggled. "Yeah, it is. Buy you a drink, Captain?"
                "Call me John," I said, shaking her extended hand. "So why do you want to go to Mars?"
                "I want to see what it's like to be a hooker."
                I choked on my beer; women kind of fuck my brain up sometimes. "Huh?"
                "I want to experience everything!"
                She grabbed my crotch. "No charge for you," she said before locking lips with me.
                Wow. I was really looking forward to this trip!
                My boat's really a houseboat. I'd lied to that Tammy woman, it's my boat. I usually only live in it when I'm on-planet; it won't go farther than the moon in any reasonable amount of time, and I live on the company's Captain's Quarters when I'm working. Lots nicer than my houseboat. The company pays me to ferry passengers to their boat, in orbit. A second stage to hold a couple hundred passengers is pretty cheap, it's just a tube with gravity harnesses installed.
                I'd had a wonderful time! I really liked Destiny. Smart, funny, and damned good looking.
        We shared a taxi to my boat, and there were twenty women waiting when we got there. I had to check them all in. "Sorry, Destiny," I said. "You can drop by my quarters when I'm done here."
                "No," she said, and winked. "You can come to mine."
        "Uh, your cabin's in orbit. This isn't the ship, this is just a rocket underneath a harness tube underneath my houseboat. The ship itself's in orbit waiting for us. Just take the elevator to my boat, when we take off you can use a harness there, you don't have to ride in the tube."
                The fucking women just wouldn't stop coming, and most of them acted horny, a sure sign they were high on drops. Most of them hit on me, none too subtly.
                This was going to be a good trip! At least, if I could get all those whores inside the boat. No sooner than I'd start walking to my quarters the damned bell rang. It kept up all weekend. Finally, maybe midnight Sunday, I got what I thought was going to be eight hours sleep. I'd had maybe four all weekend.
                I got two more before the doorbell rang. It was that damned Tammy. "You ain't getting' in. Now go away before I call the cops" I said.
                "Check your manifest."
                I checked it. "You aren't on it."
                "Look at the passengers list."
                Passengers? Huh? Ok, I checked. Damn, she was there. I unlocked the airlock. "17 C", I said, and went to my cabin.
                I got some sleep, finally... an hour later. I really like Destiny!

This crude, rough draft has been edited from /.'s crude, rough draft and is slightly bigger. This story is now Soylent's fiction. Hey, that's better than sy-fy, isn't it? Continues...

I'm Retireded!
Today was my last day of work. I haven't felt like this since I got out of the Air Force! In the words of Martain Luther King and doubtless countless freed slaves after the civil war, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

It took four years to write Nobots. I might publish two more this year. Freedom!

Previously

Tamatha
                What got me interested was the fact that they were whores! I was going to have a boatload of horny whores!
                See, I'm not good with women. What I mean by that is women use me and I'm too damned stupid to see it. And I was too damned stupid to realize that whores are women.
                What happened earlier, you know, led to my stupidity. Well, except the stupidity of not realizing whores are women, that was incredibly stupid.
                Did I tell you about women? They've made my life hell. Look at the week before they handed that Mars assignment, for instance. No, never mind, you don't want to hear it.
                Most of what I learned about women I learned from the powers of Evil. What I mean is, women taught me about women.
                For instance:

• The one thing that will attract a woman, more than any other thing, is another woman on your arm
• A woman doesn't want you unless she can take you away from another woman
• A woman isn't impressed by a big dick, but if you have one she'll brag about it to her friends and if you don't she'll make fun of it
• A woman is incapable of putting anything back where she found it.
• Women will bitch about the very aspects of their men that attracted them in the first place
• Most women prefer the sexual vibrators manufactured by the Harley-Davidson corporation
• A woman will throw the things you want to keep away, and keep the things you want to throw away. She'll throw out the "useless junk" your late great grandfather left you but leave the ball of lint and empty soap box on the dryer.
• A woman will rearrange your shit so she can bitch about your asking where it is. "Well LOOK for it!"
• A woman can never get enough sex, but she can get too much sex
• There is no good answer to the question "is my ass too big?"
• You're most attractive to any woman right after you've had sex with a different one

                Being stupid, I was happy. I guess that's the secret to happiness - Be stupid. But stupid pays later.
                I went home, took a shower, and checked out Ol' Miss before I went out single party partying.
                "Ol' Miss" is my own boat. It's docked to the company boat when I'm driving the company boat. She was home.
                I went out drinking.

