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Inflection Point: I Know How To to Fuck the Zuck, But You Must Trust Me

Rejected submission by MichaelDavidCrawford at 2019-03-15 19:53:19 from the evil-genius dept.
Digital Liberty

"But what can just one person do?"
-- Portland FBI Agent, after I explained to him the true meaning behind any flavor of Kool-Ade Mix other than Lemon [].

It is a Technical Measure.

There is nothing in any way unlawful about it; thus your donations would not be regarded as facilitating crime.

I want you to understand that I am a very dangerous man, in that my chronic insomnia leads me to become obsessed with dreaming up such Technical Measures as for example dreaming up several significantly different ways not for America to lose the War On Terror, but for Vlad to Set Donald Up The Bomb without us G-d Fearing Americans having a whole lot of opportunity to do anything about it [].

In that specific case, I dropped a dime to the United States Secret Service - Toll Free! - then after taking great care to reassure the - quite cheerful and friendly - agent who answered, I quite lucidly explained how I all by myself was The Antichrist, were I not such a nice guy. However, that security hole, while easily plugged with a technical measure of its own that would cost I'd say a half-billion or so - Chump Change to the Feds - remains exploitable, so instead I'll snail some dead trees to the National Security Council. But I digress:

I'd love nothing more than to lay waste to Silicon Valley right around now but to actually do so would result in Mom's California Public Employers Retirement System seeing a drop in its Portfolio Value. Thus, after A Great Deal of quiet contemplation, not only will I not release my Technical Measure as Free Software - Open Source misses the point, see [] - I will not release it for free along with a pint of Guinness, nor will I sell it.

No, I'm going to run in on my MacBook Pro while I relentlessly charm every last barista and waitress on G-d's Green Earth. Perhaps I'll even get blown on their breaks in the backs of their cars in their parking lots! How cool could that be?

Thus, I have some expenses:

Short-Term, I need just a few very modest things; some such as the Starbucks Card you can order online then send me an eGift Card - actually bar code: [mailto].

  • $120.00 - TriMet/C-TRAN Thirty-Day Express Hop Card Transit Pass (The Mark Of The Beast)
  • $30.00 - To get my shoes out of hock from the repair shop, as I walk like a duck
  • $80.00 - Thirty Starbucks Grande Pike's Place Roasts with Washington Sales Tax
  • $120.00 - Thirty free-refill coffees at Shari's Restaurant And Pies, Oregon so no tax.
  • $225.00 - Thirty Portland Food Cart Burritos with Tip

That's it: $575.00 - but just for my first month.

  • Michael Crawford, 650 NW Irving St, Portland OR 97209-1272 - but just this month!
  • BTC: 3QqqbegpkU9DzKZ8rCPfYSkiyWVGnDSE8J
  • LTC: MTPPDPhxkW1nu52AqvCeSbSkD32L9Vjuab
  • ETH: 0xebb698DC6784461ca5Ef0a3338E8E389628389C1

After that, I'm going to need some wheels - that is, if you get my drift - but as I'm handy with tools, and Mom's been paying the rent on my locker, I've still got my tools, my father's tools, his father's tools, as as Grandpa's best friend had no heirs, Charlie Wilson's tools.

Original Submission