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So, the other day, my Wife and I were driving on the highway. She turns to me, and says, "I think I want to be involved. We should create a couples profile, and see if we can find a girl for a Triad". (A Triad is, basically, a serious three-way relationship where ideally everyone loves each other.)
"Great!", I say, and we drive on in silence as I try to process this.

Now I don't know how many of you are familiar with online dating, but it really sucks to be a guy on an online dating site (unless you are really, really hot). For a guy, it's mostly looking at pictures of women (some attractive, most not), then reading their profile, and sending a message that is hopefully good and original. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of time. The vast majority of your messages will be unanswered. It's tough not to feel like the mud on their boots that they try to scrape off, but there are entire forums related to this subject. Now, I'm not a terrible looking guy, but I am married and open about that, so that deters a lot of women.
My wife knows that the online dating scene hasn't been the easiest thing for me, and so her suggestion to make a couple's profile was her way of helping. My wife is pretty damn good looking, with beautiful reddish hair. Finding a women with her as part of the package might make things easier.

Now for me, a Triad is really my ideal end game. The thought of having a wife and a girlfriend that not only get along, but actually love each other would be amazing! My mind was racing for much of the day, trying to sort everything out.

This brings us to Unicorns. So, what is a Unicorn? Well, a Unicorn is a creature that is exceedingly rare with mythical qualities. So basically: a single (or at least available) woman, who is bisexual, attractive, open to being a "secondary" in an existing relationship, intellectually stimulating (for me), and spiritual (for my Wife). That Unicorn seems like a pretty amazing person...

Often couples looking for Unicorns unilaterally set rules that will apply to the Unicorn. Things like only sleeping with the Unicorn together, rules around being seen in public, loving them equally (as if that is even possible), etc. Now, we aren't really heavy on the rules (practice safer sex, basically), but many couples do have these rules, so Unicorn Hunters generally have a bad rap.

So, at the end of the day, we sit down on the couch and have a deeper conversation about things. I ask her why she wants to be involved now, when she didn't before. What changed her mind? I've been complaining about how crappy internet dating is, so I'm worried that she is only agreeing to this to try and help me out.

I make her read a really good article on Unicorn Hunting to make sure that we are on the same page. I don't want to set a lot of rules to restrict the relationship. The Unicorn is a person too, and they deserve to be treated fairly. If we do this, we are going to do this right.

We have a lot going on in our life right now. She has an appointment next Monday to have her UID taken out because we are going to try to have a baby (I'm terrified about that...). My Mom has been battling with booze for years and my sister thinks that things are getting worse, so she wants to stage an intervention type thing. I had to tell my sister that while I support her confronting our Mom about the drinking, I have a full plate and I can't guarantee much help on that front from me. I told my sister about my Wife and mine's relationship and how we were trying an open/polyamorous style of relationship. I trust my sister a lot, and I was really worried about coming out to her about this, but she really took it well. She didn't seem that surprised, mostly curious. She said that my wife and I have such a good relationship, that she could see how this could work. That was a really pleasant surprise. I've been really worried about opening up to my family... I'm sure that there are still mines to navigate there though. I have a big family, and some of them are really Catholic.

Anyways, so back to Unicorn Hunting... I didn't want my wife to be involved because she pitied me and my failures at online dating. I made her read the Unicorn Hunting Article. She reads the article, looks up at me, and says "I'm relieved".
"Why is that?", I say. It turns out that she did suggest becoming involved not for herself, but for me. Her #1 priority in life right now is a baby. She doesn't feel that she has the time or motivation to be involved with another person right now. I suspected as much, so while a little disappointed, I was happy that we could get to the bottom of things, and that we were doing things for the right reasons.

So, it's back to me being solo. I'm cool with that. At this point, I want to prove to myself that I can get a girl on my own. Everything in life that is worth a damn requires effort.

Well, back to the world of dating...

****

P.S. I'm sure some of you are thinking "Open Relationship + Baby = Not good (that poor baby)". Here's the thing... I'd wait another 5 years to have a baby if I had the choice, but I don't. My wife is 32.5 years old, so we are running out of time to have babies. Having kids is important to us, so biologically speaking, now is the time to have kids.

My wife an I both come from divorced parents, so we know all about a kid living with a broken family, and that is not something we want for our kids. My wife and I are both fully committed to each other and our relationship. Even though we have decided to take an unconventional path, I believe that our relationship is still much more stable than the average. Maybe both of us having parents that ended up cheating and breaking up the family gives us different perspectives and opinions. Remove the desire to cheat, improve communication, and maybe we can have a happy marriage while being free to explore ourselves as well. It won't be all smiles and rainbows, but neither of us are expecting that.

