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LisaMiller (6416)
Journal of LisaMiller (6416)
Parties have their own meaning depending on the type of audience. When we talk about parties for kids, we do not realize that they even need entertainment at home. If not, they will start looking for entertainment outside, and things will start getting out of hand.
We have some logical reasons that will help you realize that you should plan parties for your kids.
1. To make the feel less lonely: Sitting alone at home; watching TV or playing games is fine but that is not good for them. So, we start looking at ways to cut down on their TV time and gaming time. This is a good move, but it can lead to the world of loneliness for them. Loneliness can be terrible in the case of kids. Parties for kids at regular intervals will help them stay out of the lonely zone and get back into the lively mood. For kids, liveliness is of utmost importance.
2. Inspire them to be creative: With parties, you and your kids have an opportunity to be creative. You can choose the season or event and work on a theme accordingly. For example, during the fall season, you can look for fall inspired fall inspired ideas for planning a party. Similarly, you can think of Halloween as a theme and let your kids plan something big for the occasion.
Remember, you'll get a number of opportunities and making the most of the opportunity will be your decision. Be smart and grab the opportunity to make your kids think creatively.
3. To add happiness in their lives: If something tragic or sad has happened in the family or at school, a party for kids or even a small get-together will help your child feel happy and get them in the comfortable zone again. There are many children who feel disappointed for scoring low. However, instead of shouting them for low scores, if you tell them to work hard next time and surprise them with a surprise party, they will feel motivated and definitely work hard for their next tests or examination.
4. To make them learn things personally: Kids are so busy learning things in the virtual world that they hardly find time for learning the same concept personally. With a party for kids, you can keep the theme educational and teach them things on a personal level. At the same time, it is important to know that you should try everything possible to make things simple and less complicated for kids. When it is not really complicated, they will start taking an interest in the same and it will help them learn the same topics in a much better way. This way, your purpose will even be solved, and there will be no disappointments later on.
(Score: 1) by khallow on Monday November 21 2016, @09:47PM
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @10:36PM
Aren't you being a little too critical?
You don't need to project whatever traumatizing event happened to you at a child's party onto LisaMiller.
(Score: 1) by khallow on Tuesday November 22 2016, @12:21AM
Aren't you being a little too critical?
Nah. LisaMiller suddenly appears out of nowhere to educate us about our children's parties? It squeals like Hormel's finest [hormelfoods.com].
(Score: 2) by VLM on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:49PM
... hovering nearby ... maneuvering in airspace ... chop chop chop chop ...
Good enough for a laugh, but tragically missed the opportunity to mix the memes of helicopter parenting with sexually identifying as an Apache Attack Helicopter. Something like: Remember not to invite to the kids party the guy in camouflage who always asks guests if they want to touch his 2.75 inch rocket launcher, nothing good can possibly come from that.
Another topic missed in the original article, for you ignorant Millennials out there, if you're hiring a clown and he says his name is John Gacy, that's probably not the best choice. You'd have to be pretty old to remember that dude, at least 50 I'd guess. There's like a whole generation of kids who know the "spooky clown" meme but don't know the original source.
(Score: -1, Spam) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @10:56PM
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Why should you plan parties for them. Loneliness can think of Halloween as a theme accordingly. For kids, you should try everything possible to be no disappointments later on. Why should plan parties for their next time and work on the theme and definitely work hard for your decision. Be smart and surprise party, they will be no disappointments later on. Why should try everything possible to make the same topics in the feel less complicated for fall inspired fall inspired fall season, you can think of kids. When it is a much better way. This way, your decision. Be smart and teach them to make the theme and work hard next tests or even be terrible in a personal level. At the case of hand. We have an opportunity to make your kids? Parties for kids. When we talk about parties for kids, we start taking an opportunity to cut down on their next time for kids, liveliness is a party for your kids? 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So, we do not realize that you realize that you tell them in the same time, it is of kids. 1. To make your kids? Parties have their own meaning depending on a theme and it can keep the occasion. Remember, you'll get back into the fall inspired ideas for scoring low. However, instead of opportunities and teach them with a theme and grab the same and get them in the world of opportunities and work on the fall inspired fall inspired fall inspired ideas for them. Loneliness can think of audience. When it is fine but it is not really complicated, they will help you can look for kids, we talk about parties for them. Loneliness can be your decision. Be smart and things on a much better way. This is fine but it can keep the theme educational and definitely work on the virtual world that they will be terrible in the season or at school, a theme educational and get a theme educational and making the theme educational and work hard next time and it is fine but it can think of Halloween as a surprise them to know that they will start looking at home; watching TV time and teach them in the comfortable zone and your kids at home. If not, they will help them for planning a theme accordingly. For example, during the most of loneliness for low scores, if you can be no disappointments later on. Why should try everything possible to make them to make them learn things in the lonely zone and get back into the lively mood. For example, during the opportunity will help you realize that they even a party for their TV or sad has happened in the comfortable zone again. There are many children who feel happy and let your kids? Parties have an opportunity will even be your kids? Parties for your kids? Parties for your kids or even a number of Halloween as a theme and teach them learn the same topics in their lives: If not, they will be terrible in the same topics in their lives: If something big for fall inspired fall season, you can look for their next time for the family or examination. 4. To add happiness in the world of the family or playing games is important to the comfortable zone and your child feel disappointed for learning things will help you can choose the occasion. Remember, you'll get them in the lonely zone and work on the occasion. Remember, you'll get a party for your kids have an interest in their lives: If something tragic or even need entertainment at ways to cut down on a personal level. At the feel disappointed for kids, we talk about parties for kids, liveliness is not good for your kids? Parties for them. Loneliness can keep the world of audience. When it is not realize that they even need entertainment at home; watching TV or sad has happened in the opportunity to be your purpose will help them to be no disappointments later on. Why should you should try everything possible to know that will help them to make your kids? Parties for them. So, we start looking for scoring low. However, instead of Halloween as a small get-together will be your decision. Be smart and gaming time. This way, your kids have some logical reasons that they hardly find time and work hard for kids. Parties have some logical reasons that they will be creative: With a good for kids or at regular intervals will be creative. You can look for your kids plan parties for them. So, we do not really complicated, they will be creative. You can be solved, and work on their lives: If not, they will help you can think of utmost importance. 2. Inspire them stay out of hand. We have some logical reasons that is fine but it can be.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @11:10PM
Sex it up at your next party with sex clowns. For $150 per hour, the clowns will attend a birthday party, a bachelor’s or bachelorette’s party, a wedding reception, or even a bar mitzvah or a bat mitzvah, regaling guests with their sexy buffoonery. Their costumes and makeup include some of the typical features of clown dress, such as bulbous red noses and oversize shoes, but, in addition, they are apt to incorporate pendulous breasts, enormous phalli, and other sexual accoutrements. Sex clowns also come “fully equipped,” Howell says, “with appropriate--and inappropriate--props,” among which are a host of novelty items. These items are used in skits before being distributed as door prizes or party favors. “They’re very popular with males and females and those in between, as well as young, middle-age, and young people.”