                I woke up sitting on the couch with the doorbell screaming at me, a full whole warm beer on the table. What damned time is it? Five? In the morning? What the hell. I picked up my tablet. "Who is it and what in the hell do you want at this ungodly hour?" I growled.
                "Tamatha Winters, who are you?" the woman pictured on the tablet said.
                "I'm the captain of this damned boat. What in the hell do you want?"
                "I'm part of your cargo."
                "Christ, woman," I said, still irritated but noting that she wasn't bad looking. "We don't leave until Monday and it's only Saturday. At five o'clock in the God damned morning! Damn it, woman, I wanted to sleep late!"
                "I'm sorry, but I don't have anywhere else to go," she said.
                So I'm perplexed again. Or still. Or something. No place to go? A decent looking hooker? "So why not?"
                "Drops."
                "Shit, an addict?"
                "Yeah," the picture of the woman on the tablet said. "I heard there ain't no drops on Mars and I'm sick of the life. You think I like sucking dicks for... well, it ain't a living. More like a dying. I can't seem to stop on Earth, and they want women on Mars so I'm going."
                "They don't want women, they want whores. You'll still be a whore."
                "Maybe," she said. "We'll see. Are you going to let me in?"
                "I have to check the roster to see if you're authorized."
                "Why? Isn't it your ship?"
                "Look, lady," I said, "it's the company's ship. I just live here and drive it where they tell me to. I can't let you on unless I have you on the manifest. Let me look." I looked, there wasn't any Tamatha Winters or record of her face. "Sorry, lady, you ain't on the list."
                "What?!" She said. "Of course I am! Here's my papers," she said, holding out a fone.
                "Sorry, lady," I said. "You'll have to straighten it out with the company. Bye."
                "Wait!" the tablet exclaimed. "I can't go home! There's drops there and I won't make the liftoff!"
                "Sorry, lady, I ain't gonna screw up a good job. I can actually buy shit instead of having crappy printed out shit and I ain't gonna mess it up. GoodBYE!" I said, disconnected, and went to bed. At least the cunt had me in more comfortable sleep, my couch sucks to sleep on.

This crude, rough draft continues...

Prologue
        I don't know why they're making me write this damned report, I never had to write a report before. Ain't like I been to college or nothing. I didn't have to write a report after Vesta, why now? Maybe because this trip was so damned out of the ordinary? I don't know, I'm just talking into this thing and I don't know where to start, so I'll just start.

The Meeting
              I was scared shitless; the CEO had called me into his office. Jesus, the fucking CEO! Why would a CEO want a lowly boat captain to talk to him? Yeah, centuries ago ship captains were really important guys, but that was back when they needed crews. I was a glorified bus driver and babysitter.
                I liked hauling passengers because at least I'd have somebody to talk to. It takes a long time to get from planet to planet, and it's usually a boring trip. They pay pretty damned good, too -- cargo boats don't need babysitters.
                Jesus! The CEO! I was shaking as I walked into his office. If I was going to get fired for that little incident on Vesta my chief would have sacked me.
                "Have a seat, Mister Knolls. Coffee?"
                "Uh," I said, "Uh, thank you, sir." I fidgeted in my chair. His assistant gave me a cup.
                "Knolls, your supervisor told me all about Vesta."
                I almost pissed my pants. Shit, they were going to sue me.
                "That was some damned good work, Knolls."
                My head kind of exploded. "Sir? Two men died!"
                "Yes, Mister Knolls, but you saved ten million dollars in equipment and the wrongful death suits were only a million each. God damned good work!"
                "Uh, thank you, sir," I said, wondering how damned evil this man could be.
                "I have a new assignment for you," he said. "Your supervisor told me you didn't like cargo runs, but this time you'll have someone to talk to."
                My head kind of stopped working right then.
                "This assignment is important. You're the man for this job and we're giving you a fifty percent raise."
                "Uh, sir, uh, what's my cargo and where am I taking it?"
                The CEO smiled. "Women. You're to transport two hundred woman to Mars."
                "Women?" I asked, my brain still not working properly.
                "Whores, Knolls."
                Taking a couple hundred whores to Mars? Wow.
                "So, Knolls, are you taking the assignment?"
                What could I say? Of course, not ever having met any whores I had no idea how much of a pain in the ass it would be or that I would regret my decision. "Yes, sir, how could I not? Of course! When do I leave?"
                I wish my brain would have been working. God, what a mistake.

This is a crude, rough draft. Continues...

The book I'm working on now is the same name as the title of this journal. It was started at slashot, but will be finished here. I'll post it there, but the soyled get it first.

Except that it's already started and from what I can tell, none of the folks here at soylent know me. So for the next few days I'll be posting Martian whores here.

You had no idea what you were getting into, did you?

Neither did I.

What you will read is a crude, first draft. Stuff will be added to existing chapters, stuff will go away, and the order of some will most likely be changed. For an example, look at this finished, edited version of Nobots chapter 7 (which stands on its own as a story) compared to the draft.

I'll start posting chapters tomorrow. Wish Soylent had a "sci-fi" category...

This journal probably fits the other site better, since I don't think any of my old fans have come here yet, but I did say I'd post journals here first.

Ten years ago K5 was thriving, and my diaries got popular there. Folks wanted me to make a book out of them, and I promised I would.

I never got around to it, despite people periodically nagging me to. I finally did put together a PDF. I'd excised much of it, thinking it was too long, and emailed copies to those who asked.

Last Fall when I released the hardcover of Nobots I was again chided to get The Paxil Diaries on cellulose.

I'd discovered that no, it wasn't too long at all, and the abridged version was too short. So I redid the whole thing. I've been working on it almost exclusively for months and neglecting Mars, Ho! which I haven't done anything to since fall.

All that's left before publication is registering a copyright (it's half done in another tab), registering an ISBN (I have nine in reserve) and making a cover.

The cover is the sticking point. It's going to be a photo of downtown Springfield with Betty Boop photoshopped in, and I'm waiting for Springtime to take the photo.

So if anyone reading this has been urging me to release a physical book, I'm projecting sometime in April.