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What object should I bludgeon my boss/coworker with?
| 7% | 20 votes |
| 0% | 1 votes |
| 3% | 10 votes |
| 7% | 20 votes |
| 27% | 73 votes |
| 10% | 28 votes |
| 33% | 90 votes |
| 10% | 28 votes |
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- Don't complain about lack of options. You've got to pick a few when you do multiple choice. Those are the breaks.
- Feel free to suggest poll ideas if you're feeling creative. I'd strongly suggest reading the past polls first.
- This whole thing is wildly inaccurate. Rounding errors, ballot stuffers, dynamic IPs, firewalls. If you're using these numbers to do anything important, you're insane.
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What object should I bludgeon my boss/coworker with?
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The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One and a half.
(Score: 4, Funny) by mhajicek on Thursday June 05 2014, @01:47PM
I threatened one of my coworkers today (jokingly of course) with a carrot I got from the farmer's market. It's about 16" long and must weigh two pounds.
The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 05 2014, @01:51PM
Be careful, you could be charged with sexual harassment!
(Score: 2) by mhajicek on Thursday June 05 2014, @01:58PM
I work in a machine shop; the culture is a little different.
The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
(Score: 1) by redneckmother on Thursday June 05 2014, @03:10PM
Dunno - are you in San Francisco?
Mas cerveza por favor.
(Score: 4, Funny) by mhajicek on Thursday June 05 2014, @05:24PM
No, but you should hear the discussions on male and female pipe nipples.
The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
(Score: 1) by Ethanol-fueled on Thursday June 05 2014, @06:08PM
Where I work, one of the departments uses a kind of molded rubbery plastic. Well, one day, 4 foul-mouthed male employees and their two even more foul-mouthed female coworkers decided to mold a cock 'n' balls out of the stuff.
Their boss, a part-time pastor, found out and in an instant all six were terminated. Risk of lawsuits and all that.
But to answer the quiz question, I'd like to beat my boss over the head with a large, fist-shaped black dildo procured from a West Hollywood smut-store.
(Score: 1) by redneckmother on Thursday June 05 2014, @07:26PM
re: male and female pipe nipples
I guess y'all screw around a lot. Is this the end of this thread?
Mas cerveza por favor.
(Score: 2) by mhajicek on Thursday June 05 2014, @08:39PM
That depends. What's your pitch?
The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
(Score: 2) by DECbot on Thursday June 05 2014, @09:46PM
Well, that depends on what we're screwing.
cats~$ sudo chown -R us /home/base
(Score: 1) by redneckmother on Friday June 06 2014, @02:55AM
I'm only talking about a standard union - and am only into not perforating things (NPT).
Okay, I have to 'fess up - I'm just stringing you along. If you want more, I'm a frayed knot.
I bow to your obvious me(n)tal superiority (and punnage).
Thanks for your posts, and may they all be properly threaded!
Mas cerveza por favor.
(Score: 2) by zocalo on Friday June 06 2014, @08:50AM
UNIX? They're not even circumcised! Savages!
(Score: 1) by bart9h on Monday June 09 2014, @02:19PM
or maybe a Giant Spoon of Doom
(Score: 2) by Blackmoore on Thursday June 05 2014, @03:21PM
First bludgeon them with the stapler. THEN set the building on fire.
(Score: -1, Troll) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 05 2014, @03:23PM
Red stapler? Really? You uncultured, unthinking sheep. This is also how we ended up with a dumb name like "Soylent News". Brainless pop culture references masquerading as wit.
(Score: 2) by mrcoolbp on Thursday June 05 2014, @03:28PM
Chill out bro.
(Score:1^½, Radical)
(Score: 1) by RobC207 on Thursday June 05 2014, @03:51PM
I don't know. I don't think it's a matter of being uncultured. I chose the red stapler because I am already familiar with this weapon. Fits in the hand way more nicely than an LTO.
If the bludgeoning doesn't work out, I can fall back on an array of tiny puncture wounds to the facial area!
(Score: 2) by Blackmoore on Thursday June 05 2014, @04:00PM
AC;
I'm sorry; That Stapler that murdered your father, well it turns out it was also responsible for raping your dog, and destroying your 6th grade Science project.
The trouble is; it has diplomatic immunity; and you don't.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 05 2014, @04:20PM
Brutally honest yet oh too true.
SoylentNews: the GIMP of the news sites. One wonders when the vote tallies will be published. I'm more than a little curious to see a full breakdown of the first and second votes.
Too late I thought of what I think is a clever name: dashr. It is a hip style of name (at least it would have been, last year, among the hackernews set); it kind of sounds like a word (dasher, sounds fast! also pun-tasitc at xmas), and best of all it references a unix command (or rather, a flag : -r, for recursive, which is what sites like this are like, repeating news from other sites, and a potentially dangerous time-sink).
