SoylentNews is people
SoylentNews
DannyB (5839)
(email not shown publicly)
Creator of horrible puns I try to inflict on people daily. I haven't been voluntarily or involuntarily committed to a mental institution yet -- as far as I can tell. Despite programming in Java.
So I got a text from my wife that our old toaster is now toast. Or has bit the dust.
It was a simple four slot unit that was good when the kid still lived at home. We've certainly gotten our money's worth out of it.
So what to replace it with?
First, I must confess that I immediately recall a story I first read back in the 90s when computer hardware was more expensive and far less capable than today's hardware. A toaster with a mere 32-bit processor would be laughable.
The Fable of the 32-Bit Toaster API Spec
The following spoils the end of the fable.
The story does not end well for the computer scientist who is decaffeinated, presumably by a guillotine.
Such a primitive toaster design from 1994 didn't anticipate so many modern things.
How many sensors should a toaster have? Audio? Video? How many cloud services should it be connected to? Should it have a GUI interface? Touch screen? Voice recognition and response? Alexa or Google Assistant integration (or both!)? Integration with the living room TV? Should it have an Android app for me and Apple App for my wife?
How many slots for toast? 6? 8? A dozen? More? (will it need a NEMA 14-50 outlet?)
I haven't had to shop for a toaster for a long time. Certainly it was before I walked with a cane and took prescription narcotic pain killers. Now that I think of it, we lived in a different house; the thirty year mortgage on the current house will be paid off in fewer years than I can count on one hand.
Should I pay much attention to safety features?
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, @09:06PM (10 children)
If your toaster doesn't have the ChatGPT, how can you even sleep at night?
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Tuesday April 11, @09:08PM (3 children)
I was thinking maybe extra wide slots for bagels that don't talk back.
How often should I have my memory checked? I used to know but...
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 12, @02:25AM (2 children)
Well, if it spoke Yiddish, that would be ok, wouldn't it?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 12, @04:13PM
Loxs of luck with that.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 14, @10:57PM
N/T
(Score: 2) by krishnoid on Tuesday April 11, @10:33PM (2 children)
How could you sleep at night if it did?
(Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, @11:42PM (1 child)
I would put it in the bedroom and have it talk dirty to me.
(Score: 4, Funny) by DannyB on Wednesday April 12, @01:57PM
When the toast pops out, it is logical that the toaster should then go into sleep mode.
How often should I have my memory checked? I used to know but...
(Score: 1) by khallow on Tuesday April 11, @11:39PM (2 children)
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, @11:56PM (1 child)
Safety features will be important with more capable toasters. [thegunzone.com]. I don't know about you but I, for one, welcome our AI toaster overlords.
(Score: 1) by khallow on Wednesday April 12, @01:23AM
(Score: 3, Funny) by Tork on Tuesday April 11, @09:34PM
Slashdolt Logic: "25 year old jokes about sharks and lasers are +5, Funny." 💩
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 11, @09:34PM (1 child)
...can it run NetBSD?
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 12, @01:40AM
I prefer Linux, you insensitive clod!
(Score: 5, Funny) by bzipitidoo on Tuesday April 11, @09:36PM (4 children)
Safety features? The toaster certainly should have DRM to keep you safe from unauthorized bread products.
It should also have a fingerprint reader, so that only you can start the toaster.
For your further safety, the fingerprint reader should be enhanced with a needle, to prick your finger and draw a blood sample. Your blood will then be analyzed to see if it is healthy for you to eat toast today. If your triglycerides are too high, the toaster will refuse to start. UEFI will be built into the toaster so that hackers can't circumvent this feature or the DRM protections from bad bread.
(Score: 2) by cmdrklarg on Tuesday April 11, @09:53PM
+1 Funny, but for the love of FSM, don't give them ideas!
Answer now is don't give in; aim for a new tomorrow.
(Score: 3, Funny) by DannyB on Wednesday April 12, @02:01PM (2 children)
As a security feature to prevent unauthorized toasting, that blood sample should also be used for a DNA check to ensure only authorized users are toasting.
It can also perform a blood alcohol check to ensure users are not impaired from too much prior toasting. I'll drink to that.
How often should I have my memory checked? I used to know but...
