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The Mighty Buzzard writes:
The 4/1 joke this year is on me. Working from home apparently doesn't get you out of working on your home, or in this case a church destined to shortly be my home. Which is what kept me from having time to annoy you lot with a terrible/goofy/whatever theme or some other silliness this year. Enjoy your lazy Wednesday and feel free to have a chuckle at my expense.
Side note: there are only sixty-one four-digit uids left at the time of this writing (the morning of 3/31) . Any of you long time ACs who think you might want to register before we hit five digits need to do it soon.
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(1)
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @01:48AM
At the end of this experiment the low UIDs will be the ones at the top of the food chain, so ACs take note. If you're stuck in the 5 digits you're not gonna last a week. Can't wait for my Soylent Bars made outta you late joiners.
TMB is in for a real surprise when he finds out the ACs are the vampires who actually have negative UIDs :D omnomnom
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:07AM (2 children)
Going for number 9999 might be worth it.
(Score: 5, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:25AM (1 child)
Isn't that the combination for Ari's luggage? I heard if you enter the sequence in reverse, a cardboard pop-up of Milo Yiannopoulos bursts from the suitcase with a pair of Ari's alt-whiteys on his head?
(Score: -1, Redundant) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @06:41AM
Evidently you are not aware of aristarchus' achievements in math? So many his critics are so because of cognitive deficits. Sucks to be you. Sorry.
(Score: 5, Insightful) by MostCynical on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:19AM (1 child)
You could have waited 'til the afternoon and posted "so how did everyone like what I did for April Fools'?"
"I guess once you start doubting, there's no end to it." -Batou, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
(Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:24PM
Well, maybe there is an April Fools' story, after all, and this story is just another April Fools' to lull us in security so we don't scan the stories for April Fools' and therefore fall for it.
Note that this story is marked Meta, and what could be more meta than that?
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
(Score: 0, Troll) by ilPapa on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:22AM (12 children)
I really thought with all the death and suffering of the current crisis, you guys would have shown a little respect and not engaged in a childish pursuit like April Fool's Day and followed the Bofa Rule.
You are still welcome on my lawn.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:28AM (5 children)
Ok, I give. What's the Bofa Rule? All I can find is Bank of America when I try to look it up.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:30AM (1 child)
Ask Richard Dawkins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:41AM
Has he stopped screaming about religion yet? If he has, I'd very much like to talk to him. If not, I would rather get answers anywhere else.
(Score: 2) by ilPapa on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:24AM (1 child)
*facepalm*
You are still welcome on my lawn.
(Score: 1) by khallow on Wednesday April 01 2020, @08:19AM
(Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Wednesday April 01 2020, @12:55PM
Barf On Furries Again. Obviously.
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 1, Touché) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:04AM
For not reading the summary before going into April Fool's Rage.
How about another joke, Murray?
(Score: 3, Insightful) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:10AM (3 children)
You haven't met many people who've had to deal with death or other horrific badness regularly, have you? A sense of humor at pretty much all times is mandatory. Soldiers, cops, firemen, paramedics... all of the above engage in copious amounts of dark humor as a matter of course, because dwelling too heavily on the badness will land you in a padded room for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I'm keeping my sense of humor if it's all the same to you.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 5, Informative) by ilPapa on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:22AM (2 children)
Buzz, you knucklehead. If you had a sense of humor, you might have not gotten wooshed so badly by my post. You just responded to the setup for a joke with a sanctimonious lecture about humor. Could you not read the room?
None of which are you, Bozo, so maybe lighten up just a wee bit and next time you won't end up with BOFA DEEZ NUTS ON YOUR CHIN, YOU NUMPTY *REKT%#@^*
Oh, and delete your account.
You are still welcome on my lawn.
(Score: 3, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday April 01 2020, @04:23AM (1 child)
Yeah, yeah. Fair nuff. I'd like coffee and a side of bacon with my lumps though.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by ilPapa on Wednesday April 01 2020, @05:37PM
Good man. I've always liked you, Buzzard.
You are still welcome on my lawn.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @04:31AM
Given the level of stress and fear, I think that a little humor would help.
Just because someone isn't focused, 24x7, on the pandemic, doesn't mean they don't take the matter seriously. Using non-malicious April Fool's silliness is, IMHO, a great way to break some of the tension and live in the moment.
Don't let this consume you. Take care of you and those you love and seek to enjoy the moments where you're not washing your hands or wondering just how bad things could get.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Subsentient on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:31AM (11 children)
Look at my UID. Could I ask for a nicer one? I win. Muahahahaha.
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti
(Score: 4, Touché) by Gaaark on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:45AM (4 children)
You could have gotten 69 !
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 2) by Alfred on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:51AM
(Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Wednesday April 01 2020, @12:57PM (2 children)
42, Gaark, 42. Please surrender your geek card and go sit in time out.