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 05 2014, @04:39PM
Oops, just found that the results have been published:
http://soylentnews.org/comments.pl?sid=1177&cid=50339 [soylentnews.org]
(Score: 2) by lhsi on Friday June 06 2014, @09:37AM
I'm sure lots of clever names will be thought of after the voting. Someone mentioned "spacebar" in a comment once which I liked (it is both a keyboard key and could also be visualised as a bar (place to hang out) in space).
Maybe that is why they're trying to get an umbrella organisation formed to have multiple soylent style sites - those new ones can have different names.
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday June 11 2014, @08:28AM
For some reason, there was no intersection between the people who submitted names and the people with good ideas. It didn't help that the suggestions had to match registered domains.
(Score: 2) by aristarchus on Thursday June 05 2014, @08:32PM
Guilty as charged. But why the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? Surely we are but human, if you prick us, do we not bleed? There is nothing new under the sun. Those who know the dao do not speak, and those who speak do not know. See?
(Score: 2) by DECbot on Thursday June 05 2014, @09:51PM
While my black Swingline stapler isn't exactly red, it is what I will use to bludgeon my boss, you insensitive clod.
cats~$ sudo chown -R us /home/base
(Score: 2) by Foobar Bazbot on Friday June 06 2014, @03:27AM
I suppose it will be red when you're done...
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 10 2014, @04:32AM
Thanks for the heads up
(Score: 2) by weeds on Thursday June 05 2014, @04:08PM
Nothing, nothing would be more satisfying. (If I could hold his jersey with one hand and pummel with the other, all the better!)
Get money out of politics! [mayday.us]
(Score: 3, Insightful) by etherscythe on Thursday June 05 2014, @05:20PM
The binder full of documented evidence of their incompetence. I have about a two-foot high stack of paperwork with particular people featuring quite heavily. Paper gets heavy in bulk...
"Fake News: anything reported outside of my own personally chosen echo chamber"
(Score: 1) by migz on Thursday June 05 2014, @06:27PM
Don't sue me bro!
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 05 2014, @06:45PM
It's multifunctional, first as a bludgeoning weapon and then as a slashing and stabbing weapon. Who doesn't love the satisfying sound of glass shattering?
(Score: 4, Insightful) by bucc5062 on Thursday June 05 2014, @07:12PM
Seriously, I would never tell how I'd do in either boss or co-worker, just in case. I make a public statement, something happens like "Executive of POS Corporation is bludgeoned to death with a [strange weapon] in the [unusual room]" and pretty soon I got guys wearing sunglasses at night knocking on my door.
I think the best revenge is to walk out knowing they never really beat you down or took your soul. Alas for me that is too late and I can only hope to someday escape with what little remains of my mind.
The more things change, the more they look the same
(Score: 2) by Subsentient on Friday June 06 2014, @07:50PM
Lets go steal your mind back. I'll bring the sandwich baggy to store it in.
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -Jiddu Krishnamurti
(Score: 2) by LoRdTAW on Tuesday June 10 2014, @03:14PM
"I make a public statement, something happens like "Executive of POS Corporation is bludgeoned to death with a [strange weapon] in the [unusual room]" and pretty soon I got guys wearing sunglasses at night knocking on my door."
Corey Hart fans?
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Thursday June 05 2014, @10:31PM
I've had co-workers so aggravating that I'd like to line up against a wall and then crash a bus into it. But then there are some that the bus just isn't forceful enough. I think running a A380 against the wall might be better. But if I did that the Fed's would be after me. Just a minute. Someone is pounding on the door.
(Score: 2) by mendax on Thursday June 05 2014, @10:34PM
There is that murder in Gattica where the character played by Gore Vidal is discovered to have bludgeoned his boss to death with a keyboard. He is found out because of a DNA scan of the spit he deposited into this dead boss's face. I think a keyboard is an appropriate weapon for an office murder.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
(Score: 2) by mhajicek on Friday June 06 2014, @01:12PM
One more reason to have one of those old, heavy, metal framed keyboards.
The spacelike surfaces of time foliations can have a cusp at the surface of discontinuity. - P. Hajicek
(Score: 1) by Kromagv0 on Monday June 09 2014, @06:25PM
Are you suggesting that the IBM Model M keyboards now should be registered?
T-Shirts and bumper stickers [zazzle.com] to offend someone
(Score: 2) by mendax on Monday June 09 2014, @11:37PM
Well, maybe. Of course, given the power that a skill in computers gives a person--witness all the malware that is floating around--it's amazing that people don't need a license to program.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
(Score: 2) by tangomargarine on Tuesday June 10 2014, @03:36PM
*Gattaca
The point of the name was, I believe, that all the letters stand for DNA proteins. Guanine, adenine, thymine, cytosine. There's no "I."