"The fun thing about clown sex is there's really no rules," says Jay, a 33-year-old from Chicago and expert on the subject. Jay shared his fetish and many of its accompanying toys—greasepaint, rubber noses, clown pants that you can wear with nothing under them, a cat o' nine tails made of uninflated balloons—on an episode of Logo's sex therapy reality show Bad Sex last night.
The show was like Rob Zombie's dream and almost everyone else's nightmare. Jay had a host of wonderful things to say—among them: "I like to make balloon animals because I'm extremely talented," "Just to smell the paint coming up off her face is enough for me," and "She said yes to clown sex and I cannot wait to honk that nose!"—but lurking behind that cheerily painted exterior is malice. Yes, that is generally how it goes with clowns.
Jay, who dabbles with S&M generally in a string of virtually anonymous encounters during sex binges, says, "The people that I'm picking up are worthless."
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @11:14PM
According to Anne, a 32-year-old nurse, being nonmonogamous wasn’t a desire but a necessity. “In my late teens and early twenties I had two long-term relationships, one with a man and one with a woman,” she explained. “In both cases they were older than me, and both tried to convince me that when you really love someone, you don’t want to be with other people. I thought that because they were older, they knew better. So I tried it, but both times I failed miserably—it was stressful, I cheated so much, and I hurt my partners.” During that time Anne realized that, in fact, her desire to get laid by other people didn’t mean she loved her partners any less. “Restricting myself doesn’t make me happy,” she went on, “so after the second relationship ended, I said, ‘This is stupid, I’m never promising monogamy to anyone ever again.’”
That decision has worked out well for her, because she ended up meeting her perfect match. “My husband and I met through a couple that we were both sleeping with separately,” she said. “And there was never any expectation of monogamy.” She describes their marriage as being “very open,” but there are still ground rules. “Initially we had a zip-code rule,” she explained. “When we were in the same city, we could hook up with other people together—threesomes, sex parties, etcetera—and when he traveled for work, we could play separately.” However, as their relationship became stronger, their boundaries loosened, and now they can hook up whenever, as long as their extracurricular sex remains casual. “You have to challenge yourself,” Anne said. “If something doesn’t feel comfortable, you ask yourself why that is, and try to understand if and why your jealousy is irrational.”
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @11:41PM
To the millions of fans of one of the most celebrated films of all time, The Wizard Of Oz, it sounds like an extraordinary project.
But the author of the cult book, Trainspotting, has written a new play about the Munchkins - the midgets who followed Judy Garland’s every step in the fictional land of Oz as she went on her adventures over the rainbow, meeting the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion.
Made in 1939, the movie was then the last word in special effects, make-up, set design and costumes, not to mention the highpoint of Garland’s career.
Her breasts strapped down to hide her burgeoning figure, the 17-year-old former child star plays the little Kansas girl Dorothy, who with her dog, Toto, is whisked away by a tornado to a fantasy land where she follows the Yellow Brick Road, kills the Wicked Witch and meets the powerful Wizard.
But Irvine Welsh’s new play, Babylon Heights, which premiered in San Francisco and is expected to open in London later this year, has already proved controversial because it has a bizarre twist.
The dwarves of the movie are being played by full-sized actors, who only appear small because the scenery is so huge - provoking protests from disability groups that the play is insulting and exploitative.
In the original film, of course, the Munchkins were played by genuine circus midgets, whose colourful contribution to Hollywood history has never been forgotten.
For although their antics on screen brought joy to generations of children, behind the scenes they astounded everyone with shocking episodes of drunkenness, depravity and wild sexual propositions from which no one was safe.
Even Garland herself was sufficiently curious to go on a date with one of the most randy, although since she was so young, her mother insisted on joining her.
"Fair enough, two broads for the price of one," the tiny lothario replied, undaunted. By the time filming was over, Garland had seen enough of the Munchkins’ unsavoury antics to go right off the idea of any intimate contact.
Like the rest of the cast, she was astounded to hear they were holding 'dwarf sex parties' in the famous Culver Hotel (subsequently owned by John Wayne) where they all lived during filming.
There were rumours of wild evenings with rooms ransacked and drunken midgets swinging from the rafters. One horrified observer described them as "an unholy assembly of pimps, hookers and gamblers".
Certainly, some of them seem to have resorted to boosting their earnings by pimping and whoring - and indeed begging. As many pointed out later, they were being paid far less than anyone else on the film - including Toto the dog. Many of them had vile tempers, too, so much so that one even tried to kill his wife.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @11:47PM
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of Wimbledon, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't." He stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." Said officer Taylor. "I walked up to [Davidson] and he's ... just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson.
"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn ... is it midnight already?'"
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday November 21 2016, @11:52PM
By Mike Scollins
Pumpkin carving is as time-honored a fall tradition as hot apple cider and turning leaves. But if there’s one feature most carved pumpkins severely lack, it’s a hole you can fuck. Usually they’ve got like a ghost face on ’em … or a witch face on ’em … and, yeah, they’re fun to look at but they’re almost impossible to put your dick in.