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 2) by Gaaark on Thursday April 02 2020, @02:55AM (1 child)
69, Phoenix, 69!
Please surrender your 'pleasing da wimmins' card! ;)
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Thursday April 02 2020, @04:19AM
Surrendered long ago on that one. Who the hell is that flexible anymore?
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 5, Touché) by NCommander on Wednesday April 01 2020, @06:33AM (1 child)
Yours is 3 digits too long I think.
Still always moving
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @06:45AM
I am shitting my self right now! An NCommander, UID2, post, right here down with us plebs? Well, OK, there are not that many of us, but still. All hail Ncommander! Bits be upon him.
(Score: 2) by istartedi on Wednesday April 01 2020, @06:36AM (1 child)
Look at mine. Could you ask for an easier one?
Appended to the end of comments you post. Max: 120 chars.
(Score: 2) by Joe Desertrat on Thursday April 02 2020, @10:09PM
That's the combination on my luggage!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @01:38PM
1111
Or Nov 11 is known as singles day in China because that date looks like 4 single people . It is definitely unlucky to be single past a certain age so to help remove the stigma they turned it into ..... China’s biggest shopping day, celebrate being single by buying something
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @07:57PM
What are you talking about? It's not even prime!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @02:46AM (5 children)
Who got 69?
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:13AM (4 children)
That'd be enrgeeman [soylentnews.org].
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 1) by hemocyanin on Wednesday April 01 2020, @06:44AM (2 children)
To get that UID and not use it but once? What a waste.
(Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Wednesday April 01 2020, @07:46AM (1 child)
He's probably too busy practising his user number.
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @04:59PM
meh -- what's the UID for wanking? That's likely more accurate.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @04:53PM
S/t.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:01AM
I was hoping to see my proposal, maybe next year?
by Anonymous Coward on Friday March 06, @12:49PM (#967509)
How about a write-in mod? +1 and -1 versions.
Log them, it might be fun/funny to look through the list.
by The Mighty Buzzard (18) on Friday March 06, @12:52PM (#967513)
Hrm... Not terribly difficult and could be hilarious. If I had the time, it would so be our 4/1 goof this year. Not sure how good an idea it'd be for day to day use though.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by HiThere on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:05AM (1 child)
Well, Alice didn't live in the restaurant....
Javascript is what you use to allow unknown third parties to run software you have no idea about on your computer.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:15AM
No bell tower to live in, though I suppose we could get a dog and name it Fasha.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @04:58AM (1 child)
If you're doing a lot of construction for your new house, build a bunker under it. That's just what I've done with my house. I have solar panels, a wind turbine, and battery power. I have a well and a water purification system. It's great for when you need to hunker down and get away from almost everyone. My bunker has more than a seven year supply of food rations and I even have a small gym under my house. I've been living off the grid for the past couple of weeks while society falls apart. No matter what happens in the rest of the world, I'll be just fine in my bunker.
I hate niggers, kikes, wetbacks, towelheads, chinks, japs, dune coons, pakis, curry munchers, gooks, and all other darkies. I hate darkies only because they hate America and are constantly seeking to destroy the civilized society and great nation we have worked so hard to build. Darkies are constantly trying to tear down America and plunge us into chaos and anarchy. Most recently, darkies brought the chink virus to America and are spreading it to every part of our great country. I hate darkies because their hatred of America will cause hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of Americans to die because of the chink virus. My hate is strong and I'm damned proud of it. In fact, my hate is getting stronger as I talk to you people. However, I'm not racist, and there's absolutely nothing racist about my post. The left will accuse me of being racist, but that's to distract from the facts in my post. The left can't refute any of my facts so they try to discredit me by labeling me as being racist. The left l complicit in allowing darkies to destroy America.
I'm hunkered down in my bunker, waiting for the virus to stop spreading and hoping that America will finally see the truth about darkies. and n iggers back to Africa. Send all wetbacks back to Mexico. Send all pakis, towelheads, and dune coons back to their shithole sand nigger countries. Send all darkies back where they came from and America can finally be great again. Even if the left prevents America from ever seeing the truth, I'll be safe in my bunker until the plague passes.
I haven't needed to completely isolate myself socially. Every few days, some friends and I have a cross lighting ceremony on my property. Fortunately, our robes and hoods guarantee that even if one of us happened to be infected with the chink virus, it's not going to spread to anyone else. And just in case, we still stand six feet apart while praying around the burning cross.
I'll be safe, alive, and well throughout this crisis created by darkies. To anyone else who wants to be safe during this crisis, I suggest you start stocking up on supplies. If you're renovating a house, I suggest building a safe place underneath it where you can keep the supplies safe, hunker down, and wait out any crisis. Jesus Christ tells us that the Tribulation will be seven years of Hell on Earth before He returns to vanquish evil for a thousand years. In the Old Testament, God promised to mark the evil ones, the descendants of Esau, with dark skin so that we can recognize our enemies. I'm looking forward to a millennium of God's chosen people walking the Earth in peace, finally free of the evil ones among us.
