from the whispered-in-the-sound-of-silence dept.
I recently finished reading Breath, The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor and the information has been a revelation to me. I've always wondered how other people can be "in to" meditating and now, after learning the proper breathing techniques, it's become clear to me. Starting off each day with a brief meditation and breathing session works wonders for preparing my mental and physical state for the day. So I suppose it's no surprise research has found that spending just 15 minutes in reflective solitude really helps your mood and your mind:
Spending time alone can induce fear in a lot of people, which is understandable. At the same time, the difference between moments of solitude and loneliness is often misunderstood. As a psychologist, I study solitude – the time we spend alone, not interacting with other people. I started this research more than ten years ago and, up to that point, findings on young people's time alone had suggested they often experience low moods when alone.
On social media, television or in the music we listen to, we typically picture happiness as excitement, enthusiasm and energisation. From that perspective, solitude is often mistaken for loneliness. In psychology, researchers define loneliness as a distressed feeling that we experience when we don't have, or are unable to get, the kind of social connections or relationships we hope for. Solitude is different.
[...] What can we gain from solitude? In a series of experiments, I brought undergraduate students into a room to sit quietly with themselves. In some studies, I took away the students' backpacks and devices and asked them to sit with their thoughts; at other times, the students stayed in the room with books or their phones.
After just 15 minutes of solitude, I found that any strong emotions the participants might have been feeling, such as anxiety or excitement, dropped. I concluded that solitude has the capacity to bring down people's arousal levels, meaning it can be useful in situations where we feel frustrated, agitated or angry.
[...] To overcome our fear of solitude, we need to recognize its benefits and see it as a positive choice – not something that happens to us. While taking a solo trip might be a bit much for you right now, taking time out of your busy schedule for small doses of solitude might well be just what you need.
Journal References:
- Experiential correlates of time alone in adolescence - Reed Larson, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi -- https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1978.tb00191.x
- Loneliness: A Theoretical Review with Implications for Measurement - Carol Marangoni, William Ickes -- https://doi.org/10.1177/026540758900600107
- Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation - Thuy-vy T. Nguyen, Richard M. Ryan, and Edward L. Deci -- https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217733073
Related: The Most Important Skill Nobody Taught You
Related Stories
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” -- Blaise Pascal
According to Pascal, we fear the silence of existence, we dread boredom and instead choose aimless distraction, and we can’t help but run from the problems of our emotions into the false comforts of the mind.
The issue at the root, essentially, is that we never learn the art of solitude.
...
our aversion to solitude is really an aversion to boredom.At its core, it’s not necessarily that we are addicted to a TV set because there is something uniquely satisfying about it, just like we are not addicted to most stimulants because the benefits outweigh the downsides. Rather, what we are really addicted to is a state of not-being-bored.
Deep thoughts by Blaise Pascal. Was he right? Are we addicted to not-being-bored? Is boredom good for us?
Young people are using social media more, and their mental health is suffering:
Researchers at Iowa State University found a simple intervention could help. During a two-week experiment with 230 college students, half were asked to limit their social media usage to 30 minutes a day and received automated, daily reminders. They scored significantly lower for anxiety, depression, loneliness and fear of missing out at the end of the experiment compared to the control group.
They also scored higher for "positive affect," which the researchers describe as "the tendency to experience positive emotions described with words such as 'excited' and 'proud.'" Essentially, they had a brighter outlook on life.
"It surprised me to find that participants' well-being did not only improve in one dimension but in all of them. I was excited to learn that such a simple intervention of sending a daily reminder can motivate people to change their behavior and improve their social media habits." says Ella Faulhaber, a Ph.D. student in human-computer interaction and lead author of the paper.
[...] Many of the participants in the ISU study commented that the first few days of cutting back were challenging. But after the initial push, one student felt more productive and in tune with life. Others shared that they were getting better sleep or spending more time with people in person.
[...] "We live in an age of anxiety. Lots of indicators show that anxiety, depression, loneliness are all getting worse, and that can make us feel helpless. But there are things we can do to manage our mental health and well-being," says Gentile.