****

P.P.S. I'm curious to hear feedback on my journal entries. Do people enjoy them? Should I continue? Is this the right location for them? I realize that this is a tech site, but it's where I feel comfortable. Plus, there is a link for here for a journal, so I just start typing. There are a lot of people here that are married, and I'm sure there are some that may relate to my journals. Maybe it's helpful in some bizarre way. For me, I just like putting it out there. I like collecting my thoughts and writing it down. I also think that it might be neat to look back on years from know. Let me know what you think.

If you like my journal entries, add me to your Soylent Friends list. You will get a message when I make a new entry. Thanks for reading!

-- Snow

EDIT: Here is the article on Unicorn Hunting. It's a really great read:
http://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

Got IRCiv back to a working state after reworking authentication to make use of new features now built into exec. Also makes use of included alias definition, init and startup directives.

New features include map image cropping (no more huge black areas), a crop_map flag, use of notice instead of pm for private status messages, queuing of messages triggered by actions of other players, use of bot IRC message handling pause/unpause for robustness against command flooding (mainly to prevent corruption of memory shared by scripts running in parallel), a game-list command, and ability to load and save all game data to files.

Join the #civ channel in soylent IRC. Must be identified with NickServ to play. Type "~civ init" to initialize your player.
Note that IRCiv is not fully playable yet and is very much a work in progress in early stages of development.

Sample test gameplay:

<civ_test_player> ~civ u
<crutchy> ~civ d
<exec> #civ crutchy => player "civ_test_player" moved a unit within your field of vision
<exec> #civ crutchy => successfully moved settler down from (66,39) to (66,40)
<exec> #civ crutchy => you moved a unit within the field of vision of player "civ_test_player"
<exec> #civ crutchy => http://irciv.us.to/?pid=3
<exec> #civ crutchy => 1/2, warrior, +100, (76,26)
<crutchy> ~civ ?
<exec> QUICK START GUIDE
<exec> unit movement: (left|l),(right|r),(up|u),(down|d)
<exec> settler actions: (build|b)
<exec> player functions: (help|?),status,init,flag/unflag,set/unset
<exec> flags: public_status,grid,coords,city_names,crop_map
<exec> http://sylnt.us/irciv
<crutchy> ~civ unflag public_status
<exec> flag "public_status" unset for player "crutchy"
<crutchy> ~civ d
-exec- #civ crutchy => successfully moved warrior down from (76,26) to (76,27)
-exec- #civ crutchy => http://irciv.us.to/?pid=3
-exec- #civ crutchy => 0/2, settler, +100, (66,40)
<crutchy> ~civ d
-exec- #civ crutchy => successfully moved settler down from (66,40) to (66,41)
-exec- #civ crutchy => you moved a unit within the field of vision of player "civ_test_player"
-exec- #civ crutchy => http://irciv.us.to/?pid=3
-exec- #civ crutchy => 1/2, warrior, +100, (76,27)

Example map:
http://irciv.us.to/?pid=2

--
http://sylnt.us/irciv
https://github.com/crutchy-/exec-irc-bot/tree/master/scripts/irciv

A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation about smoking with someone and they posited this argument in favor of smoking being illegal near entrances and exits after I'd pointed out that the danger from second-hand smoke in an open-air environment was so minuscule as to not exist: The smell offends me.

That went up one side of me and down the other and today I say to everyone using being offended as an argument for anything what I said to him: I do not care.

No, that is not me being an asshole. That is me refusing to allow you to mold the world to suit you at my expense. You have no natural, societal, legal, or God given right to not be offended in this life. And neither should you.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness

Those, right there, are your chief three rights. It's quite important to note that you do not have a right to happiness but only to its pursuit. Also, the the end of each is precisely located where you would start infringing on the same for anyone else. Taken together with all the other rights enumerated in the Constitution, there is a further right that is very much implicit but I believe should have been explicit: The right to be an asshole. Beyond Life and Liberty, I would go as far as to say it is our most fundamental right.

You're probably thinking I am an asshole about now. Why would I say something like being an asshole is one of our most fundamental rights? It's simple, really; because anyone at any time can call anyone else an asshole for any old arbitrary reason. If this has any bearing on the rights of the person being accused of being an asshole, then they do not really have those rights and never did in the first place. All their rights are subject to sanction or removal by cultural fiat. No due process whatsoever. Only if you have the right to offend anyone, at any time, without fear of oppression are any of your other rights secure.