"Is that really true?" "I just spent the last hour telling you to think for yourself! Didn't you hear anything I said?"
(Score: 2) by tangomargarine on Tuesday June 10 2014, @03:39PM
They actually find him because he left an eyelash at the crime scene. Which was why he was doing the morning scrub to try to get rid of as many loose cells as possible since he was posing as someone else.
"Is that really true?" "I just spent the last hour telling you to think for yourself! Didn't you hear anything I said?"
(Score: 2) by tangomargarine on Tuesday June 10 2014, @03:41PM
Oh, and finally, Gore Vidal was the administrator who got killed, not the protagonist, Ethan Hawke. I don't think they ever told us who actually murdered the guy.
"Is that really true?" "I just spent the last hour telling you to think for yourself! Didn't you hear anything I said?"
(Score: 2) by tangomargarine on Tuesday June 10 2014, @03:46PM
Hmm...actually, maybe you're right about Vidal. The Wiki article is a bit unclear and it's been several years since I saw the movie.
Last double-post, I swear! :P
"Is that really true?" "I just spent the last hour telling you to think for yourself! Didn't you hear anything I said?"
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 06 2014, @02:36AM
My coworkers are fine!
(Score: 1) by redneckmother on Friday June 06 2014, @03:21AM
My coworkers are fine!
So: fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional?
Mas cerveza por favor.
(Score: 2) by c0lo on Friday June 06 2014, @05:46AM
Yeap. All the others went gone last round of "raising the team morale", when the management decided the quickest way improve this metric is to fire all the demoralized ones: now we are happily among our fucked-up selves.
https://www.youtube.com/@ProfSteveKeen https://soylentnews.org/~MichaelDavidCrawford
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 06 2014, @02:24PM
I just work in a small company and like the people I work with. Is that so rare?
(Score: 1) by Hawkwind on Friday June 06 2014, @03:35AM
Bamboocha!
I'm not doing anything
Cool!
But I'm too far from Europe to hang out ...
For those in the US, a taste: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIS4-hLl-mY [youtube.com].
(Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 06 2014, @12:35PM
(I work for myself)
(Score: 2) by egcagrac0 on Friday June 06 2014, @12:49PM
It can probably be officially sanctioned as an obnoxious team-building event that way.
Once it's an officially sanctioned event, they'll probably cater a lunch. Win-win.
Since there will continue to be latent anxiety, you can schedule these on a monthly basis, to show your ongoing commitment to improving workplace morale and esprit de corps. And getting free lunch.
(Score: 2) by Thexalon on Friday June 06 2014, @03:58PM
A 2x4 works fine, but a real professional needs something a little more effective. Unfortunately, this is a very personal thing, and no consensus has yet been reached on the group. Everything from a simple, 7.65mm Walther (for the Bond fans only, it's not a very good gun) to a 155mm with depleted Uranium rounds has been suggested, some even going for exotic things like Thermite, nukes or flamethrowers. For further info, look at the rec.guns home page.
You can find a lot of cool stuff at Military Surplus stores. (Sadly, they don't sell the really interesting surplus stuff) Try US Cavalry, 1-800-777-7732.
When you can't use the LART (eg, you don't want to damage a computer), water pistols and Nerfs are excellent substitutes. Nerfs, for those of you outside the US, are a range of foam weapons. Don't leave ~ without it. The leatherman is another useful tool. The Perl of swiss army knifes, this shouldn't be too hard to find. Finally, there are some tools a sysadmin is forbidden from having. Adequate computing power is first on this list, but the most important is called a "life".
"Think of how stupid the average person is. Then realize half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
(Score: 2) by BsAtHome on Sunday June 08 2014, @03:45PM
The perfect LART is the one at hand that does the job. The application of a LART prerequisites an administrator with good experience in finding the proper tool and is always prepared for correct application. More needs not to be said.
(Score: 2) by GlennC on Friday June 06 2014, @06:26PM
And if I couldn't find anything handy enough, I'd just use my fist.
Sometimes, size is an advantage.
Sorry folks...the world is bigger and more varied than you want it to be. Deal with it.
(Score: 1) by stephenw32768 on Saturday June 07 2014, @01:34PM
One of my colleagues actually does this. I've not been on the receiving end... yet...
-Stephen
(Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Monday June 09 2014, @04:57AM
Stinging nettle.
(Score: 2) by mcgrew on Monday June 09 2014, @02:26PM
I'm retired, you insensitive clod!
No one born who could always afford anything he wanted can have a clue what "affordability" means.
(Score: 1) by Kromagv0 on Monday June 09 2014, @06:21PM
Personally I would use a Model 2500 [wikipedia.org] desk phone.
T-Shirts and bumper stickers [zazzle.com] to offend someone