Paying more attention to how much time we spend on social media and setting measurable goals can help.
See also: Just 15 Minutes of Solitude can do Wonders for Your Mood and Your Mind
Journal Reference:
Faulhaber, M. E., Lee, J. E., & Gentile, D. A. (2023). The Effect of Self-Monitoring Limited Social Media Use on Psychological Well-Being. Technology, Mind, and Behavior, 4(2: Summer 2023). https://doi.org/10.1037/tmb0000111
(Score: 5, Insightful) by EJ on Saturday April 29 2023, @09:10PM
That's one of the big problems with social media, IMO. Too many people are so attached to their phones that they rarely get to feel totally alone and free.
Disconnecting and living in the moment is something too few people seem to take advantage of.
(Score: 5, Insightful) by Opportunist on Saturday April 29 2023, @09:11PM (4 children)
Quite frankly, 2020 and 2021 were the best years of my life. I've never been that relaxed and stress free.
Alas, nothing good lasts forever, not even a pandemic.
(Score: 5, Insightful) by stormreaver on Saturday April 29 2023, @09:35PM (3 children)
I totally agree. If a pandemic is the only way to convince the boneheads in Management to keep us working from home 100%, then bring on the killer diseases. The risk is totally worth it.
(Score: 4, Insightful) by JoeMerchant on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:22AM (2 children)
My house is still a semi-social place, with homeschool going on, etc. Now, the sailboat in the marina- that's solitude. Maybe two people an hour might walk by, and from inside the boat it's hard to even notice they are there, especially with the hatches closed, A/C on and music playing...
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 2) by Opportunist on Sunday April 30 2023, @05:24PM (1 child)
No family here. Ok, I'm an antisocial asshole, so I have a pretty good excuse, but my home is my castle. And 20/21 it literally was. Nobody came in. Except for the occasional postal service worker who dropped off a parcel at my front door. That way it occasionally got opened even.
A/C on, music playing, my fortress is impregnable. Dare to force me back to the office and I quit the same moment.
(Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Monday May 01 2023, @01:17AM
We went Instacart for groceries starting around March of 2020 that reduced our social exposure quite a bit, still doing it, it's not perfect, but the drawbacks are small compared to the forced socialization of grocery shopping in person.
I used to work at a grocery, stocking shelves. While there I noticed that the local rich didn't do their own shopping very often, they had people who did that for them. We can't afford "people" like that, but Instacart is within our means.
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 5, Interesting) by ElizabethGreene on Saturday April 29 2023, @10:13PM (12 children)
Driving alone doesn't seem to count, particularly in traffic. I require occasional nature and solitude to recharge, and driving just doesn't do it.
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 29 2023, @10:41PM (4 children)
It does, if you have the right car/truck. Driving your every day fugly A-to-B torso transportation aparatus does not.
M-mmm that soothing V8 rumble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEq7Udi4Ud0 [youtube.com]
(Score: 2, Interesting) by Runaway1956 on Sunday April 30 2023, @12:55AM (1 child)
Git real. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNfu597_yr8 [youtube.com]
The only thing better is a horse. I can spend hours just watching them run . . . especially the foals. They find their legs, and have to show off, and the mare keeps pace with them, step for step. Eventually the foal runs through the herd, and everyone follows, all running just as fast as the foal can go.
Horseback is the best transportation for solitude. Always has been, always will be.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 30 2023, @10:05AM
Right, bikes are fine too, if you enjoy that sort of stuff. I'm sure i could too, but i have limited time and resources, so i personally concentrate on cars.
(Score: 2) by Reziac on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:23AM
You may jest, but having for many years driven both car and truck in downtown Los Angeles traffic... I'll take the truck any day. Yeah, I needed more space to change lanes and such, but I could just drive, and not fret about being caught in traffic. It never seemed to be that way with the car.
And there is no Alkibiades to come back and save us from ourselves.
