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My deeply troubled friend quite clearly wants romance.

A far-wiser mentor of mine advised me that for me to allow that would do _both_ of us a grave disservice. Even so, I've been reluctant to put a stop to what presently is barreling along turned all the way up to 11: Full-Hormonal.

The very best that I can really hope for is to be there when she's hungry for food - which she's actually not, not very much, and even then she's largely living off of peanut butter and honey - as well as giving her a safe place to sleep, to the extent she's not engaged in her relentless search for her next fix.

She quite clearly _hopes_ to get clean somehow, someday. I want to facilitate that. My far-wiser mentor advised me to encourage anything she does that is positive. But so far, also she has is hope for "someday".

She's not in as much denial as I've known lots of others to be. She knows very well that this stuff is bound to kill her someday. She's quite dismayed to have woken up in the back of an ambulance after she unwittingly shot fentanyl then "got NarCanned" but not as dismayed as she would have been had that fentanyl actually killed her.

From time to time she'll ask me whether I object to The Monkey On Her Back. Quite clearly I do, but always I say "It is _your_ decision, and yours _alone_". I know this from hard experience with other addicts I have known.

Someone mailed it - anonymously - to me in the slammer. I recall that it was an award winner for the fourteenth year of that particular award, but not which award that was.

It is written in the first person, with the protagonist reporting that he's just about to be discharged after five years in a mental hospital. I _think_ he was a physicist.

In other news, as I write this I'm blasting Beth Hart's and Joe Bonamassa's "I'll Take Care Of You" turned all the way up to 11: Mutually Assured Destruction.

Good Times.

I've had a lot of background checks, in my lifetime. In my teens, twenties, and early thirties, the Navy did a bunch of them. In my thirties and forties, employers did a number of them. I've never actually thought about them much, they're just part of life, ya know?

Now, guns. When I was fourteen, I bought my first gun - a private purchase from an individual, with no licensed firearms dealers involved. So, of course no background check, not even in today's world.

Second gun, I was fifteen. Walked into the sporting goods store, and told them I wanted a 30-30 for deer hunting. Guy took a Winchester model 94 off the shelf, showed it to me, I liked it, and handed over $75 + tax, and got a receipt for it. Manager asks me how old I am, I say fifteen, and he picks the rifle up, and says I have to have my dad approve of the sale before I can have my Winchester. Hell, I wasn't even sure my dad WOULD approve.

Got the old man to come in to town with me, and give my purchase his aproval. He asks, "Where in the hell did you get $75?" I told him "I earned it, what did you think I was mowing lawns for?" We walked into the store together, the manager says "Hi", dad asks, "Did my kid pay you for a rifle?" Manager says "Yes, paid cash for it." Dad says, "Well, let him have it." That was all the "background check" that it took to buy a rifle back then.

Today? Well, I don't need or want a nice gun. The kids would just haul it off, and I might see it sometimes. I walked into the store, and asked for their cheapest .22 rifle. Dude says he has an automatic for a hundred bucks. I ask "That's NEW, for a hundred bucks?" Yep. Savage Arms, model 62. Good enough - it may not be highly accurate, but as long as it doesn't blow up (I'm remembering a Japanese made .22 that blew up in my kid brother's face decades ago) it's good enough.

"You'll have to do a background check, Sir." "Well, Okay, how long does that take?" "About half an hour." "And then, I have to wait for five days?" "Only if the computer rejects your application is there any wait."

So, he sits me in front of a computer, and I start answering questions.
"Are you a felon?" "no"
"Are you loony toons?" "no"
"Have you killed anyone lately?" "no"
"Are you an illegal alien?" "no"
"If a veteran, were you dishonorably discharged?" "no"
"Please rate the following people's performance, on a percentage scale, and add a one or two sentence explantion to each rating"
"1. Bill Clinton" "55% - might have been a good president if he weren't a draft dodging crook."
"2. George W. Bush" "60% - just too damned dumb to be any better."
"3. Barrack H. Obama" "50% - he should have run for office in a Muslim country."
"4. Donald H. Trump" "56% - he's a slightly classier crook than Clinton, but not as intelligent, and he has good looking women around him."

I'm waiting for the results of my background check, when people started gathering around. I'm feeling conspicuous, like maybe I've not only failed, but they are waiting for the SWAT team to come get me. The manager finishes his entries on the computer, and turns to me, with a tear in his eye.

"Mister, we haven't had anyone pass this background check with such a high score. Your score is so high, we want to give you this gun."
Everyone applauded, I got my gun, and walked out of the store with it. It's just that painless!

It's just awesome, people. Now I wish I had asked about a nicer, more expensive rifle.

Statement festival: 'Man-free' event found guilty of discrimination

Statement, a women-only festival in Sweden, has been found guilty of discrimination by Sweden's Discrimination Ombudsman (DO).

The DO said that describing an event as "male-free" breached the country's anti-discrimination laws.