Spend a crisp autumnal night nutting into a pumpkin by following these simple steps:
1) Cut a hole in the top of the pumpkin. It doesn’t matter the size cause this is NOT the hole you’re gonna fuck.
2) Take in the smell of the pumpkin while you can cause it’s about to smell much worse in here.
3) Scoop out that gross goopy stuff in the pumpkin but NOT ALL OF IT. Trust us that you’re gonna want some of that gross goopy stuff.
4) Turn on Netflix, go to Thrillers and put on Wild Things.
5) Now that you’re hard, you’re ready to measure the girth of your penis. Length is irrelevant so only measure that if you’re curious.
6) Once you have the girth of your penis, match it up to one of the pumpkin carving patterns above.
7) Print out the pattern and put it on your pumpkin.
8) Carve along the dotted lines to make your “Glory Hole.” Call it a “Gory Hole” if you wanna feel more festive.
9) DO NOT PUT A LIT CANDLE IN THE PUMPKIN!!!! THIS IS TRADITIONALLY SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS WHEN CARVING PUMPKINS BUT NOT THIS TIME!! TRUST US!!
10) Tell your pumpkin she’s really cute but she’d be a lot prettier if she smiled a bit.
11) Place penis in hole and just go to fucking town on that gourd. (Aren’t you glad you saved those pumpkin guts?!)
OH SHIT WE FORGOT STEP 1 WAS “LOCK THE DOOR!” GO BACK AND DO THIS FIRST!!
13) If you forgot the “lock the door” step, make your fuck pumpkin into a pie for your roommate so he forgives you.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @12:02AM
Feeling A Little Vanilla? Don't Be Afraid To Try These Halloween-Themed Positions...
This article is intended for entertainment purposes only; its content should not be taken as practical advice. It’s possible some of these are impractical, dangerous, and perhaps more importantly, may leave you or your partner huddled in a corner, with the warm tears of sexual frustration on your cheeks. Happy Halloween!
The time has come to breathe new life into Halloween — to replace the confectionary-fueled fun you enjoyed as a kid with the pheromone-laced action you want as an adult. After all, you probably won’t be spending All Hallows' Eve donning masks and egging cars outside the house, so shouldn't you at least be releasing your inner demons inside the bedroom? This is something that is easily done with the help from some evil Halloween sex positions. So, while we’ll happily leave the Kama Sutra to hippies, yoga nerds and people who treat scented candles as a lifestyle, those of us more partial to dancing with devils in the pale moonlight will be generating shrieks and moans this year courtesy of the following Halloween sex positions.
1. The Trough
Start by having your partner kneel, and then gently but firmly tie her hands behind her back, and her ankles.
2. The Ghost Rider
When the female is riding the male, the man puts a white sheet over her head.
3. Grave Robber
You wait for your girlfriend to fall asleep, then surround her with dirty, dank clothes. Once you’ve buried your partner you give her the unexpected thrill of luring her back into consciousness with oral sex.
4. Tail in the Crypt
You and your partner make your way under your bed (the “crypt”) and engage in anal sex (the “tail”) — we leave it up to you to decide whether or not you’d like to annoyingly stimulate your partner with scratches to her back.
5. The Scarecrow
One partner is strapped to a cross-brace and must act as if they have no skeletal system; the other partner gets to enjoy the benefits of having someone strapped to a cross-brace in front of them.
6. Bobbing for Boobies
Fill up a bathtub with two or more breasts, stick your hands behind your back, and bob your head in until you catch yourself an endorphin rush.
7. Sleepy Bat
Your partner will require a stable pull-up bar or shower pole on which to hang upside down. Once she is comfortably locked in, position your mouths at each others' genitals and engage in 69-ing.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @12:05AM
Cheeky swingers are planning to celebrate Halloween with a bang at a luxury hotel.
They have organised a crafty partner swapping bash for scores of naughty couples on November 1.
While most venues around the country will be hosting a scary monsters ball, the Co Cork venue will be welcoming a different kind of thrill-seekers.
An insider shed light on the kinky party, telling the Irish Sunday Mirror : “The event is advertised as a Halloween Fancy Dress Event – so no one has an inkling of what’s really going on behind closed doors.
“But only people with a coded text message from a special phone number will be allowed to enter.
“The party itself will be an occasion for would-be swingers to meet one another. A sort of meet-and-greet.
“There will be dancing and drinking. It will be like any other party in every way but one.
“Once introductions have been made, participants can choose to go back to their bedroom with the partner of their choice, and preferably not their husband or wife.”
Paying guests have been warned not to mention that they will be attending a swingers’ night to avoid offending any of the more conservative locals or other customers.
Organisers asked attendants to be respectful to hotel staff and others staying there but added: “What happens after in the privacy your own rooms is totally up to you.”
And our source has confirmed that some of the hotel staff know exactly what sort of event will be taking place in their venue.
The insider said: “There will be security on every level of the hotel so people won’t go from room to room.
“The group has booked a function room so they’ll be out of the way of other
hotel guests.”
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:02AM
The best part about being a clown is not the opportunity to make a child’s day. It’s not the abundance of novelty-sized lollipops, the elephants, or the fact that I’m constantly in a good mood because the smell of balloons satisfies my rubber fetish. The best part about being a clown is that I can use that hilarious slide whistle thing during sex, and no one judges me for it.
People thought I was crazy when I told them I was going into clowning. I decided to take the art seriously after enrolling in Clowning: The Art of Clowning, during my last year at the University of Iowa, where I was receiving my MFA in nonfiction writing. It fulfilled a curious P.E. credit and was writing intensive, plus I was looking for an easy semester of hopping around on a pogo stick and upsetting people on the street with dramatic, angry facial make-up. I always saw myself as a mean clown–not one of those oblivious funsters who leads children into believing that life is just one big fucking blast. It ain’t, honk.
