SoylentNews

Folks, it's my great honor to announce Bill Shine, formerly the Co-President of @FoxNews -- as my
White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Communications. Bill takes, very proudly, the job in which Sean Spicer, Mike Dubke, Anthony Scaramucci and Hope Hicks served me. He was outstanding as one of the top execs at Fox and he'll be amazing at the White House. Important job and we're giving him a VERY WARM welcome!!! foxnews.com/politics/2018/07/05/bill-shine-former-fox-news-executive-named-deputy-white-house-chief-staff.html

Big thanks to Scott Pruitt of my DEP, my Department of Environmental. Who's resigning to pursue other opportunities. Scott, you did terrific work. Canceling many regulations. So great for our industries. We're BRINGING BACK THE JOBS and you've done a lot to make that happen. Incredible guy!

And I'm bringing in another amazing guy. Andy Wheeler, very famous guy from our great coal industry. Andy's going to do great things and our coal miners are going to be very busy. Mining beautiful clean coal. And we're going to win many awards for environmental. Believe me. foxnews.com/politics/2018/07/05/scott-pruitt-resigns-as-epa-chief-trump-announces.html

$ echo "Just _once_ in _every_ man's life he just _has_ to bust loose and '$ sudo rm -rf *'."
Just _once_ in _every_ man's life he just _has_ to bust loose and '$ sudo rm -rf *'.
$ sudo rm -rf *
Password:
$

Folks, today our Country has been WINNING for 242 years. In war, in many things. Great day to honor our war heroes & veterans. Our great and very brave soldiers. And by the way, I capitalize certain words only for emphasis, not b/c they SHOULD be capitalized! One People, One Family, and One Glorious Nation under God! And also under me. Also under me. pic.twitter.com/ue5JEZy85v 🇺🇸

Wow! The NSA has deleted 685 million phone calls and text messages. Privacy violations? They blame technical irregularities. Such a disgrace. The Witch Hunt continues. First they came for the Salemites. Then they came for the communists. Now they're coming for me!

For a developer, for a prostitute, for a lawyer -- for so many professional folks -- the client must always come first. Before yourself, before your family, before anything. And sometimes you take a bullet for a client. Or your family takes some bullets. Could be A LOT. It's called being a professional. It's called LOYALTY. It's what you do if you're any good. If you're worth anything!!!

Editor @janrinok asked me to put this in my journal. Because he thinks it's "satire." It's not, believe me, it's news. It's not news, it was news on Monday. It's old news. But it happened. 100%!

Tremendous thing for Turkey, the Turkish people re-elected their terrific President -- overwhelmingly. And gave him A LOT more power. The folks at the Associated Press call it "one-man rule." President Erdogan says it's a victory for democracy. And for national will! foxnews.com/world/2018/06/24/erdogan-proclaimed-winner-in-turkey-presidential-election.html foxnews.com/world/2018/06/25/turkeys-victorious-erdogan-set-to-assume-sweeping-powers.html foxnews.com/world/2018/06/25/whats-next-for-turkey-after-vote-grants-erdogan-vast-powers.html

Some guy was waxing fundamentalist with a megaphone as he carried a sign upon which he delivered The Christ's once-thought-lost lessons as for example "Gays Deserve AIDS".

Inspired by the bagpiper who got right in this gent's face when he was so very filled with G-d's love that he set out to save a few souls at Portland's Starlight Parade - held after dark with lit up floats, musicians and dancers - I myself walked right up to a perfectly legal and nonviolent distance then with the volume turned all the way up to eleven belted out such timeless hits as The Star Spangled Banner, You Are My Sunshine and Somewhere Over The Rainbow as my quarry struggled in vain to hand out religious tracts at the TriMet Pioneer Courthouse Square MAX Yellow Line Station.

But to my quite cheerful dismay I ultimately conceded he was a better man than I and so demonstrated my good sportsmanship by conceding his victory then suggesting he google "Michael David Crawford Baritone".

What people are saying about Michael David Crawford, Baritone:

"I Love You."

This from a lady who shot an iPhone video of me following Jesus Freak around all over Creation. (I didn't think to request she post it to YouTube.)

When again I take up my tip jar I'll come equipped with URL-bearing handbills that I'll mass produce at NedSpace. We all have the freedom to print a "reasonable" number of pages on a two-sided laser printer as well as the free use of my very favorite musical instrument:

A guillotine paper cutter. I own this particular one that I also use for the case inserts for my instrumental piano EP Geometric Visions: The Rough Draft. I shall soon take up handing them out Free As In Freedom when I sing on the street as well as at Open Mics.

Civilly And Disobediently,

Michael David Crawford, Baritone

PS: Coming Fall 2018: Michael David Crawford LIVE! On Broadway.

(...and Morrison in Downtown Portland, Oregon.)

Prior to departing Wisconsin, I was briefed on the shooting at Capital Gazette in Annapolis, Maryland. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families. Thank you to all of the First Responders. Together, we are MAKING AMERICA SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN!

I got a really bad case of the shits last night as well as excruciating abdominal pain.

Once I convinced myself that I would not piss out my asshole until after a hearty meal, I walked to the Emergency Room. Of all the toetullie kewal things I was the _only_ ER patient between 2:00 and 5:00 AM so I got the Red Carpet treatment.

They were concerned about my abdominal pain so they gave me a CT scan.

This is point at which the Roffle Copters start up their engines, their blades turning slow at first then whirling faster and faster:

The scan and some blood tests turned up that I have a garden variety case of the shits that the doc said would "resolve itself" with the aid of such over-the-counter remedies as Imodium. Too bad that I'm busted so flat that I can't buy any yet.

LOLCATS:

That same CT scan turned up a "mass" on my right kidney. The diagnostic radiologist and my ER doc both said it's most likely cancer.

But the ER doc said "It's not going to kill you as it's quite treatable. They'll just surgically remove your kidney then prescribe a course of chemotherapy."

I'm down with that as I've always hoped that the day would come that I might be completely overcome with vomiting while at the same time receiving an IV drip of Fenergin, Arnold Schwarzenegger-like anti-nausea medication.

I'll book an appointment with my Primary Care Physician just after I post this. Their scheduling people always ask _why_ I want to see her. The worse my complaint is the sooner I get seen.

I'll need a referral most likely to a Nephrologist, then that same kidney doc will give me a biopsy. I'll know from my Pathologist's report how likely I am to fulfill you sorry lot's heart's desires by perishing in indescribable agony, as well as what the best course of treatment would be.

Wish Me A Long And Happy Life!

Dying,

Mischa