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SoylentNews is people

posted by NCommander on Tuesday April 01 2014, @02:50AM   Printer-friendly
from the I-for-one-welcome-our-new-muffiny-overlords dept.
Effectively immediately, the corn muffin in the staff refrigerator has succeeded in getting NCommander to sell out for the mindbogging huge sum of one million Vietnamese Dong. Deciding that allowing the community to decide on issues is stupid, our new muffiny overlord has renamed the site "SoylentMuffins". The muffin has been quoted that it plans to change the world, and while a manifesto is yet to be written, it unveiled its new slogan of "SoylentMuffins are made from people!", and that it hopes the community follows, in its own words, "ridding the planet of the human race".

I for one am excited to follow such a visionary pastry in its attempt at world domination!

The Bacon Eaters of ## were unavailable to comment at this time on this shocking turn of events , but we'll update this story once we've heard from them.
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  • (Score: 2, Funny) by Blackmoore on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:03AM

    by Blackmoore (57) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:03AM (#23858) Journal

    *slow clap*

  • (Score: 3, Insightful) by mattie_p on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:06AM

    by mattie_p (13) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:06AM (#23860) Journal

    bacon++

  • (Score: 1, Insightful) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:08AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:08AM (#23861)

    Lame

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:47AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:47AM (#23881)

      I concur.

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:35AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:35AM (#23926)

      Yeah, I honestly would have expected better from a nerd news site... I mean, they didn't even try. Could have at least tried.

    • (Score: 4, Funny) by Open4D on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:48AM

      by Open4D (371) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:48AM (#23977) Journal

      Open4D writes:

       
      The Wall Street Journal [wsj.com] reports that Dice Corp has completed its purchase of Soylent News.

      In joyous scenes, the Soylent News community welcomed the buyout, along with the news that the co-owners, known on site as "Barbarous" and "NDictator" were still
      good friends:

      A couple of weeks into the project, we realized it needed an existential threat to give it some impetus. So we engineered a falling out between us. Geek community project forks normally have so little drama that we were surprised people fell for this, but it worked a treat!

      We've got lots of great ideas we're going to implement now the purchase is complete. It's clear that the world needs a new framework language for Web 3.0 and the Cloud and shit. We're going to be working on this language, and in parallel using it to develop Soylent News Beta, which is scheduled for go-live in early May. Work on both starts in a week or so.

      When asked how they'll maintain community loyalty in the face these changes, they answered:

      Well one idea, inspired by the work of the world's financial institutions over the last few years, is that we could print karma. We're thinking karma+=1000 for each page load. We'd obviously need to increase the thresholds accordingly - so that people were actually worse off overall - but we know the users would appreciate the gesture.

      The truth is, a week ago we were a little uncertain about whether to proceed with the sale, but on seeing how well the Occulus Rift community took the news of the Facebook buy-out, we knew we wanted that for our audience.

    • (Score: 1) by Horse With Stripes on Tuesday April 01 2014, @10:59AM

      by Horse With Stripes (577) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @10:59AM (#24019)
      Lame indeed. The least they could have done was get the SoylentMuffins .com & .org domains, even if just to release them before the grace period ends. A little DNS magic and a few symbolic links (or even a vhost change), and they could have had SN redirecting to SM while still running the SN code in place. I grade it: meh-
    • (Score: 1) by khchung on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:41PM

      by khchung (457) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:41PM (#24082)

      Please just STOP these April Fools stories, lame or not.

      With the other site's US focus, one can hardly complain. But if Soylent would rather not have the same US-centric focus, then maybe Soylent should understand that not every country make a big deal out of April Fools' day.

      It is downright annoying to have the news site you frequent to become totally worthless for a whole day every year due to it being totally filled with fake news that pretend to be funny.

      Instead of trying to see which ones are fake and which ones are real, I just skip the site for one day every year. If Soylent follows this tradition, then I just also skip Soylent for the same day.