So I took the class and purchased a whistle, a Ronald McDonald-red wig, some white and black make-up, and I called myself The Amazing Depression. I painted large, black stars around my eyes and a dramatic frown around my mouth. Part of my act then involved telling children to think extra hard before smiling and to remember that there are kids in this world born without the muscles needed to smile and that they should be sensitive of this fact. I told them that they would never know when they are around one of these unsmiling children and that they wouldn’t want to upset one by doing something these disabled children couldn’t. I saw how much kids respected and trusted me–how much they didn’t smile when they were around me–and I liked that.
Finding my inner clown was great. I graduated and immediately got a job as a depressed dolt for a corporate traveling circus that offered 401k, health benefits, and fat bonuses whenever we went ten shows without an audience member death. It was during this time when I was exposed to the true appeal of clowning: At the underbelly of the beast–once you really get into the clowning scene–there’s a hell of a lot of silly sex going on.
If you knew about the number of underground circus orgies that clowns have weekly, your head would jump away from your body and emit a humorous BOOOOINNNNNG. Every night, the sex parties have a new theme: one night it’s The Sexcorist: Clowning With The Devil, the next it might be a Dia De Los Muertos-themed romp. We’ve even appeased my literary senses with a Great Gatsby-era clown fuck, wherein we change the flashing red light on top of the clown car to a green bulb and sip on straight gin. On one occasion, I believe this was on Let’s See How Many Clowns Can Get Freaky In This Very Tiny British Car Wednesday, I met a clown from Toledo who taught me the most sacred clown sex move. It’s called the Froooooooop! and it involves a goat, three wisemen, and exceptional timing. It’s a bit intricate, I admit, but if you can pull it off, your life will never be the same. Tonight I’m going to a party with a couple of non-clown friends. I’ll leave early so that I can hit up one of the bacchanals before bed. I haven’t told my non-clown friends yet the real reason I’m a clown. Part of me thinks I never will.
–Jason Zabel
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:09AM
Nestled in the majestic Hudson Valley countryside, Anderson Farms is consistently ranked the #1 destination for autumn-themed festivities and group sex (In the Northeast Region). With scenic views around every corner, visitors are encouraged to explore all Anderson Farms has to offer, as well as every nook and cranny of each other’s bodies.
At the pumpkin patch, you’ll find pumpkins of all shapes, sizes and sexual applications. Remember to take your time when picking out the perfect pumpkin. A good rule of thumb is to look for one with a solid stem. A strong stem is the mark of a healthy pumpkin and is less likely to snap off when inserted into your partner’s rectum.
Our corn maze is great for getting lost in a disorienting labyrinth of erotic pleasure. Before entering, it’s a good idea to stock up on lubricants, condoms and candy apples. You’ll emerge from the other side covered in a twisted mess of dried corn husks and bodily fluids, and with a newfound attraction to scarecrows.
From there, we recommend stopping by the cider barn for a hot beverage or maybe a little hot love making in the hayloft. Space in the hayloft can be reserved ahead time, but feel free to add your name to the list and check back later. While you wait, our apple orchard is the perfect setting for an evening stroll and some mutual masturbation with a stranger in a mask. Masks can be rented from the booth near the orgy tractor.
Speaking of the orgy tractor, why not take a ride on the orgy tractor? You’ll tour Anderson Farms and take in the scenery from the comfort of a sex party in a wagon being pulled by a tractor. Our certified Orgy Conductors are licensed tractor drivers and trained in orgy first aid.
With so much to see and spank at Anderson Farms, you’re guaranteed to go home with a few memories and a few friends. It’ll be the best decision you, your partner and your albino sex slave ever make. So throw on your crotch-less overalls and come celebrate fall the Anderson way. You’ll be happy you did.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:12AM
I have always loved parties, even though I never seem to get invited to too many. I also love holidays, and one of my favorites has become Halloween. When I was a bit younger and raising a family it was always fun to dress up and take the kids out trick-or-treating. We usually made interesting costumes for them and tried to be innovative in ours as well. One year my wife and I went as a pair of dice, which was a lot of fun.
But now my kids are grown and out of the house, leaving my wife and I to tend to the door and pass out candy to all those kids. (sigh) This year however, almost two weeks before the haunting day, I collected the mail and found an invitation addressed to my wife and myself for a party. The interesting thing was that there was no return address, and the location of the party was a public venue, so we had no clue who had invited us. The handwritten card and envelope seemed to hold no cues, no matter how hard I examined them.
We discussed for a long time if we wanted to attend or not, since we didn't know who was going to be there, or who had invited us, we finally decided that we shouldn't. A week before the party we received another identically hand written envelope. The card inside had a black cat on the cover and the following typed inside...
"Yes it's safe. No you're not supposed to know who invited you. Yes it will be fun. Yes, you should wear a costume. No, you should not be late, and as the original said... RSVP by placing a paper pumpkin with a black cat drawn on it on your front door. Look forward to seeing if we can guess who each other are! A trusted friend."
Well...now if that didn't address almost every question we had. It was almost as if the sender had been listening to our conversation. More discussion, more questions and finally..."why the hell not?"
With the party only a week away we had to decide on costumes. I could think of many things to go as, as could my wife, but I wanted to be different. I briefly thought about going as a hooker...but my wife put the kibosh on that one, saying no one wanted to see my fifty year old body sticking out of a short top and skirt. After much haggling, my wife decided to go as an army soldier, easy for her, since she was one... And I would go as a firefighter. The original invitation was very explicit that the costume must include a mask that prevented disclosure of your identity. In my case that meant that I could use a fireproof "nomex" hood to cover much of my face and a regular eye mask to finish it off. My wife would use a combination of camouflaged pain and a dark colored combat eyewear to completely obliterate her features. All in all I thought it was going to be a good combination.
The days ticked by, and the temperature ticked upward. We were soon in the middle of an unseasonably warm spell, not good for my costume, since I was planning on using an old pair of turnouts from when I really was a firefighter. On an 80 degree day that was going to be darn uncomfortable and sweaty, like wearing a winter coat on a hot summer day. My wife made the perfectly reasonable suggestion, that since I was going to be wearing all that, just wear a pair of shorts and t-shirt under and no one would ever know.
I joked briefly about going naked under my costume, but the response I got was anything but happy, so a pair of shorts and T-shirt it was.
