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Finally, the invention I wanted all my life has come to pass:
"A British company has released the first pictures of a 'smart condom' which collects very intimate data about the sex life of anyone brave enough to wear it.
The device is called the i.Con and can detect STIs as well as sending data about a sex session straight to the wearer's smartphone.
British Condoms said its 'revolutionary wearable tech for the bedroom' measures the number of calories burned during intercourse, the speed of a man's thrusts, how long he lasts and even what positions are used.
The condom firm said its invention would help men see how they 'stack up to other people from around the world'."
[...] The smart condom is a small band which fits around the bottom of a man's willy, which means wearers will still need to strap on a normal condom to get full protection.
It is waterproof and features a band that's 'extraordinarily flexible to ensure maximum comfort for all sizes'.
Bizarrely, it even lights up to provide illumination for both partners' nether regions.
Now, we can all compete in the Direct International Comparison Kinetics. Hooray. ;)
(Score: 5, Funny) by DannyB on Friday December 01 2017, @06:26PM (1 child)
Q. I am concerned that this might be less secure than other internet connected devices?
A. Don't worry! This device meets the same high standards as other IoT devices!
Q. I am concerned that my personal information might become public?
A. Don't worry! You won't find your personal data exposed in a public share on the internet. We promise! You won't find it!
Q. I am concerned about how tightly this might be attached to the base of the appendage and how uncomfortable it might be?
A. Don't worry! You won't feel a thing once the appendage falls off!
Don't put a mindless tool of corporations in the white house; vote ChatGPT for 2024!
(Score: 2) by davester666 on Saturday December 02 2017, @10:19AM
Don't worry, the summary is wrong.
The condom will send the data straight THROUGH your smartphone to the makers servers. They have to do this in order to make money from your sexual habits.