Large portions of our political landscape have always been made up of unscrupulous bastards who incessantly try to convince you that offending someone is bad or wrong. See this for what it is: an attempt to get you to place chains of your own making upon yourself. They know they cannot force you to behave according to their approval or disapproval, so they attempt to shame you into doing so by being offended. There is no difference today between the puritanical right and the Social Justice Warrior on the left in this; the tactic itself is as identical as it is reprehensible.

So, convince me of your position by logical or moral argument all you like. Tell me I should do or think something because it offends you though? You can jam that right up your shitter and blow some fucking bubbles with it, you fascist asshole.

So, that girl from the previous entries and I had a second date yesterday.

I picked her up and took her out to the mountains for a short hike to a canyon that has frozen waterfalls, and then we had lunch at a place that makes flatbread pizzas.

I think she was still pretty nervous, because I had to make most of the conversation for the first 1/2 of the day. After a while she started opening up and talking a lot more. She seems like a really nice person, but I don't think that we are very compatible.

At the end of the date, I took a peck on the lips, and left. I felt pretty used after the date. I thought that I had arranged for a pretty damn good date, I paid for everything, and not even a thank you. I'm not upset that I didn't get any action (quite the opposite... there was no chemistry, so it would have felt weird...), but just a simple thank you would have been very nice. I'm not even upset about paying for everything (I probably make double what she does), it's just that it felt like it was taken for granted... Maybe that is what I'm going to have to get used to.

I was really hoping that it would work out because just getting a first date was a terrible process filled with rejection.

Anyways, back to square one.

if you're in IRC and you wanna bring up a wiki section for discussion, type:

[[title|section]]

to output the wiki page section

eg:

[[IRC|Chat bot (Python)]]

outputs:

<exec> ELIZA module that uses Futurama personalities (to match the bot's current nick) Modify bot logging to match existing formats (mIRC preferably)
<exec> http://wiki.soylentnews.org/wiki/IRC#Chat_bot_.28Python.29

This is a book review for the book "Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships" by Tristan Taormino

http://www.amazon.ca/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X

I don't really know the proper format and style for a book review, and I frankly don't care, so this might be in an unconventional style.

This is a book all about open relationships. The history, the different kinds, as well as some related topics - jealousy, setting rules and boundaries, dealing with problems, raising children, and a few others. For those that have been following my other journal entries, you will know that my wife and I are opening up our marriage. This book is often highly recommended to couples (or individuals) who want to explore open relationships.

The author sent out a questionnaire to collect data from people in nonmonogamous relationships, and the book incorporates the results of that questionnaire through stats and case studies that are sprinkled throughout the book. The book overs many different types of nonmonogamy - partnered nonmonogamy, swinging, ployamory, solo polyamory, polyfidelity, and also when one member is monogamous while the other is not. Each of these gets it's own chapter where the book explains each in detail.

From there, the book provides information and examples on how one might negotiate an open relationship, and deal with things while in one.

I read this book earlier this week, and really found it really helpful. I come from a large and pretty close family that is quite conservative, and so for me, nonmongamy is pretty foreign. This book really helped me wrap my head around everything, while providing examples of relationships that were working while being open.

This book definitely has a favourable bias towards open relationships, there were many case studies of relationships that were working, but very few (if any) of relationships that fell apart. This may have been intentional by the writer, or it may have been a result of the self selected respondents of the survey (people that it didn't work for might not have responded).

I find that this book helped me 'normalize' the concept of open relationships. My wife is currently reading it as well and is about 1/3 of the way through. She has enjoyed it this far, and has also said that it has really helped.

I agree with the many other people that have recommended this book. This is a must read for people interested or currently in open relationships.

-- Snow

So, if you haven't read my first journal entry, I would suggest you read that before reading this:

http://soylentnews.org/~Snow/journal/800

When I wrote that journal entry, I was really in a low place. My job sucked, my sex life was lacking, I had lost my self identity, and I was just generally confused with my life. It has been just under a month from that last entry. I wasn't entirely surprised by the response from that Journal. Many people identified with my struggles. I think that these problems are rather common, it's just that it's so personal, that no one really likes to talk about it.

Unfortunately, my job still sucks. I still feel undervalued, and not appreaciated. Right now, that is okay. It was really shitty though when I didn't really have anything working in my life. It's nice to have SOMETHING that is going right, be it your job, your relationships, or something else. Just something that makes you feel good.