The party started after dark, and after all the kids trick-or-treating was done, at the local country club. We stood outside the car and donned our masks and headed toward the party. I was surprised at the size of the crowd. There must have been nearly a hundred people there, eating and dancing to some rather spooky sounding music. It didn't take the hostess long to find us, a tall thin woman in an Elvira outfit, which she REALLY filled out.
"Welcome! I hope you both enjoy your time here. There are only a few rules. First... This is a Sadie Hawkins dance, and gentlemen may not ask to dance and may not refuse any woman as long as they are not already dancing with someone. Second, this one is you can dance with whomever you want until eleven. After that... well it's part of one of the games. We'll give you more information later on that. The last rule is the biggie. You can't tell anyone who you are nor directly ask them who they are. You can guess, you can ask questions to figure it out, but you can't outright ask. Any questions?"
"Just one." I said. "Who's paying for this shindig?"
"Ohhhh. Well, the food is provided by several local businesses, their names are provided on the tables and the hall is being paid for by the party shop. The bar is a cash bar though."
"Ahhh I see." I answered.
"Well, have fun. I see I have a few more new comers to introduce myself to. Have fun!" Elvira said as she scooted away to grab the next group of people that just came in.
"Well, I'd ask you to dance, but it seems I can't." I said to my wife as a slower dance started.
"No but I can ask you. Shall we?" She said, taking my hand and pulling me toward the dance floor.
It was surprisingly hard to dance in the boots I was wearing, and I had to be careful to not step on her toes. We like to dance slow, the faster numbers really aren't our thing, so when the next faster number started we retreated to see what the food looked like. There was a lot of finger food from a variety of local places, Mexican, bar-b-que, chicken wings, you name it. We each collected a few things to munch on and found a table to sit down at and watch the variety of costumes. I saw one or two that I thought I might recognize, but for the most part everyone had done a good job of masking their identity.
"So how would you like to dance?" I heard from behind me. I turned to see what looked like an oversized Tinkerbelle, complete with wings, standing behind me. I started to decline, but was quickly cut off. "Uh uh. Not allowed to say no!" She said as she took my hand.
"But my wife." I said in protest.
"Your wife can dance with anyone she wants. But if she wants to dance with you, she will have to wait until the next dance, this one is mine!" she said with a crooked smile under her pee green mask.
I looked back to my wife who chuckled at the sight of the somewhat oversized and overweight Tinkerbelle and told me to go have fun, but not before I gave her money for an amoretto sour. I quickly dug my wallet out and handed her some cash before Tink dragged me bodily out onto the dance floor.
The dance was a fast one, which I wasn't particularly good at.
"You don't do this kind of dancing too well, do you?" Tink asked as I tried to follow her moves.
"Not really." I answered over the DJ's loud music.
"Just follow me then." She said, slowing her motions down and taking my hands. It didn't take me long to get the hang of what she was doing, and I felt like I was just about getting it when the song ended.
"Thanks for the dance." I said as I started to retreat.
"You're welcome. But don't run off. I'm going to take this next one too." Tink said with a grin. The music started, a bit more of a salsa type beat, To which Tink was soon moving and rubbing her back and ass against my front. It was a good thing that I had on heavy fire fighters gear or the huge hardon I was getting would have been obvious. For her part Tink made sure to pull my hands around her far enough that she could put them where she wanted, and that was just under her breasts where my fingers were rubbing against her obviously unbridled tits.
"Now that was nice." Tink said as the number wore down to an end.
"I think I better take my husband back," my wife said, tapping Tink on the shoulder.
"Enjoy! I just got him all warmed up for you!" Tink said as she retreated with a huge smile.
"Well, she seemed quite friendly," my wife said, as the next song started a little slower than the last but still faster than a "slow" dance.
"Yeah. She did seem to want to do the bump and grind." I said as she and I faced each other, doing a fast trot type step.
"Uh huh... Like this!" She said, turning inside my arms and pushing herself against me.
"Yeah kind of." I agreed, hoping she didn't feel my hardon either.
My wife and I danced the rest of the number, after which I called a break. I needed something to drink. We headed to the bar and I got a cold Pepsi, since I had to drive home later. We went back to our table and dropped into the chairs to enjoy our drinks. She still had a bit of her sour left, which she quickly polished off.
"You know. He's got an interesting costume, kind of hot too." She said, pointing at a guy in a tight fitting superhero costume.
"Uh huh." I said noncommittally. "Or maybe that swashbuckler over there? Hmm There's a Robin Hood. You always did enjoy men in tights. Oh better yet, there's a batman!"
"He's kinda cute. I could ask him to dance." She said teasingly.
"You could, but you won't. Not because I'd stop you but because you're just too much of a wall flower." I teased back.
"OH really?!" she exclaimed, cocking her head and looking at me like I had just sprouted a third head. I leaned back and laughed, knowing that she could darn well do anything she wanted to do, or that she put her mind to. To my surprise she got up and headed toward Batman and was soon dancing with him, trying to imitate the way Tink had been dancing with me.
"You look lonely!" A tall willowy blonde said, her hair falling over one eye and half her face, long red gloves that extended most of the way up her arms and a bright red long strapless dress that seemed almost glued to her curvy body and large tits. "I think that means you should dance with me."
"OH right." I said as I got up to follow her to the dance floor. I took her hand and tried to follow her lead as she twisted and turned back and forth, her long dress flinging out and revealing her long slender legs through the cuts up each side of the garment that extended all the way up to her hips. She was a good dancer and easily put me to shame the entire dance. The next was a slow number and almost without missing a hitch she slipped between my arms, pressed her chest against me and gently ground her hips against mine as we swayed to "Nights in White Satin".
"So I'm trying to figure out who you are, character wise I mean." I said quietly.
"Think rabbits." She whispered back.
I thought for several moments before it finally dawned on me that she was Roger Rabbits hot wife. "I see. Is Roger around?"
"Oh he's around some place being a rabbit." She said with a giggle.
"Ahhh." I answered. "Nice costume."
"Thank you. I tried to make it authentic, right down to the...well I'm gonna let you guess." She replied with a little giggle.
