Displaying poll results.
Optimus Prime
| |
7% |
19 votes |
Captain Kirk
| |
20% |
56 votes |
Staypuft Marshmallow Man
| |
3% |
10 votes |
Dark Helmet and Col. Sanders
| |
20% |
54 votes |
The Mighty Buzzards Used Sweat Socks
| |
8% |
22 votes |
270 total votes.
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- Don't complain about lack of options. You've got to pick a few when you do multiple choice. Those are the breaks.
- Feel free to suggest poll ideas if you're feeling creative. I'd strongly suggest reading the past polls first.
- This whole thing is wildly inaccurate. Rounding errors, ballot stuffers, dynamic IPs, firewalls. If you're using these numbers to do anything important, you're insane.
(Score: 5, Funny) by Sulla on Sunday February 26 2017, @02:50AM
No Mr. Rogers?
Ceterum censeo Sinae esse delendam
(Score: -1, Troll) by Ethanol-fueled on Sunday February 26 2017, @05:04AM
I'd have to agree with Gojira the 19-story tall mutated nigger. Levels cities for the fuck of it due to base urges and starts street-fights with other monsters with much collateral damage.
Too bad they didn't have a WorldStarHipHop back then.
(Score: 5, Funny) by jmorris on Sunday February 26 2017, @07:07AM
Since it isn't Space Godzilla, his range isn't sufficient to reach the Enterprise in orbit so he takes damage while unable to inflict any. Might take a bit of sustained firing but Enterprise wins.
Optimus Prime is an artificial intelligence. Kirk is specialized in defeating them. But since Optimus is lawful-good aligned Kirk could probably team up with him.
Wonder Woman has zero chance against Kirk's powers of seduction.
StayPuft burst into flame under the punishment of fairly low tech particle accelerators. Vs main phaser banks? Obvious ending. If Xul wants a grudge fight well Kirk is already a Godslayer so what is one more?
Dark Helmet is a joke. Kirk can cope with joke episodes and end up winning anyway.
Predator's sensors aren't as good as Spock's tricorder. And while it has some protection vs melee and projectile weapons, nothing in the film implies it would resist a phaser set to evaporate.
As for the Buzzard's socks, I'm sure Kirk has experienced enough weird space stenches (including a green chick's cooch) that he should have little trouble remaining coherent long enough to evaporate the problem.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday February 26 2017, @02:38PM
I can see only one flaw in your analysis. Are you sure Kirk is allowed to bring the Enterprise with him for the fight?
(Score: 3, Insightful) by jmorris on Sunday February 26 2017, @06:49PM
Captain Kirk without his command is just James Kirk, some dude on shoreleave. It is part of the essence of the character, even if you intentionally split him off the ship will turn up in the end, but in both Arena and Gamesters of Triskellion he ended up winning without their help. Might as well mandate Wonder Woman can't have her Golden Lasso and other accessories.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday February 28 2017, @04:11PM
Yeah, and The Mighty Bussard's Used Sweat Socks have to get washed first.
(Score: 2) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday March 07 2017, @02:08AM
Yup. Once a month. Whether they need it or not.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday February 26 2017, @04:07PM
Optimus Prime is an artificial intelligence. Kirk is specialized in defeating them.
Kirk's trick for defeating the M-5 Tactical Computer, which was insane, basically amounted to pointing out that it was in fact insane. As Prime has a lot more free will and seems pretty sound in terms of sanity overall (at least if you avoid the Marvel Comics version that ordered himself killed over a video game - literally - Kirk just might convince him to commit suicide over running over a mouse or something), I don't see this working. That said, I believe you're right in that Kirk and Prime would be hard pressed to fight against each other and would almost certainly team up instead if at all possible.
(Score: 3, Informative) by driven on Monday February 27 2017, @07:01PM
Sorry to be pedantic (it comes with the territory), but the vote says Captain Kirk, not Starship Enterprise nor all of her crew. Kirk can land a good punch, but I doubt he'd win in a match against any of the others one on one.
(Score: 2) by Runaway1956 on Tuesday February 28 2017, @04:07PM
That pretty much sums it up. Given the high ground, and weapons that reach millions of miles, you're in God Mode. Anyone who expects to beat you better have some damned good tricks up their sleeves.
(Score: 2) by jmorris on Tuesday February 28 2017, @05:16PM
Or Space Godzilla, put Godzilla in orbit too and the Enterprise is fast but fairly fragile vs a nigh indestructible beast who Kirk can't reason with or do much to trick since Godzilla is a primal force. Predator is only Predator when hunting, he has a spaceship somewhere and does spacefaring things we just never see on camera so can't speculate much about so must limit the action to a battle between Predator in hunt mode vs a standard landing party. And things would totally get interesting if it were Kirk and the Enterprise, "who doesn't like to lose" and therefore doesn't vs say Darth Vader and a much larger Star Destroyer who by use of the Force pretty much can't lose unless somebody on the Enterprise is also force sensitive. Diplomacy and trickery would be Kirk's only hope and Vader sees through BS pretty well, again because of the Force. Dark Helmet is just too hapless to be a threat.
(Score: 3, Funny) by edIII on Tuesday February 28 2017, @09:17PM
1) There are two sides to every Schwartz.
2) It's not Dark Helmet vs Kirk, but Dark Helmet AND Col. Sanders AND Spaceball One/MegaMaid against Kirk and Enterprise.
3) Spaceball One can outrun Enterprise in plaid mode, and MegaMaid could probably take on multiple Starfleet vessels purely due to size and the deflection capability of her super vacuum cleaner in blow mode. In suck mode, not even a tractor beam can compare.