(Score: 2) by bzipitidoo on Wednesday April 12, @03:30PM (1 child)
The Internet of Way Too Many Things: We're on a roll!
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Wednesday April 12, @08:48PM
Every internet cloud has a cat 6 lining.
How often should I have my memory checked? I used to know but...
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Gaaark on Wednesday April 12, @12:27AM (1 child)
As long as the toaster flies, you're golden!
--- Please remind me if I haven't been civil to you: I'm channeling MDC. ---Gaaark 2.0 ---
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 12, @02:43AM
Nah, go back a little further and watch Elwood make toast in two different ways,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SsItWffPVU [youtube.com]
We manage just fine with an old toaster oven here, these turn up frequently at thrift stores.
Lunch today was sharp cheddar melted over salsa, on bread.
(Score: 1) by Runaway1956 on Wednesday April 12, @12:33AM (8 children)
Step 1 - build a time machine.
Step 2 - research banks that have lasted since 1960 and still going strong.
Step 3 - go back to about 1960, and open a savings account. Doesn't matter very much, how much you open the account for. Ten bucks should be sufficient, but the more the merrier. (You could make periodic trips back, to deposit a little more money, now and then.)
Step 4 - bring your 1960s toaster back to the present. No IOT, no cloud, no electronics at all, just a heating element, and either a timer or a rheostat.
Step 5 - return to the bank where you started that savings account, and cash out. You might ask for a new toaster, but don't hold your breath.
Abortion is the number one killed of children in the United States.
(Score: -1, Spam) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 13, @10:09PM (7 children)
I thought I was going to get a new toaster, or assault rifle, when I signed up for a new SoylentNews account. Instead, janrinok asked me if it was OK that I would have limited privileges, and I replied, "OK". And then he said he was fine. I repeated that I was fine with that, but then he said this.
Rather rude. Is janrinok OK? I don't think I am a puppet. So new accounts are just not allowed? I have heard rumours.
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 14, @01:01AM (1 child)
Spam mod, on a potential soylentil, reporting problems opening an account? At this rate, there will be no one here but janrinok, Runnyways, and skhallow.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday April 14, @01:30AM
You have no potential.
(Score: 2) by janrinok on Monday April 17, @10:31AM (4 children)
You recently pointed out that thousands of accounts had been created yet not many of them were genuine accounts. Thousands of accounts created, some of them already making submissions and commenting in the discussions, but you think new accounts are banned. I fail to see your logic.
They all managed to create an account but you seem to have a particular problem with it. Perhaps your attempts at creating new accounts are different in some way that makes them easy to recognise....?
And you didn't quote the question that I asked that you failed to answer. But the fact that you are now here whinging about it as usual proves that we were correct not to accept it. It was a sock puppet which you have just proven for all to see.
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Monday April 17, @10:57PM (3 children)
Not surprising. The correct dialogue is:
I believe janrinok has misread the entire attack on SoylentNews. The strategy was to get the site to turn on itself, to get the admins to destroy the only thing that make the site worthwhile, by baiting them into restricting access, and censoring free speech. Now, basically it is game over. And janrinok is still unable to see he has been played.
(Score: 2) by janrinok on Tuesday April 18, @07:11AM (2 children)
Yet still the site continues despite the threats to shut it down. Despite being told over a year ago that it would only take AC a week or two to achieve this.
Dear AC, you can comment in the journals while discussing any topic that you wish. Others can discuss the stories that we provide for them - or not, it doesn't matter. We haven't got to hit a specific number of comments per day. or achieve 'x' number of new accounts per week.
The comment count is reduced on the front page BECAUSE we have removed all the pointless AC off-topic comments, personal harassment, or straightforward spamming that was taking place. It is now in the journals, precisely where it should be. The comment count is gradually increasing again on the site overall.
We are NOT restricting access to any genuine accounts (and lots of fake ones too!) - but we are now preventing the creation of many sock-puppets. Just recently we have closed down 7 sock-puppet accounts in just one day: : Fuck You Niggers 73, Legend of Aristarchus, Janrinok Censored Me, Soylent Abuse, Censored By Janrinok, Jihad Against Soylent News, Soylent Jihadi. Others recently disabled are NeverTheRaven2, Flounding Fathers, lithumnotus, obergrupper, noreasontotry. Do some of those account names ring a bell with you?