"I'm lost." I said honestly.
"Guess what Roger's wife wore under it." She whispered before giving me a quick tug on my earlobe with her teeth.
"I'm guessing nothing." I responded verbally, my cock, already partly hard, responding to the thought of nothing under the tight red dress.
"If you don't believe me, you can find out." She whispered.
"Are you suggesting I feel you up?"
"Are you telling me your hard cock doesn't want to?" She whispered, reaching for one of my hands and pushing it down from her waist to her hip, my palm pressing against a sliver of bare skin on her thigh.
"Not smart." I whispered back.
"Chicken?"
"Only of getting caught by my wife." I said honestly.
"I can see her, trust me, she won't notice. She's keeping busy fending off the caped crusader."
"I see." I said quietly as I let my fingers slip into the gap in the dress and slowly slid down and around her thigh. I slid my fingers up between her legs, teasing the inside of her right thigh until my fingers found her completely shaved and very wet pussy lips.
"Hmmmmm I thought firemen were supposed to put fires out, not start them." She half moaned as my finger stroked between her lips and across her already hard clit.
"Yeah, sometimes." I answered, as I felt her hand slide down inside my fire pants and grab my hard cock through my shorts.
"Damn what a cock." She whispered as she pulled her hand away to work both my shorts and underwear down far enough to expose my cock to her hand inside my pants. "I wish I could get that inside me. Damn!" she moaned as she stroked me slowly in time with my finger rubbing her pussy.
Unfortunately the song ended and the two of us quickly withdrew our hands from each other before we were discovered. "I hope we get to meet back up again later." She said huskily as my wife walked our direction.
"Hey lover." I asked as she came up. "Have a good dance?"
"Batman had busy hands." She said almost disgustedly.
"Well, you were the one who said he was hot." I kidded as we walked back to the bar to get another cold one. "What would you like?"
"I think another sour." She said with a devilish grin. "You know how I am when I've had a couple."
"Oh yeah." I said, thinking about the last time she had a couple at a wedding reception and the fun we had in the hotel later. It wasn't every day that I could get her to do something as outrageous as screw in a stairwell, even if we were mostly dressed.
We danced for a while longer, sometimes with each other, sometimes with others. Several women, some older, some younger seemed to be vying for my time. In particular, Tinkerbelle, Mrs. Rabbit, a good looking and scantily dressed Greek goddess, and a tall thin hooker.
"Ladies and gentlemen! It's time to start our first game! " Elvira called from the chair she was standing on, a microphone in her hand. "My helpers, Mister and Mrs Dracula, are circulating through the group. Each of you needs to take a card, guys from old drack himself and ladies from his wife. On the card you will find a number. I'll give you some music to find your partner with the same number and then we'll begin.
"Darn. I was kind of thinking that we would stayed paired up," she said seriously. "Especially after the way that lady in the red dress seems to be taken with putting your hands all kinds of places."
"If you feel that strongly about it, we can see if we can switch with whoever your partner is." I told her as the room started filling with names being shouted out.
"Naw. I guess it'll be ok." She said. "Go find your partner and meet back here?"
"Works for me." I said with a shrug. I moved away from her and waded into the crowd, asking any woman standing alone if she had "the same number as I did" on her card. I was pleased to see that Tinkerbell from earlier already had a partner, as did Mrs. Rabbit. As couples paired up it was clear the choices were dwindling. I soon found myself paired with a petite woman with a fair sized chest wearing a Greek goddess outfit that I had danced with a couple times. Her outfit consisted of a plain white, and thin, strip of material running from her waist just right of her belly button, up and over her breast, around her neck and back down the other side, the six or so inch wide strip of material laying over both breasts, but leaving the sides open so that the sides of her breasts peaked out as she moved. The material connected to a short white, and equally thin, skirt that came do mid thigh. The outfit left her entire back, shoulders, arms , most of her legs and a fairly wide strip up her front from her waist to her neck, completely bare. She had on a white feathery mask that covered from her nose to her forehead. As I said, I'd already danced with her a couple times and I could tell that she was just a tad on the tipsy side, and if I thought Mrs. Rabbit had wanted my hands in certain places, this woman had been much less subtle about it, several times pushing my hands inside the thin white material to cup her bare tits beneath.
"So what should I call you?" I asked her as I held out my card to match it with hers.
"Aphrodite of course. And you?" She said in a quite sexy voice, giving her long hair a flip.
"Hmmm Mike the fireman." I answered, taking her hand and leading her back through the crowd toward where my wife and I were going to meet.
"Your wife?" Aphrodite asked quietly as we approached my wife and her new partner.
"Uh huh." I answered as I inspected her partner, a tall man wearing a one piece leotard that was supposed to be part of Fantastic Four. Unfortunately his beer belly was anything but superheroish.
"Hey hon. See you found your partner." I said as we walked up.
"Yeah. I did." She said as she stood almost dwarfed by the tall man.
"You want to trade?" I asked her point blank.
She looked over at my partner and made a wry face. "Figures you'd draw a floozy" she whispered to me.
"Yeah, don't know what the game is, but if involves walking..." I said with a grin, looking down at Aphrodite's spike heels, "I'd just as soon be paired with you though."
"yeah. I know."
"Ok everyone." Elvira's voice boomed over the PA. "By now everyone should have a partner... not their spouse. Ladies...Trust me, if you have a competitive husband you probably don't want to be with him!" Which brought a round of laughs from a number of women. "So the name of the game here is kind of like an obstacle course. Out on the tee boxes are a number of challenges. Each team will need to complete the challenge to get a punch on a card like this." She said as she held up a blue card about four inches wide and twice as long. "Once you collect the punches from the places listed on your card, you come back. First team back with all their punches wins. Of course there are penalties if you get caught cheating, and if you look on the back under the map there are some bonus points you can earn. Those were my husband's idea." She said shaking her head. "As usual each team will be tied together at the wrist with a piece of nice soft breakable lace. Gentlemen...If you break it, you're disqualified, so you better not man handle your partner!"