4) Dark Helmet is always surrounded by assholes under his command, whether or not he is on Spaceball One.
5) Dark Helmet has excellent planning and strategy capabilities. But only when alone. With his dolls.
6) Without the ships, it's still Dark Helmet with the Schwartz against Kirk and a possible phaser.
Technically, lunchtime is at any moment. It's just a wave function.
(Score: 1) by kurenai.tsubasa on Saturday March 04 2017, @07:59PM
Wonder Woman has zero chance against Kirk's powers of seduction.
I see what you did there [imdb.com]! Well played.
(Score: 1) by alcamtar on Tuesday March 14 2017, @12:20AM
To be fair, Kirk will almost certainly succumb to the sweat socks. Luckily, being a captain means the crew has your back. All seems lost, until it is found that Vulcans have total immunity to sweat sock odor! Spock vaporizes the sweat socks with his phaser, Bones revives Kirk with a hypo to the jugular, and Kirk saves the day. At the end of the show, Bones remarks to Kirk that Spock seems to thrive on sweat sock odor, and the pair laugh while Spock cocks a longsuffering eyebrow. Fade to credits.
(Score: 1) by moondoctor on Friday March 17 2017, @02:03PM
>Since it isn't Space Godzilla
Oh hell no, that's where you go wrong. Godzilla *is* Space Godzilla. If he needs to size up to match the Enterprise he will, goddammit. If he needs to reach warp 9, he will! It's fucking Godzilla. All in the path of his fury will be destroyed. End of subject.
But... Godzilla is cool, he would be on Kirk's side anyway so really it's not an issue...
(Score: 2) by Azuma Hazuki on Saturday March 18 2017, @03:26PM
Wonder Woman is apparently bisexual in canon, so I'm not sure JTK's supposed powers of seduction will work all that well on her :D That said, the question is whether she can stand up to a phaser bolt, either by reflecting it or just being in-de-friggin'-structable as Superman supposedly is. My money is on the Enterprise for sheer firepower.
I am "that girl" your mother warned you about...
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday February 26 2017, @02:36PM
Son Goku wipes the floor with all of them (at once) :)
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday March 10 2017, @11:52PM
I'll take my chances with the future Pirate King.
(Score: 3, Informative) by arslan on Monday February 27 2017, @01:45AM
The fact that she can do it with Supes and survive... nuff said.
(Score: 5, Funny) by Gaaark on Monday February 27 2017, @02:34AM
Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.
Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.
Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore."
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Monday February 27 2017, @07:04AM
No wonder.
Q: what will you find in Superman's bathroom?
A: superbowl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoFiw2jMy-0 https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
(Score: 2) by Gaaark on Tuesday February 28 2017, @01:30AM
http://www.mikemotz.com/portfolio/super_pooper.html [mikemotz.com]
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 5, Funny) by rufty on Tuesday February 28 2017, @04:41PM
Warning: do not read parent post while eating a large mouth-full of peanuts.
(Score: 2) by Gaaark on Tuesday February 28 2017, @07:13PM
Penis? Why would you have a large mouthfull of penis???
Man, is Ethanol gonna have a commmmmmmmmment for you!!!!!!
:)
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 3, Funny) by GreatAuntAnesthesia on Monday March 06 2017, @11:43AM
By Larry Niven, no less: Man of steel, woman of Kleenex. [sunysb.edu]
(Score: 2) by Aiwendil on Friday March 10 2017, @07:38PM
Thanks, funniest stuff I've read in ages
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday March 02 2017, @07:11PM
But only the Lynda Carter version.
(Score: 1) by kurenai.tsubasa on Saturday March 04 2017, @07:56PM
Wonder Woman here as well! Later voted President [imdb.com] on Earth-38. Best cameo evar.
I'm looking forward to seeing more of Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman this summer.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 06 2017, @06:32PM
I love the "I'm 3 times your age and still hotter than you" look she gives the other actress in your link.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by nobu_the_bard on Thursday March 02 2017, @07:36PM
Has to be Optimus Prime. He can die and come back! He does it all of the time. Last time I'd heard the latest count he was up to 12 comebacks. I'm pretty sure Jesus still only has 1.
He also has an army of heroic transforming robot colossi with lasers, and human children minions with improbable luck.
(Score: 2) by zocalo on Saturday March 04 2017, @02:41PM
UNIX? They're not even circumcised! Savages!
(Score: 4, Informative) by The Mighty Buzzard on Tuesday March 07 2017, @02:12AM
That's a good point. They're usually only lethal for fifty yards or so.
My rights don't end where your fear begins.
(Score: 3, Funny) by NCommander on Wednesday March 08 2017, @06:56PM
Only on SoylentNews can we be having a serious discussion on range one must be at to determine LD-50 of TMB's socks ...
Still always moving
(Score: 2) by mendax on Friday March 03 2017, @06:22PM
Of the Star Trek captains, Captain Janeway is the kickass Starfleet captain. By comparison, Kirk is just another bald guy wearing a hair piece.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
(Score: 0, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday March 05 2017, @08:01AM
He just tweets he won BY A LANDSHLIDE NO LESS and 50% of US population believes it.
(Score: 2) by jasassin on Monday March 06 2017, @01:25AM
I choose Wonder Woman. If she tied me up with her golden lasso and made me tell the truth, we'd both be winners!
jasassin@gmail.com GPG Key ID: 0xE6462C68A9A3DB5A