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The shambling corpse of Steve Jobs lumbers forth, heeding not the end of October! How will you drive him away?

• Flash running on an Android phone, in denial of his will
• Zune, or another horror from darkest Redmond
• Newton, HyperCard, or some other despised interim Apple product
• BeOS, the abomination from across the sea
• Macintosh II with expansion slots, in violation of his ancient decree
• Tow his car for parking in a handicap space without a permit
• Oncology textbook—without rounded corners
• Some of us are still in mourning, you insensitive clod!

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