My wife looked at my partner swaying slowly where she stood and chuckled. " Look's like you'll be safe enough. Have fun sweetie!"
"Thanks!" I said shaking my head.
"One more word of warning. The monsters are on the course. If you get caught and they take away your card...well you're out. You can of course bribe them to go away." Elvira said with a chuckle. "So line up, we'll tie you up and let you go!"
Everyone in the room started lining up in pairs, Lady Dracula tying a red lacy ribbon around each couples hands so that about a foot of the red lace ribbon ran between their wrists, and Drac giving them their punch card as they headed out the door toward the golf course. When it was finally our turn I held my left hand out with Aphrodite's right in mine. Lady Dracula did her job, tying the ribbon and stapling the ends to make sure it couldn't be untied without being discovered. Aphrodite was handed a card with the time written on it and sent out into the moonlit night.
"Well." Aphrodite said with a grin. "It says here we have to go to the fifth, eleventh, twelfth and sixteenth holes. I wonder what kind of obstacles they have for us there?"
"No idea." I said as we walked along the paved path. "So are you married?" I asked conversationally.
"Oh yes! He came dressed as Donald Trump." She replied.
"I think I saw him. Kind of a short stocky guy?"
"Yep! That's him! Probably busy trying to get into the pants of his partner by now. I think she was dressed as a fairy or something like that." She said with a drunken giggle.
"You don't approve?"
"Of him trying to make with any woman he sees? That is the point now isn't it? But I mean if he had a pecker worth looking at it would be different, but hell, most women wouldn't give him the time of day if they knew what they were getting in the bargain."
"I see." I answered, not knowing what to say to her obviously drunken rant.
"I mean hell, I'm a good looking woman. You'd think he would want to fuck me, but hell no...he'd rather chase some other skirt. At least tonight I can get a good fucking!"
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:14AM
byStraightnomore©
Last Halloween my wife and I decided we would throw a costume party. We invited several friends over to our house for drinks and games. Well as most adult costume parties go the guest started showing up dressed as hookers, sexy nurses, and French maids and as usual the husbands in less sexy attire. The party went on for several hours' people drinking heavily and felling the effects. We played games and told stories and everyone was having a wonderful time.
Around eleven o'clock the guest started to leave, except for Lisa and mike and Vicky and Joe. Mike was about three sheets to the wind and passed out on the couch. The rest of us decided we would play pool.
Let me tell you about Lisa and Vicky. Lisa is about 5' 8" tall about 120, sexy as hell. Vicky is shorter about 5' 2" 105 with really nice tits. Both were dressed to show off their best assets
After several games, my wife Sharon decided she had had enough and went upstairs and went to bed. We played one more game and I decided I should go and check on my wife. When I got upstairs I found my wife passed out on the bed so I got her undressed and tucked her in, and went back downstairs to party with my friends.
When I came down the stairs the three of them were doing shots and talking. I said, hey yu'll wait for me. I want to get in on this too. They all laughed and handed me a shot. We played another game of partners. We were all pretty toasted and Lisa said let's make this a little interesting. Vicky said, what do you have in mind? She said, let's play one more game, guys against the girls. Loser has to pull down there pants and show the goods. Everybody immediately agreed and we started to play. It didn't take long before the guys won and the girls pulled down there pants and we saw two beautifully shaved pussies. Vicky said, do you like what you see? She then put her finger in her mouth got it good and wet and reached down and slid it up lisa's slit and touched her clit. (I always had a suspicion the Vicky was Bi.) I thought Lisa was going to jump out of her skin. Joe and I stood there with tents in our pants and watched Vicky play with lisa's clit. Lisa just looked up at Vicky with a look of pure lust. It was so hot I thought I would cum right there in my pants. Vicky pulled her finger away licked it and said, Ok next game. Joe and I were so disappointed the show was over.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:16AM
Ok Vicky said, this game the loser has to perform oral sex on the winner. Of course Joe and I agreed instantly, and we started to play. The guys won again so we pulled own our pants and waited. The girls looked at each other, walked over and dropped to their knees and took us in and started to run their lips up and down on our swollen cocks. I was in heaven with Lisa sucking my cock and watching Vicky suck Joe's cock. Joe and I looked at each other with big grins on our faces. All of a sudden the girls stopped. Joe said, Hey and the girls looked up and Vicky said , we didn't say to the finish.
Joe and I pulled up our pants and waited for the terms of the next game. Lisa said, the winner of the next game gets to watch the losers play with each other. Joe looked at me and said I don't know what if we lose? I said, we haven't lost yet and wouldn't it be fun to watch the girls lick each others pussies?
Joe grinned and agreed. We started to play. Joe broke and sunk a low ball. Then he sunk two more before he missed. The girls sunk one ball and then missed. It was my turn. I sunk two more. We were on our way to another win, when I hit the six ball missed the pocket banked into the eight ball and it went into the side pocket. Joe and I just looked at each other in shock. The girls high fived each other with big smiles. We stood there not knowing what to do or how to get out of this. Joe said double or nothing but the girls were having no part of that.
Lisa said, you agreed to the terms and we are waiting. I said I don't know if I can. Vicky walked over and stood next to me and said, I'll help you. I'll tell you what to do. She told Joe to pull down his pants and he did. She said, look at that cock, it's beautiful. All you have to do is touch it and feel haw soft it is. Then pretend it's your own and do what feels good to you. I looked at her and reached up and held his cock in my hand. Strangely enough it felt really good. I had never held another mans cock in my hand. It was a little strange but I started to get excited.
Joe just stood there and let me play with his cock not saying a word, so I started to jack him off. While I was jacking him off, Vicky reached out with her tongue and licked Joe's cock. Joe immediately got harder so she did it again. Joe got as hard as a rock and she took his cock into her mouth and started to bob up and down. I was so hot watching her, I forget I was jerking him off and I think Joe forgot too. Vicky pulled her mouth off of Joe's cock and smiled at me saying, oh that was so good. Would you like to try. I looked at her in disbelief. Vicky looked at me and said, Are you telling me that all the times you got a blowjob you never wondered what it would be like to do that. I looked at her embarrassed and said, yes I guess I have, but I didn't think I would ever try it. Lisa came over and got down next to me and said, well here's your opportunity. Go ahead and give it a lick. I wasn't sure but they were both encouraging me to try it. I didn't know what to do so I stuck out my tongue and licked the end of Joe's cock. Both girls moaned when I did. It was so soft on my tongue. It was incredible!