Nobody has had free speech removed. You are exercising your free speech now. But we are not providing a front page platform, for which we are entirely responsible, to those that claim they do not like this site or even want to be here.
Your 'strategy' has actually helped make the site operate the way it was always intended it should. And I don't see you being more successful anytime soon. Every time you complain we know that we are achieving exactly what we set out to achieve. Others can also see the results of your 'strategy'.
Who has been played? - look into the mirror.
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 19, @09:40AM
Sorry, I am unable to log in to reply to your censorious speech. Please try to reduce the activity on this site even further. See, the problem is, SoylentNews is already destroyed, you just haven't realized it, yet.
(Score: -1, Spam) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 20, @06:58PM
The Ides of April, contrary to popular belief, are not until 4/20, when the Musk rocket is set to explode. I prophesy that the end of SoylentNews will happen on the same date, with a massive attack of new members, all of whom will be "disabled", and more journalling by khallow.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 12, @07:39AM (3 children)
"The Antique Toaster that's Better than Yours"
https://youtu.be/1OfxlSG6q5Y [youtu.be]
p.s. yes there are some disadvantages to the 70+ year old design, but whatever...
(Score: 2) by Taxi Dudinous on Thursday April 13, @05:04PM (1 child)
I grew up with one of those toasters. Watching it work was like magic when I was really young. It also taught me to respect electricity!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 22, @10:44AM
So what's the story behind this?
(Score: 3, Interesting) by istartedi on Saturday April 15, @10:04PM
Wow! I did not think I'd want to watch the whole video, but I did.
FWIW though, I don't consume much toasted bread in the house.
When I do, I've got a toaster oven which is also very low tech. It uses a mechanical timer, but what really makes the thing amazing is the secret undocumented food dehydrator mode. The temperature control knob claims to bottom out at 150F. They probably don't want to advertise that the two dots below that actually seem to do a decent job of controlling temperature at some range *below* 150, which is where dehydrators operate.
There's no fan in it, which most dehydrators have; but I've found it to be suitable for dehydrating red Serrano peppers.
If you think about it, there's really no excuse to sell us separate food dehydrators when many convection ovens do have fans, and would be perfectly capable of controlling temperatures in the required range. No excuse of course, except to sell us a whole new appliance as opposed to simply including a few extra racks and advertising their dehydrate mode.
Appended to the end of comments you post. Max: 120 chars.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 13, @03:19PM
Here ya go:
RECOMMENDED! [americastestkitchen.com]
You'll need to click on "read more".
(Score: -1, Spam) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 13, @06:42PM (2 children)
Poll is closed, since it has been taken over by ACs. For a new toaster, you definitely want one that is AC-proof. The real danger of the IoT is unauthorized anoymous cowards posting comments on your toast, or 3-D printing, like, pics of Jesus and shit, on your toast. So SN needs a new poll, and DannyB, at nearly the same time, needs a new toaster. Coincidence? I think knot!
(Score: 2) by janrinok on Monday April 17, @10:35AM (1 child)
It simply timed out as all discussions do.
(Score: 2) by DannyB on Monday April 17, @02:01PM
Hear are some pole ideas:
Preferred off-earth retirement?
* Moon
* Mars
* Other solid body
* station orbiting earth
* station orbiting sun
* Other (please specify in comments)
On interstellar trip would you rather?
* generational ship, 1st gen
* generational ship, middle gen
* generational ship, arrival
* sleep the entire trip
* birthed and raised by robots
* Other (please specify in comments)
Most dreaded computer to reboot?
* Star Trek Enterprise
* Babylon 5
* Deep Space Nine
* HAL 9000
* The Great Machine, Forbidden Planet
* Windows 11
* Other (please specify in comments)
Favorite ad blocker?
* AdBlock Plus
* uBLock Origin
* Proper Blocker
* Stands Fair AdBlocker
* Ghostery
* AdGuard
* Other (please specify in comments)
Preferred method of voting?
* In person election day
* In person in advance
* In advance by mail
* Not at all
* Other (please specify in comments)
How often should I have my memory checked? I used to know but...