In my previous entry, I revealed diffrent parts of my life. One was my frustration with my sex life. At around the same time as I wrote the journal entry, I had a chat with my wife and we decided to cut back her hours. We could easily make do with the cut to our income, and she would come home exhausted and just wanted to be alone. She is now working 4 days per week, and I could immediately see a difference. She was happier, I come home to a nice cooked dinner on Mondays, and I'm getting a lot more sex. Since having her hours cut back, I've been getting laid 3-4 times per week (except for period time, which is right now). She gets aroused more easily, and we have all around better sex. We bought some sex toys, and have been lightly eperimenting with new things.

It has been 4-5 months since we started discussing opening up our marriage. It's been an interesting experience. We spoke at length last night, and believe it or not, at this point we are both in agreement that so far, this has been a positive thing for our relationship. Let me explain... We have been together for a long time. Like any couple that has been together for a while, there are good times and bad times. There were times where we were teetering on the edge of breakup, but never quite pulled the trigger. Time would go on and things would change and get better. I didn't even realize it, but I really took her for granted.

Since having conversations about opening up, I have been treating her much better. I don't know if it's because of guilt or appreciation of her acceptance of my situation, or something else, but I find myself wanting to do little things for her. She says that she notices a change for the better though, so that is good.

I was pretty depressed last journal entry because I wasn't having much luck with the dating website I was on, and it was just the cherry on top of everything else. Im happy to report that I had my first date in 12-13 years last night. I was really nervous - my hands were really clammy while I was waiting for her to arrive -- but it went really well. I had a lot of fun, and it was exciting to get to know someone new like that.

After the Date, my wife and I chatted for a couple hours about the date, life, and conventional monogamy. She says that in her heart, she is okay with the nonmonogmay, but her brain she is battling the ideas that we have all had impressed on us for our entire lives. Marriage is one man and one woman. They love each other unconditionally. Always. Everything is always perfect... blah, blah, blah. We couldn't think of one marriage that we know that was actually happy. We both refuse to raise kids in a broken household, so maybe there are other ways than the normal conventional style.

This whole experiance has been really weird. We are just taking things one day at a time, and going from there. Again, it's good to get my thoughts and feelings out, and who knows, there might be people that read that that can identify or benefit from my experience.

I'll try to keep posting every once and a while for those that wish to follow.

This last week has been really good :). Please feel free to comment below, and provide your advice or comments. If you have questions, I'll try to answer them.

-- Snow

one of the things i'm working lately is a bitbucket feed for soylent irc (similar to the #github feed)

it currently polls the events api url for one repo (uselessd) every 5 mins and spits out a message to #github if new code is pushed

i'm still trying to figure out how to relate changesets to commits listed in push events so that i can list affected files similar to the github feed. neither the atlassian api help nor google have been very helpful.

--
https://github.com/crutchy-/exec-irc-bot/blob/master/scripts/bitbucket_feed.php
http://sylnt.us/exec

The long and short of it is, there won't be one. We're pushing it until January due to me and PJ being occupied too much with holiday and Life stuff.

What you can look forward to:

• Moderation Rework

Not a final version and we haven't touched meta-moderation yet but this will cut down on the echo chamber effect, mod bombing, and lay some groundwork for combating spam as well.

• Input vs Output Wackiness

Currently if you put html entities in and hit preview they get transformed into literal characters. There's also wackiness if you try to put double quotes in a submission title. I hate this, you hate this, and it needed to stop so most of the code for it is already done and being tested on dev.

• RSS/Atom Feeds Moving to SSL

There is really no reason to have http links in the rss feed rather than https links, so they're changing. I'm also doing my best to get them to encode only the necessary characters and display properly but it seems like no two readers display the same.

• A Couple New Themes

Occasionally I get bored and do up a theme instead of actually working. This time around we have the VT100 and the OMG PWNIES themes. These are actually pretty easy to do. Feel free to mod and submit your own. All it takes is a custom stylesheet if you're okay with reusing existing favicons/logos.

• Support for Additional Tags

We're adding standard support for sub/sup/abbr/strike tags. We're also adding support for the custom tags sarc/sarcasm and two forms of a "user" tag.

• Additional Minor Bug Fixes

Bunch of minor bugs, some of which you would have never seen because they were on admin pages.

I think that's all but I'm not sure what the last one that went into our point release after the 14.12 update was.

Until recently I could see the number of stories in queue in the upper right, but that seems to have been removed. It would be nice to see this back and enabled for all registered users so we can see what's already been submitted. If we're going to submit stuff, it is preferable that it not be a duplicate topic of another pending submission.