(Score: 2) by turgid on Monday May 01 2023, @09:49AM
Give me a Wankel Rotary Engine any day.
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent [wikipedia.org].
(Score: 4, Insightful) by JoeMerchant on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:20AM (6 children)
As you say, traffic spoils it - driving is a VERY social activity when there are other cars on YOUR road, you have to constantly predict what they will do next, get inside their head in ways more urgent and important than idle chit-chat. It's no wonder we're susceptible to road rage.
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 2) by Reziac on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:26AM (5 children)
I actually became more patient after years of Los Angeles traffic. There might be something wrong with me. :)
But I love driving, and I suppose it fell under any-excuse. Tho nothing beats a back road with just me and my truck and no one else on it.
And there is no Alkibiades to come back and save us from ourselves.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by JoeMerchant on Sunday April 30 2023, @01:10PM (4 children)
I used to feel the same way driving in Los Angeles traffic - it's kind of like surrender in the forced swim test, there's nothing you can do about it so just go with the flow. Also: so many possibilities of people doing stupid stuff, you also kind of have to assume they're not going to or you will die of stress before you get from Pomona to Santa Monica.
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 3, Interesting) by Reziac on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:28PM (2 children)
There's really no point being mad when you're stuck on the freeway, nope. And that's a right lovely drive you had. On the rare occasions when I had to go E-W I was lucky it was Foothill and not Riverside.
There was REALLY no point in being mad after the '94 quake, when what was already a bottleneck at 26 lanes (counting surface) was reduced to, count them, four. Yikes.
Occurs to me the traffic patterns are quite parallel to the nominal topic. A very large chunk of people clogging the freeways every rush hour are more afraid of getting lost in the tangle that is L.A. than they were of spending another hour enroute. Me, I noticed early on that L.A. looks complex but is mostly pretty easy -- pick any road going your direction and chances were you'd get there. So instead of whichever freeway from south-somewhere L.A. (at the time I was in Santa Clarita), I'd do Pico and Doheny, a long dogleg out of my way but hardly any traffic (and not many stoplights) even during afternoon rush, and miss all the mess except the north end of Hollywood. Only able to locate the files on your desktop because that's all you've been taught, vs fearlessly dumpster-diving in the filesystem.
We may have stumbled on a general life rule here. :)
And there is no Alkibiades to come back and save us from ourselves.
(Score: 2) by JoeMerchant on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:50PM (1 child)
I lived in Miami for 20 years, commuted in hell traffic for about 5 of those. Taking the unpopular routes at unpopular times is certainly the way to go. The more potential missed turns along the way the less overcrowded a route tends to be. As for the time dimension, people are taught "be punctual, 9 to 5" and while not everyone follows that a lot do, and they pay the price in commute congestion.
We are in North East Florida now, work from home so no commute worries, but for trips out of town, the back roads will be virtually empty while the interstates are packed, sometimes backed up. Depends on the destination, but many times the backroad routes are shorter, sometimes short enough that they take less time with their lower speed limits even when the interstate is flowing freely, but many people seem to be afraid of driving on empty roads through the forest. It's not like getting lost is a problem anymore, but it is true that cellphone coverage is spotty out there.
🌻🌻 [google.com]
(Score: 2) by Reziac on Sunday April 30 2023, @04:42PM
Yep. And you can get your solitude on those minor routes, :)
That's how I got started doing it... look over congested-freeway fence, see entirely-vacant four-lane street through industrial area, observe that they're parallel for a Long Way... Then I moved back to the Northern Wastes, and I'm back to considering three cars waiting at the light a serious traffic jam. IF there's a light. :P
And the punctuality thing, yeah -- if you've gotta be there at 9AM sharp, you can't experiment with alternate routes; you take the known route with the known delays and arrive when you expect. And by time 5PM rolls around, you just want to get home without having to re-engage your brain.
Fear of being alone in the woods and getting eaten by wolves is an evolved behavior from our ancestors who lived to reproduce. No blame for that. More woods for we who shoulder a club and say, "Try and take me."