(Score: 4, Funny) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday April 01 2020, @10:19AM
Have you considered this might be us original residents' way of saying "thanks for all the smallpox"?
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 3, Funny) by Sulla on Wednesday April 01 2020, @05:53AM (3 children)
I suggested a few years back that for 4/1 SN should be changed to ariNews and for the whole day push all the subs from the past year (or the most recent 30 in the que). Would be fun for all.
Ceterum censeo Sinae esse delendam
(Score: 2) by janrinok on Wednesday April 01 2020, @08:40AM (1 child)
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Wednesday April 01 2020, @10:21AM
We could promote ari to Editor for the day and make him push stories and take the abuse as well. Then everybody'd get a laugh.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by Phoenix666 on Wednesday April 01 2020, @01:55PM
That's a devilishly good idea. Perfect April Fool's.
Washington DC delenda est.
(Score: 1) by shrewdsheep on Wednesday April 01 2020, @09:22AM (2 children)
I signed up when the vt100 skin was put up on an April 1st a couple of years back. Wanted to enjoy it a little longer.
(Score: 2) by Osamabobama on Wednesday April 01 2020, @08:59PM (1 child)
Why don't you just browse the site on your VT100? Is there no support for that user agent? I mean, I would check, but my VT100 is...well...let's just say that it hasn't been working properly for 30 years. (I assume yours is still in good repair.)
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(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 02 2020, @01:30AM
Mine was an Ann Arbor that emulated VT100....but had more character sets and could do 50 lines. Still that nice green text.
(Score: 4, Insightful) by EvilSS on Wednesday April 01 2020, @11:42AM (1 child)
(Score: 2) by Tork on Thursday April 02 2020, @03:02AM
I turned up at a webcam meeting today wearing a TNG starfleet uniform. I must be growing up, though. Someone remarked that I was dressed as Captain Kirk and I didn't even condescendingly correct them.
🏳️🌈 Proud Ally 🏳️🌈
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Wednesday April 01 2020, @03:51PM (9 children)
The green site was udderly useless on April 1.
So were many other sights as well. Endless mind numbing April 1 jokes and bad puns.
But knot on SN.
To transfer files: right-click on file, pick Copy. Unplug mouse, plug mouse into other computer. Right-click, paste.
(Score: 1, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 01 2020, @04:55PM
Speaking of udders, have you seen how happy the cows are after winter confinement?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lyg1dtx-Kdg [youtube.com]
(Score: 2) by kazzie on Wednesday April 01 2020, @05:31PM (4 children)
Agreed. That and other things nudged me toward remaining a quiet AC over there.
While I remember (and took part in) the Great F*** Beta Slashcott, I didn't hear about this place until months later, when some kind soul came back to the Green Site to tell us that the grass was even greener here at SoylentNews, hence my fairly high UID.
(Score: 3, Interesting) by DannyB on Wednesday April 01 2020, @05:42PM (3 children)
That is similar to how I found SN. Some blessed person ventured back to the green site to point to a better way.
To transfer files: right-click on file, pick Copy. Unplug mouse, plug mouse into other computer. Right-click, paste.
(Score: 4, Informative) by Osamabobama on Wednesday April 01 2020, @09:20PM (2 children)
Who was that person? I imagine they are still here, somewhere.
So I looked over there for Soylent shills, and found some stories from 2014 where comments directed people here. The user names were
Well, now that I think about it, I've seen that last one here quite regularly...
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(Score: 2) by DannyB on Wednesday April 01 2020, @09:45PM (1 child)
I don't remember who it was. So long ago.
To transfer files: right-click on file, pick Copy. Unplug mouse, plug mouse into other computer. Right-click, paste.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 02 2020, @05:07AM
Same here. It's been so long since "beta" that all I remember is how badly that went. I have no idea when I saw the link to this place, nor who posted it.
This place has been better than the last five years of the green site. I've only been back once and that was due to a link in someone's journal that I didn't look at the destination before clicking.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Friday April 03 2020, @06:10AM (2 children)
We love us some lame jokes and bad puns too, we just don't want them to be endless and don't want them in the stories feed at all. It's the difference between hearing a dumb joke from a friend and hearing eight hours of them from a child hopped up on Pixy-Stix.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Friday April 03 2020, @03:27PM
Lame jokes, endlessly, and not interspersed within serious ideas become tiresome quickly.
The new Java 14 has officially raised the maximum memory limit to 16 Terabytes. Yes, really.
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(Score: 2) by DannyB on Saturday April 04 2020, @06:30PM
I misspoke. It is Java 15 that will get the increase to 16 terabytes.
To transfer files: right-click on file, pick Copy. Unplug mouse, plug mouse into other computer. Right-click, paste.