  • (Score: 4, Interesting) by NCommander on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:08AM

    by NCommander (2) Subscriber Badge <michael@casadevall.pro> on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:08AM (#23862) Homepage Journal

    It turns out the graphics guy wasn't affected by the mind co^W^Wvision of the new muffin stating something to the effect that "ain't going to follow no stinking muffin.". The muffin responded that the graphics guy is a "gluten intolerant sack of meat", and has offered a spot in his cabinet to anyone wanting to donate a new logo.

    --
    Still always moving
  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:12AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:12AM (#23864)
  • (Score: 2) by captain normal on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:25AM

    by captain normal (2205) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:25AM (#23868)

    I for one welcome our new muffin overlord.

    --
    “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas Edison
  • (Score: 3) by Tork on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:28AM

    by Tork (3914) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:28AM (#23872)
    So are we going to start this one off by bitching about how a site that stays open through every holiday except April Fool's day is somehow ripping off the readership, or are we going to kick it off having a little fun in a way that the Slashdolts are incapable of?
    --
    Slashdolt Logic: "24 year old jokes about sharks and lasers are +5, Funny." 💩
  • (Score: 1) by Hartree on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:39AM

    by Hartree (195) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:39AM (#23878)

    Always the best Plan B. Muffins!

    Fa'Lina, and SAIA approved. A pink poodle with wings can't be wrong.

    (We'll see if anyone follows the comic www.missmab.com :)

  • (Score: 4, Funny) by Buck Feta on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:48AM

    by Buck Feta (958) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:48AM (#23882) Journal

    (not that there's anything wrong with that)

    --
    - fractious political commentary goes here -
    • (Score: 3, Funny) by naubol on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:50AM

      by naubol (1918) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:50AM (#23883)

      Hmm, I love the dong, too. But, seriously, Soylent Dong? *shiver*

      • (Score: 1) by Konomi on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:57AM

        by Konomi (189) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:57AM (#23888)

        One million dongs at that, I will say no more.

    • (Score: 2) by NCommander on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:57AM

      by NCommander (2) Subscriber Badge <michael@casadevall.pro> on Tuesday April 01 2014, @03:57AM (#23887) Homepage Journal

      I should have asked for Mexican Pesos ...

      --
      Still always moving
    • (Score: 2, Funny) by mrclisdue on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:28AM

      by mrclisdue (680) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:28AM (#23924)

      (not that there's anything wrong with that)

      No, there's muffin wrong with that.

  • (Score: 2, Funny) by EvilSS on Tuesday April 01 2014, @04:20AM

    by EvilSS (1456) Subscriber Badge on Tuesday April 01 2014, @04:20AM (#23893)

    ...think to beta test this first?
     
      *ducks*

    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 02 2014, @03:18AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 02 2014, @03:18AM (#24589)

      betas are for sissies and /.

  • (Score: 1, Troll) by zim on Tuesday April 01 2014, @04:52AM

    by zim (1251) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @04:52AM (#23907)
    The one day of the year the internet is totally damm useless.

    And i take the day off, turn off all electronics, and sleep for about 20 hours.

    Wake up tomorrow and see which stupid things fooled the most people.

    Wouldn't be so bad if most of them were actually funny... but no. the bar is set too damm low.

    'dur, i did something stupid! april fool! ha!'
    • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @05:39AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @05:39AM (#23917)

      You must be the life of the party!

    • (Score: 2) by rts008 on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:17AM

      by rts008 (3001) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:17AM (#23961)

      And i take the day off, turn off all electronics, and sleep for about 20 hours.

      Wake up tomorrow...

      You should have stuck with your plan, troll.
      Back under the bridge with you, or I will throw muffins at you!

    • (Score: 1) by Drew617 on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:03PM

      by Drew617 (1876) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:03PM (#24051)

      OMG! Muffins!

  • (Score: 2) by aristarchus on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:01AM

    by aristarchus (2645) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:01AM (#23921) Journal

    I, for one, welcome our new muffin overlords!

    But seriously, how could a muffin possibly be an overlord? Maybe an under-stuffing, if you know what I mean. The whole thing is ludicrous, BECAUSE it is no YET april FIRST in my time zone. So thanks for my wasted fealty. (Sob!!)