The publicity issued in the run up to the event "discouraged a certain group from attending", the regulator added.

The event's organisers said in a Facebook post that they are "too busy changing the world" to respond.

"It's sad that what 5,000 women, non-binaries and transgender experienced as a life-changing festival made a few cis [cisgender] men lose it completely," the post added.

[...] The DO's ruling acknowledged the man-free rule was not enforced at the festival, held earlier this year, adding that "no differentiation based on sex was made between visitors at entry".

As nobody suffered damage from the festival's restrictions, it added, no financial penalties would be imposed.

Journal for K.

So, I should be really happy and excited: tomorrow I start as a pharmacy technician at a fairly prestigious institute in Madison, Wi. No, not going to tell you where. I've wanted to do this for so, so long, and really--considering I can look at a molecule and give you at least a decent approximation of what effects it will have, this is an excellent fit. But I'm still nervous, if only because so many horrible things have happened to me and the idea of stability and a long-term career seems alien, like something I'm not "allowed" to have if that makes sense. So I'm afraid it'll be taken away from me like so many other things have been.

Wish me luck. I want to get PTCB certified as soon as possible and make a lifelong career out of this, slowly working my way up the ladder and making a positive contribution to the lives of many people. Maybe, though I don't dare to dream, this could even include going back to school and getting involved in the drug-discovery process, especially for new antibiotics or non-addictive painkillers. Other interests include changing hospital spaces to reduce infection and increase patient well-being--think "copper alloy railings, enclosed UVC-light air pumps, and lots and lots of sunlight" and so on--and nutrition, though I fear my low-carb lifestyle is sufficiently against current medical orthodoxy to make this a non-starter and even politically dangerous.

But whatever happens, for the first time in ages, it feels like time has begun to flow for me again. That feeling of being a sort of solid ghost is disappearing. And that can only be a good thing, right? I just hope it doesn't all go to hell...

She lost her school job after refusing to sign a pro-Israel pledge. Now, she’s filing a lawsuit. (archive)

Bahia Amawi, a speech pathologist who has worked as a contractor in a Texas school district for nine years, received a new contract agreement to sign in September for the upcoming school year. The agreement asked her to affirm that she did not boycott Israel and assert that she would not while working for the school. She declined to sign it. Amawi, an American citizen of Palestinian descent who was born in Austria, said the statements infringed on her principles: her stance on Israel’s treatment of Palestinians and her belief in the First Amendment. So she was forced to stop working with the district.

The contract, which stems from a 2017 law passed by the state’s Republican-held legislature and governor that prohibited state agencies from contracting with companies boycotting Israel, is the subject of a lawsuit filed this week by Amawi in federal district court in Austin.

Amawi says the state’s enforcement of the law violates her right to free speech. “My first reaction was shock,” Amawi told reporters Monday. “Why is the government restricting me from boycotting a certain entity?”

Amawi started working for the Pflugerville Independent School District outside Austin in 2009. Her work entails doing evaluations of Arabic-speaking children, according to the complaint she filed. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton and the school district are named in the lawsuit. [...] Glenn Greenwald, a columnist and co-founding editor of the Intercept who writes frequently about Israeli politics as they intersect with those of the United States, wrote harshly of the contract. “The language of the affirmation Amawi was told she must sign reads like Orwellian — or McCarthyite — self-parody, the classic political loyalty oath that every American should instinctively shudder upon reading,” he wrote. “In order to continue to work, Amawi would be perfectly free to engage in any political activism against her own country, participate in an economic boycott of any state or city within the U.S., or work against the policies of any other government in the world — except Israel.”

Also at The Hill and The Daily Beast.

Meanwhile, Congresstards are trying to add Israel anti-boycott legislation into a spending bill that prevents a government shutdown:

A bipartisan group of lawmakers is scrambling at the eleventh hour to include controversial language in a year-end spending bill prohibiting U.S. companies from joining boycotts of Israel launched by the United Nations or similar groups.

Sen. Ben Cardin (D-Md.) and other members are pressing congressional leaders to attach his Israel anti-boycott legislation to a sweeping omnibus spending package — a move that could complicate efforts to prevent a government shutdown.

“There is bipartisan interest in this issue, but everything is still being negotiated and nothing has been decided,” said one senior House Republican aide.

[...] “This bill sets a precedent for penalizing First Amendment actions because they’re unpopular or because the government doesn’t agree with them,” said Manar Waheed, senior legislative and advocacy counsel at the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). “This is a step on a road to the erosion of First Amendment rights in a way that will impact movements and viewpoints for the future.”

See also: How Democrats are helping the right stifle debate on Israel

While there are other reasons that I've been gravitating towards what I'm about to say, it was having seen not "Lady Gaga" but Stefani Germanotta as well as Bradley Cooper in their remake of "A Star Is Born" that actually precipitated my long-delayed decision

: A couple years back I quite sadly read Steven Pressfield's "Turning Pro". "Sadly" because while I was greatly inspired by his "The War Of Art", I had not read far before I knew full well that not only was I not a Pro, I was unlikely ever to become one as well.