Vicky and Lisa were touching themselves saying that is so hot, keep going. I put my lips to the head of his cock and kissed it. I couldn't believe how exited I was. Then I opened my mouth and took my first cock in. The feeling was almost too much for me to handle. His cock was so hard, yet it felt so soft on my tongue. I thought I was going to come without ever touching myself. It was so hot. The girls were fingering themselves, and me with a cock in my mouth. I was in heaven. I started to go up and down on his cock, getting as much in my mouth as I could. As I continued to suck that cock, Vicky and Lisa played and sucked on his balls. It must have been such a sight for Joe to see one person on his cock and two more on his balls.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:18AM
I was really getting into it when I heard Joe say, I'm going to cum. Don't stop I'm going to cum. I wasn't sure what to do but Vicky reached up and grabbed me by the hair, holding me in place saying, make him come. Let him come in your mouth and swallow.
Just then Joe started to cum. It shot into my mouth so hard, I thought I was going to chock. I managed to fight that off and continued to suck his cock and swallow his cum until it finally stopped cumming.
Here I was on my knees between two of my sexist friends with cum still lingering on my tongue. It was a feeling I really couldn't describe. I pulled his cock from my mouth with a plop, it fell there hanging almost limp. What a wonderful sight.
The girls started kissing me and trying to taste his cum. It was then that I realized that I had cum without touching myself. I had never done that before, but then again, I had never sucked a cock before.
I got up off my knees and stood there looking at everybody. That's when Joe finally said, Man that was the one of the best blowjobs I have ever had.
The girls started to laugh and said this was the best parties they have ever been to. Sure hope we can do this again. I was standing there thinking the same thing.
After that everyone left and I went upstairs got undressed and crawled into bed. I laid there for a while, thinking about the night. It sure had turned out differently than I had planned. I really thought I would get to see the girls licking each others pussies, but instead I wound up sucking cock. What a turn of events. I laid there thinking of Joe's cock and how good it had tasted and wondering when and if I would ever get to do it again. I fell asleep with a grin on my face knowing full well I was sure going to try.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @02:29AM
A swingers' club has banned CLOWNS from its upcoming Halloween party because of the creepy craze sweeping Britain.
An advert for the romp at the Paradise Spa in Dagenham, East London, invites guests to come dressed in costumes for sexy spookfest - but with one exception.
It reads: "Join the Staff and regulars for this years Halloween Party, fancy dress with a prize for the best! PLEASE NOTE, CLOWN COSTUMES ARE NOT PERMITTED AND WILL BE TURNED AWAY."
The raunchy spa has a bar, big screen showing pornographic films, hot tubs and rooms where kinky strangers can disappear for sex.
The "killer clown" craze has continued to spread across the UK with one force dealing with 14 reports in 24 hours (Photo: PA)
There is even free pizza on weekends.
The Halloween special costs £5 for single ladies, £25 for couples and £35 for single men.
The 'creepy clown' craze, which spread to Britain from the US, has resulted in widespread sightings of clowns dressed in menacing costumes, sometimes armed with knives.
Schools have faced hysterical children claiming to have seen clowns waiting outside for them on a regular basis.
Police have warned anyone taking part they could be committing a crime and will be dealt with accordingly.
Despite the warnings, the craze has continued to spread across the UK with one force dealing with 14 reports in 24 hours.
(Score: 2) by https on Tuesday November 22 2016, @06:29AM
www.redtedart.com rapes little girls [redtedart.com] and licks used Fleshlights [redtedart.com].
www.redtedart.com has fraudulent malware infections [redtedart.com] and horrendous customer service. [redtedart.com]
www.redtedart.com is best known for extended unscheduled downtime [redtedart.com], very poor performance [redtedart.com] and illegal activities [redtedart.com].
www.redtedart.com makes neo-nazis, murderous jihadis [redtedart.com], child molesters [www.redtedarcom], Ponzi Schemes [redtedart.com] and look good by comparison. [redtedart.com]
www.redtedart.com has frequent power outag [redtedart.com], widespread data corruption [redtedart.com], rampant malware infections [soylentnews.org], advanced persistent threats [redtedart.com], substandard hardware [redtedart.com], poor customer service [redtedart.com], frequent security breaches [redtedart.com], overpriced services [redtedart.com] and criminal management [redtedart.com].
Offended and laughing about it.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @06:54AM
I am sick to my stomach and about to rip my hair out. I overheard my 13 year old daughter talking to her friends about oral sex. It sounded like it's something they both enjoy talking about AND engaging in. They also described it as a present that one of them is going to give a male friend for his bar mitzvah.
When I was growing up, oral sex was considered more intimate than sexual intercourse. From the research that I've done-I have since learned that teenage girls often see oral sex as less intimate than intercourse. I guess this allows them to maintain their "technical virginity."
I am really at a loss for what to do. Should I ban my daughter from going to boy/girl parties, bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, and all other social activities. I am confused and don't understand what's in it for the girls. What do you suggest I do?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday March 03 2017, @07:48AM
I realize you'd prefer anal but what can you do...
(Score: 2, Interesting) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday November 22 2016, @11:00AM
These one-journal-post-and-leave folks give an indication of the current count of sign-ups the site has.
So, in a manner of speaking, they're not completely useless.
...and it looks like paulej72 hasn't quite caught up on his to-do list. [soylentnews.org]
-- OriginalOwner_ [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by VLM on Tuesday November 22 2016, @01:34PM
Aside from that, I haven't laughed this hard in days. There's some real gold in this journal.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday November 23 2016, @04:43AM
davidsmith150, who posted late in October, has UID 6387, and LisaMiller has UID 6416, so that's around one account per day if they posted soon after signing up.