    • (Score: 2) by NCommander on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:38AM

      by NCommander (2) Subscriber Badge <michael@casadevall.pro> on Tuesday April 01 2014, @06:38AM (#23927) Homepage Journal

      We use UTC for site time and news.

      --
      Still always moving
      • (Score: 2) by aristarchus on Tuesday April 01 2014, @07:17AM

        by aristarchus (2645) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @07:17AM (#23937) Journal

        YEAH, OK, so we will let your Anglo-imperialist time system prevail for a short time longer. But wait until the Doctor hears of this! (He is a Time Lord, after all, responsible for time, and stuff.)

    • (Score: 1, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @11:06AM

      by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 01 2014, @11:06AM (#24022)

      Do you know the muffin mare?
      The muffin mare, the muffin mare
      Do you know the muffin mare
      The one named Derpy Hooves?

  • (Score: 2) by wonkey_monkey on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:04AM

    by wonkey_monkey (279) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:04AM (#23957) Homepage

    Well, you've "got it" better than Slashdot ever did, but an April Fool should be at least momentarily believable, and should preferably arouse fear and/or rage in the reader.

    If there's not at least a 10% doubt over which of the stories is the fake one, you're doing it wrong.

    --
    systemd is Roko's Basilisk
    • (Score: 2) by NCommander on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:12AM

      by NCommander (2) Subscriber Badge <michael@casadevall.pro> on Tuesday April 01 2014, @08:12AM (#23960) Homepage Journal

      There may be something like this in the queue like that :-). This was just a way to have a bit of fun from the stress of running this site, and perhaps get a laugh or two out of people. I don't personally love trying to figure out which stories are real or fake.

      --
      Still always moving
    • (Score: 2) by aristarchus on Tuesday April 01 2014, @09:53AM

      by aristarchus (2645) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @09:53AM (#24000) Journal

      Wait, you are saying this is not an authentic news post? AFTER i PLEDGED MY FEALTY??? Oh, darn. How am I going to explain this to my previous overlords? They will not take it kindly that I threw them off so lightly, especially for muffin overlords! I am going to blame N_commander, because of the the dong thing. My only way out that I a can see. Sorry, all.

  • (Score: 2) by VLM on Tuesday April 01 2014, @11:53AM

    by VLM (445) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @11:53AM (#24044)

    "the mindbogging huge sum of one million ... Dong."

    This is some kind of chat roulette meme, isn't it? Although the number seems kind of low.

  • (Score: 1) by CoolHand on Tuesday April 01 2014, @11:54AM

    by CoolHand (438) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @11:54AM (#24045) Journal

    ...welcome our new muffin-y overlords!!

    --
    Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job-Douglas Adams
  • (Score: 2) by nightsky30 on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:20PM

    by nightsky30 (1818) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:20PM (#24064)

    Here is a token of appreciation to our new muffiny overlords...

    http://www.muffinfilms.com/ [muffinfilms.com]

  • (Score: 1) by GlennC on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:38PM

    by GlennC (3656) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @12:38PM (#24081)

    .....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, DONUTS!!!!!!!!

    --
    Sorry folks...the world is bigger and more varied than you want it to be. Deal with it.
  • (Score: 1) by migz on Tuesday April 01 2014, @01:03PM

    by migz (1807) on Tuesday April 01 2014, @01:03PM (#24111)

    There is no muffin!

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 02 2014, @03:15AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday April 02 2014, @03:15AM (#24588)

    this site gets sold more often than a japanese schoolgirls underwear..

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @11:59AM

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @11:59AM (#57911)

    test comment

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @12:09PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @12:09PM (#57916)

    test comment 2

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @12:13PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @12:13PM (#57919)

    test comment 3

  • (Score: 0) by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @12:27PM

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday June 20 2014, @12:27PM (#57927)

    test comment 4

  • (Score: 1) by exec on Friday June 20 2014, @12:31PM

    by exec (4468) Subscriber Badge on Friday June 20 2014, @12:31PM (#57930)

    test comment 5