That all changed right around 7:15 this last evening - Sunday, December 16th, 2018:

I Turned Pro.

That is not a decision to be made lightly, but I will explain later just why it is not, as well as what it actually means not so much to be a Pro, but to become one.

I will say that before the sun sets on another day, I will have posted my first vocal demo track at the above site. I'm having trouble getting my "Dry" raw recordings mixed right so as to sound good when they're "Wet", that is, when they've had such effects as Reverb mixed into them.

I've been working on a full-length vocal CD for a while now. Quite likely I won't need to mix my Dry tracks at all were I to add a third mic placed about fifteen feet away so as to capture the room ambience.

Just now I emailed my piano EP's producer Pete Burnight to ask his recommendation for a battery-powered Electret Mic.

He lent me two such mics for my EP's recordings onto his portable four-track with TDK SA-X cassette tapes run at double speed - so as to diminish the Tape Hiss - then mixed them for me onto a DAT cassette.

More commonly known as "Condenser Mics", they require "Phantom Power" not so much as to power them rather to charge the two metal-coated membranes whose change in capacitance results in subtle AC current fluctuations. "Phantom" because very, very little actual current flows.

I want a battery-powered mic - Pete's were battery powered - because I regard amp-supplied power over the XLR cable to be Wrong In The Eyes Of The Lord.

That first demo track I'll record with my iPhone 7 and the mostly-excellent Pro Microphone iOS. "Mostly": I'll post a review on my above site Real Soon Now.

Steven Pressfield Dot Com while quick to answer pings leads my browser to spin for tens of minutes just now. I'll post links to both "Turning Pro" and "The War Of Art" after Pressfield's webmaster gives his box a Boot To The Head.

World's First 'Performance Enhancing Gaming Glove' Funded on Kickstarter

As gaming becomes increasingly mainstream through the younger generations, entirely new lines of accessories are being designed and produced for this ever-growing audience.

The latest one is the Flashe Gaming Glove, which according to the makers will enhance your gaming performance on PC. It will also reduce your potential for injuries and increase your comfort while generally using a mouse. Oskar "Dodde" Ödmark came with the original concept, after suffering a shoulder injury in 2014. Being a mechanical engineer, he eventually came up with a solution that has been patented in Sweden earlier this year.

The Flashe gaming glove is now on a Kickstarter campaign for crowdfunding. With thirteen days to go, it already got over four times the minimum goal. The estimated delivery for backers is February 2019.

I say: remove the arms. Then you won't feel arm discomfort during gameplay.

Don't worry The Thought Police aren't after me again.

I wrote a short essay about the most frightening experience of my entire life.

While I posted it, and while it will show up in web search as I added it's URL to my Sitemaps Protocol map, it's going to be a good long time before I tell anyone but a deeply trusted few, and even them not for a while from now. I won't email it to anyone rather I will send it snail mail.

I will leave you with this hint though.

The first time I made a Schizophrenic stop hallucinating just by talking to him was in the plain sight of two Psychiatric Nurse in a PICU. One of them wandered nonchalantly out from behind the nurses desk about ten minutes later:

      Did you see what I did there,
      I asked quietly.

      Yes, just as quietly.

        I don't know why it worked.

        You entered his reality. If you can figure out the rules
        that apply there, you can bring him some relief.

A deeply faithful old man was being tormented by the Devil. Bernard just asked me to say a blessing over him.

In reality I can't make anyone stop hallucinating. While every Schizophrenic can make himself stop hallucinating, the don't know they can until I point that fact out to them.

Just writing this is really freaking me out. I'm going to go somewhere far away from my office, and I will leave my phone in my file cabinet.

Uuuuugh. Just a small mini-rant today. I got bounced from a social circle online elsewhere earlier today because, *apparently,* having a genital preference is transmisogyny. It's not enough that I support transwomen through their struggles and transition and suffering; no, the fact that I am a strict vagitarian and flatly refuse to date or have sex with a transwoman who still has male equipment makes me A Bad Person (TM).

This is how you get TERFs. I wish these people understood how much it reeks of male privilege--yes, MALE privilege, even though they were always women mentally and are on their way physically--to demand that a gay but cisgender women open herself, in the most literal, intimate, and deep sense, to the body parts she is not attracted to because the mind matches.

Look, I'm not going to date Buck Angel or another FtM who still has a vagina either: I'm a lesbian. I like women. I don't demand they be "womyn-born-womyn," but boy bits are verboten. What is unreasonable about this?! Isn't the entire point of someone going MtF to get a woman's exterior to match her interior?

I'm never going to become a TERF, but stuff like this is almost guaranteed to create more of them. I am having less and less sympathy for transwomen the older I get, and that worries me, because we're still all humans at the end of the day. I just wish some of them would pull their heads out of their asses about this.