And there is no Alkibiades to come back and save us from ourselves.
(Score: 2) by Reziac on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:34PM
And I was crossflating topics, but what the hell. Topics are like desktops, you never know where anything is. :)
And there is no Alkibiades to come back and save us from ourselves.
(Score: 5, Interesting) by Snotnose on Saturday April 29 2023, @11:55PM (3 children)
I used to get off work, come home, decompress, cook dinner, wifey would come home, we'd eat, she'd clean up the mess, we watched TV and went to bed. Life was good.
A couple times a month I'd get home and wifey was there. Now I loved wifey to death but she would start talking soon as I walked in the door. I'd just put my hand up, head into my office, and decompress. Then back to the above.
I loved wifey and miss her but, damn. I really needed those couple hours between when I got home and when she did.
When the dust settled America realized it was saved by a porn star.
(Score: 3, Informative) by Snotnose on Monday May 01 2023, @12:09AM
Dang, that should read minutes, not hours. I typically spent 15 minutes playing a game in the office to decompress.
When the dust settled America realized it was saved by a porn star.
(Score: 2) by turgid on Monday May 01 2023, @09:52AM
It's all about communication styles. People that like to talk like that are not usually looking for solutions to problems, they're just trying to connect by sharing information. Those of us who always see everything as a problem needing to be solved will naturally see this as a list of things to do, to fix or to solve straight away. It's difficult for us to remember if we're naturally like that.
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent [wikipedia.org].
(Score: 2) by ElizabethGreene on Monday May 01 2023, @05:53PM
It is extremely common for men to need time to context switch between work and home. I saw (though I can't immediately find) some interesting research about this and how it impacted the shift to work from home.
(Score: 2) by inertnet on Sunday April 30 2023, @01:21AM (7 children)
If 15 minutes are that good, imagine what 24 hours can do.
(Score: 2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:20AM (2 children)
I was imagining solitary confinement.
(Score: 2) by Reziac on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:28AM (1 child)
This doesn't sound like punishment to me, given I often spend weeks or months without speaking to another live human.
You lot on the other side of the electrons don't count.
And there is no Alkibiades to come back and save us from ourselves.
(Score: 3, Insightful) by coolgopher on Sunday April 30 2023, @11:30AM
Besides, pretty soon we won't even know if it's a human or a language model we're interacting with online.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 30 2023, @07:26AM (3 children)
(Score: 2) by mhajicek on Sunday April 30 2023, @08:53AM (2 children)
A vampire bricked into a wall?
The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 30 2023, @10:37AM (1 child)
I guess if the Earth doesn't get fully destroyed by the Sun you could still walk around on it in the dark.
(Score: 1, Redundant) by turgid on Monday May 01 2023, @09:56AM
Imagine being still around for months and years with some terribly painful, debilitating incurable disease for which the treatment could barely mask the pain, and being completely dependent on others to eat, drink, wash and use the toilet. Imagine not being able to do anything but exist until the bitter end.
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent [wikipedia.org].
(Score: 3, Insightful) by Thexalon on Sunday April 30 2023, @02:51PM
When the rest of my household is out and about, and I'm wrangling code rather than stuck in meetings or answering messages, that's my chance to sit and decompress from social stuff. And the best part is, that's what they're paying me to do, really, so it's not like I'm slacking.
Next-best was the one job where I was allowed to convert a closet into a private office. And while my door was open most of the time, I could generally ignore what was going on around me and just focus.
I was always harmed by the office culture of looking sociable and friendly when I just wanted to get stuff done. Now, I just get to get stuff done without a lot of that hassle.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a compiler is a good guy with a compiler.
(Score: 2) by maxwell demon on Monday May 01 2023, @12:53PM
Understandable? Not to me. What's to fear? I mean, I trust myself enough to not do something bad to me, and there's, by definition, no one else who could harm me. Sure, I could have an accident, and no one would be around to tell anyone. But then, unless you've already got a medical condition, you're more likely to die crossing a street than sitting at home alone.
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.